Two and a Half Men

Jon Cryer proved his ex-wife was delusional when she claimed he made $2 million a month from "Two and a Half Men." Fact is ... he made way less than half that amount.

Jon submitted legal docs objecting to Sarah Trigger's petition to up her child support from $8,000 to $88,000 a month ... arguing the kid was humiliated at his fancy private school because he couldn't keep up with the Kardashians.

The judge shut Sarah down ... in part because Jon submitted an income declaration showing he earns $758,449 a month -- $600K is from the show, and the rest is from investments and such.

And this is interesting. Jon also listed his expenses. He shells out $7,700 in entertainment, $3,800 in car expenses, $1,000 in groceries, $3,300 for child care and $4,000 for tuition ... and those are MONTHLY expenses. $4 grand a month for tuition ... sheesh.

Now get this ... Jon doesn't eat out a lot. Total monthly expense -- $44.

Jon Cryer's ex-wife might have to start drinking discount champagne -- TMZ has learned, she just got shut down in court after asking to increase her child support from $8,000 per month to $88,000.

TMZ broke the story ... Sarah Trigger ran to court in October, crying for WAY more child support money because their son Charlie couldn't afford all the trappings of rich kid life when he was with her ... expensive summer camps, exotic vacations, fancy birthday parties.

Sarah claimed their son had become a laughing stock at the ritzy Buckley School because of his pauper lifestyle ... and he's humiliated.

She justified her bid by claiming her custody share had increased from 4% of the time to 50% of the time ... so she deserved more money ... especially because Cryer's making a killing on "Two and a Half Men" (she claims $2 mil a month).

Jon Cryer's ex wife claims their 13-year-old son is becoming the object of scorn and ridicule at his exclusive private school because the other kids have a caviar lifestyle and she's forced to live in the world of spam ... and that's why she's asking a judge to squeeze $88k a month from Jon in child support.

Get ready to throw something at the computer (or mobile device), 'cause this is gonna piss you off.

Sarah Trigger has been getting a measly $8,000 a month in child support since 2010. It galls her that Jon is making a fortune on "Two and a Half Men" -- she claims $2 mil a month!

Sarah says life is awful. She says her son Charlie can't afford the ritzy summer camps his friends attend. She says Charlie's friends go on "exotic vacations in the summer and winter like Europe and Thailand." He can't go.

It gets worse. Sarah says Charlie's friends at The Buckley School have "huge birthday parties at expensive places like Sky High Sports and they invite the entire grade." And worst of all ... the Bar Mitzvahs. Sarah says, "Last year there were multiple Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs all with custom invitations, a dress code and huge private receptions afterward."

Sarah says Charlie is feeling the pain, and so is she. Sarah says when she got child support back in 2010, she only had custody 4% of the time ... and that's why she only got $8,000 a month. Now she has custody 50% of the time, so she wants a cool $88,969 a month.

Roseanne has gone nuclear on Ashton Kutcher and "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre, accusing them of joke stealing and calling Ashton a "f**king thief."

Roseanne apparently caught wind of a recent episode in which Ashton told someone something to the effect of, "You're wet where you're supposed to be dry." Turns out, the wet bit is an old Roseanne joke, which sent her into a wild rage.

Roseanne began by attacking Ashton on twitter, calling him "an immoral thief of intellectual property." But very quickly, she changed targets and put Chuck in her cross hairs: "CHUCK LORRE IS A THIEF! STEALING MY JOKES FOR HIS S**T TWO AND A HALF MORON."

And then she gets personal with Lorre, who once worked as a writer on her famous sitcom: "I wish I'd NEVER hired Chuck Lorre. Like EVERY 'sober' Hollywood mkultrabot, he w;ent frm being a drunken bum2 an overbearing arrogant thief."

She's still ranting on twitter ... and it's entertaining!

What happens after Jon Cryer falls off his bike? HE GETS BACK ON ... even if that crash was super bloody and required 3 months of rehab.

After that brutal wipe out at the 2012 Nautica Malibu Triathlon, the "Two and a Half Men" star RETURNED to compete at the event this weekend ... and unlike last year, he finished without injury.

After the race, Cryer told TMZ ... it took 3 months of intense physical therapy to recover from the 2012 crash ... a crash that occurred when Cryer lost control of his bike when speeding down a hill, resulting in some serious road rash.

Bottom line -- Cryer's sort of a badass.

Congrats dude.

Charlie Sheen is using his old "Two and a Half Men" co-star Jon Cryer to try to convince the courts that Brooke Mueller's child support payment should be reduced from $55,000/month to ZERO ... TMZ has learned.

As TMZ first reported ... Charlie filed documents requesting the massive change in child support because Brooke currently doesn't have custody of their boys, Bob and Max ... while she's in and out of rehab.

In the docs, Charlie references Cryer's divorce -- where his ex-wife was arrested in 2009 for alleged child abuse and temporarily lost custody of their son.

Charlie says Cryer requested his support payments "be reduced from $10,000 per month to zero" -- and the court did lower the amount of support ... thereby setting a precedent, Charlie feels, for his current situation with Brooke.

The docs also list some astronomical financial details, such as the fact Charlie earns more than $740,000 per month (before taxes) -- and has more than $90,000/month in expenses on all his homes.

By the way, that $55k isn't all Brooke gets each month -- according to Charlie he also foots the bill for ALL the kids' expenses ... including therapy, medical, schooling, and more -- for a grand total of $30,000/month.

It's clear Charlie's point to the court is -- Brooke doesn't need the the $55k anyway.

Damage control on Angus T. Jones' vitriolic outburst against "Two and a Half Men" was a walk in the park ... at least in comparison to Charlie Sheen's epic meltdown last year -- so says CBS honcho Les Moonves.

Moonves sat down with the Wallstreet Journal to discuss Angus' infamous YouTube video -- in which the 19-year-old calls "Two and a Half Men" filth and urges people not to watch it. Angus has since semi-apologized.

But no matter how big of a mess Angus made, nothing will ever compare to Sheen's legendary crusade against "Men" and its creator Chuck Lorre last year -- Moonves says, "I don’t think [the Angus situation has] been quite resolved, but after going through what we went through with Charlie Sheen, it’s been a piece of cake."

Still, Moonves says the network hasn't decided whether to fire Angus -- whom he referred to as “that kid on 'Two And A Half Men' who’s getting paid $300,000 per episode to talk bad about me.”

Charlie was fired from the show last March ... but bounced back after signing ANOTHER huge contract to star in "Anger Management."

Angus T. Jones got himself in some serious hot water with "Two and a Half Men" producers when he called the show ungodly filth and said he wanted to quit in an epic video "testimony."

Angus T. Jones will NOT quit "Two and a Half Men" ... TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with the one-half actor tell TMZ ... Angus feels terrible that he caused huge problems for the cast and crew. When he recorded the video trashing the show and calling it "filth," he had no idea the story would blow up.

As it was put to us, he says he has always felt "invisible" and no one really cared what he thought about the show or anything else. He's stunned at the reaction to the video.

"Two and a Half Men" star Holland Taylor -- who plays Angus T. Jones' grandmother on the show -- says she admires Angus despite his anti-"Men" message ... but thinks his "filth" comment is utter nonsense.

69-year-old Taylor was out for a hike in L.A. earlier today -- looking fantastic we might add -- when she said, "I admire [Angus] and like him. He's finding his way."

She adds, "I admire all the people involved with my show, and I admire Angus particularly. I don't know what he's experiencing now."

Charlie Sheen isn't done blasting "Two and a Half Men" over the Angus T. Jones brouhaha -- now he's targeting show creator Chuck Lorre ... telling TMZ it's Lorre's fault Angus has suffered "an emotional tsunami."

As we reported, Charlie has already called Angus' infamous YouTube confessional a "Hale-Bopp-like meltdown" -- referencing the Heaven's Gate cult suicide -- but that's just the beginning.

Charlie tells us, "Obviously, not having been there for some time, the Angus T. Jones that I knew and still love is not the same guy I saw on YouTube yesterday."

He adds, "I dare anyone to spend ten years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre's hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami."

Angus T. Jones has just issued a statement ... sorta, kinda apologizing for biting the hand that feeds him when he went off on "Two and a Half Men."

In his statement, Jones praises the honchos behind the sitcom ... saying, "Chuck Lorre, Peter Roth and many others at Warner Bros. and CBS are responsible for what has been one of the most significant experiences in my life to date. I thank them for the opportunity they have given and continue to give me and the help and guidance I have and expect to continue to receive from them."

He goes on, "I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed. I never intended that."

As we previously reported, Jones appeared in a video with a man he considered a spiritual adviser and blasted "Men" ... calling the show "filth" and urging people not to watch it.

Here's Angus' statement in full:

"I have been the subject of much discussion, speculation and commentary over the past 24 hours.

While I cannot address everything that has been said or right every misstatement or misunderstanding, there is one thing I want to make clear. Without qualification, I am grateful to and have the highest regard and respect for all of the wonderful people on Two and Half Men with whom I have worked and over the past ten years who have become an extension of my family.

Chuck Lorre, Peter Roth and many others at Warner Bros. and CBS are responsible for what has been one of the most significant experiences in my life to date. I thank them for the opportunity they have given and continue to give me and the help and guidance I have and expect to continue to receive from them.

I also want all of the crew and cast on our show to know how much I personally care for them and appreciate their support, guidance and love over the years. I grew up around them and know that the time they spent with me was in many instances more than with their own families. I learned life lessons from so many of them and will never forget how much positive impact they have had on my life.

I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed. I never intended that."

Charlie Sheen thinks Angus T. Jones is acting like a crazy cult member ... and believes he's melting down as a result of a "Two and a Half Men" curse.

Sheen finally broke his silence on his former co-star's videotaped verbal assault on the sitcom today ... telling People.com, "With Angus's Hale-Bopp-like meltdown, it is radically clear to me that the show is cursed."

Charlie's Hale-Bopp comment is an obvious reference to the Heaven's Gate religious cult ... which committed mass suicide in 1997 because they believed death was the only way to gain access to an alien ship that was following the Hale-Bopp comet.

The church that baptized Angus T. Jones is making it clear ... it has ABSOLUTELY NO connection with the conspiracy theorist preacher who's taken Angus under his wing.

The Seventh-Day Adventist Church has released a statement about Jones ... saying it's "happy" Angus decided to become a member of the L.A. congregation back in June ... but the church wants everyone to know it was NOT behind the actor's anti-"Two and a Half Men" rant.

"These comments were of a personal nature, reflecting his views after having undergone changes during his spiritual journey," the church said.

As for Christopher Hudson -- the homophobic, anti-Obama, conspiracy theorist who interviewed Angus for his Forerunner Chronicles web series -- the church says:

"We are unable to offer information because Forerunner Chronicles is not a ministry operated by the Seventh-day Adventist Church and its host is not a pastor of the Seventh-day Adventist Church."

As we previously reported, Angus told Hudson "Men" was ungodly "filth" ... somehow connected to Satan ... and he no longer wants to be on the show.

Angus T. Jones is in showbiz limbo, because he hasn't quit "Two and a Half Men" and show execs haven't fired him after he trashed the show ... TMZ has learned.

Sources connected with "Men" tell TMZ ... all of the execs on the show and at Warner Bros. have seen Angus' video, in which he calls the sitcom "filth" and asks the audience to boycott.

We've learned Angus -- who rakes in $300,000 an episode -- has not contacted any of the show honchos to express his intentions, nor have any of his reps done the same. Although Angus says in the video he doesn't want to be on the show anymore, that message has not been conveyed to show execs.

On the other side, we've learned Chuck Lorre, the brains behind the show, has not played his hand ... even to Warner Bros. executives.

Jay-Z is a freemason with a Satanic agenda ... in fact, he's executing a plan concocted by Lucifer himself, at least according to the man who is serving as a spiritual guide to "Two and a Half Men" star Angus T. Jones.

The man behind the theory is Christopher Hudson -- who is featured with Jones in the "testimonial" video where Angus trashes "Men" as "filth" that goes against his newfound religious ideology.

In the video, Jones says he discovered Hudson through his ForeRunner Chronicles video series -- in which Hudson spouts off about a variety of topics ... including:

-- Why he believes Jay-Z is a Freemason with ties to the devil
-- How Obama's pro-gay agenda has similarities to Hitler
-- How the NYC gas crisis can lead to cannibalism

In fact, Hudson warned his followers that the gas crisis can turn into a food crisis, forcing women to begin cannibalizing their own children -- "Your baby might start looking like a chicken wing."

So does Jones believe everything Hudson is preaching? It sure seems that way ... because during the "testimony" video, Angus praised Hudson, saying, "I love watching ForeRunner Chronicles ... all the information is so great."

He continued, "Your videos have no doubt been a blessing to me."