Two and a Half Men

Angus T. Jones is pleading with his fans to STOP watching "Two and a Half Men" ... claiming it's nothing but "filth" that contradicts his deep Christian values.

19-year-old Jones -- who makes $300k AN EPISODE playing Jake on the show -- is featured in a new video for the Forerunner Christian Church ... in which he talks about his commitment to his faith and explains, "If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching 'Two and a Half Men.'"

"I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it."

"Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth. People say it’s just entertainment. Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to television and especially with what you watch on television ... it's bad news."

Jones also suggests that Satan is somehow involved with "Two and a Half Men."

He continues, "If I am doing any harm, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be contributing to the enemy's plan ... You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that. I know I can't. I'm not OK with what I'm learning, what the bible says and being on that television show."

Angus says he turned to religion after realizing his life was on a "downward trend" -- which included drug use and speeding tickets.

"Two and a Half Men" star Melanie Lynskey -- who plays the neighbor Rose on the show -- has filed for divorce from her "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" star husband Jimmi Simpson, TMZ has learned.

Melanie filed the docs on September 25th in L.A. County Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences."

The couple was married in 2007 and have been separated since April 2012. They have no minor children.

According to the divorce docs, both Melanie and Jimmi have waved their rights to spousal support.

Jon Cryer nearly died during his violent bike crash this weekend ... but the actor tells TMZ the very first thought that raced through his mind was, "NOT THE FACE!"

Cryer just called in to "TMZ Live" ... telling us he luckily didn't break any bones during his crash in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon ... but says "I've left a lot of my skin on the Pacific Coast Highway."

Moments after his gnarly bike crash this weekend, a battered Jon Cryer credited ONE THING with saving his life -- his bike helmet -- claiming he could've been killed ... if not for the protective headgear.

The "Two and a Half Men" actor withdrew from Sunday's Nautica Malibu Triathlon due to his injuries -- which he proudly shows off in the video -- and on his way off the course, a still-bloody Cryer pointed to his helmet and said, "Thank God for this bad boy."

Charlie Sheen wasted no time attacking his former show during the premiere of "Anger Management" last night ... taking some not-so-veiled shots at "Two and a Half Men" during the opening scene.

The very first scene of "Management" opens on a tight shot of Charlie (playing a character named Charlie) while he's on an angry rant ... saying, "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!! You want to replace me with some other guy? Go ahead! It won't be the same!"

He adds, "You think I'm losing! I'm not! I'm ... anyway, you get the idea."

When the camera pulls out, it reveals Charlie is only taking out his anger on an inflatable punching bag named BoBo ... while teaching his group therapy class about an anger management technique.

Not very subtle ...

It's the decision we all saw coming ... "Two and a Half Men" has been greenlit for a 10th season.

The show's current stars -- Ashton Kutcher, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones -- are all getting raises, says The Hollywood Reporter ... with Kutcher's salary hitting between $700k to $725k per episode.

Despite Charlie Sheen's very public firing, the show still wrangles in 15 million viewers each week ... making it the No. 3 primetime comedy on TV.

Ashton Kutcher is no Charlie Sheen ... and he never will be ... at least that's the message an L.A. TV network is trying to convey in a new marketing campaign.

KTLA in Los Angeles has plastered billboards all over town promoting the syndicated run of "Men." The billboards feature Charlie's face next to the words, "The Original" ... and if it seems like it's a shot at Kutcher ... that's because it is.

A mole at the station tells us ... the marketing people are playing off the premise that "Men" was simply better with Charlie. They believe fans miss him ... and will be more into the reruns because Charlie "was the show."

Can't argue with facts.

If casting Kathy Bates as Charlie Harper's ghost on "Two and a Half Men" was supposed to be an insult, it failed miserably -- because Charlie Sheen is telling friends ... he's "honored" Bates will be playing his old character.

In case you didn't know -- Charlie Harper is scheduled to make a cameo on "Men" on April 30th, and exec producer Chuck Lorre thought it would be funny to cast Kathy Bates instead of Charlie Sheen.

But the jab backfired ... because sources close to Charlie tell TMZ, the Warlock LOVES Kathy. We're told Charlie thinks she's an incredibly funny, talented actress -- and is "honored" the two now share a connection.

According to sources, Charlie can't wait to see Kathy's portrayal -- and will definitely be watching the upcoming episode.

Charlie Sheen tells TMZ he feels REALLLLY bad for saying Ashton Kutcher "sucks" as the new lead on "Two and a Half Men" ... and now he's issuing an official apology to the actor.

It all started on "TMZ Live" last week ... when Sheen called in and told us, "I'm tired of lying ... I'm tired of pretending the show doesn't suck ... I'm tired of pretending Ashton doesn't suck."

But Sheen has since had a change of heart and drafted a letter to Kutcher ...which reads:

"Dear Ashton,

My bad.

I was disrespectful to a man doing his best.

I got excited and I threw you into the crossfire, but the rest of my statement I stand behind. You however, deserve better.

Safety in your travels good sir.

CS"

So, we gotta ask ...

And now a torpedo of truth from Charlie Sheen -- "I'm tired of pretending Ashton doesn't suck."

Sheen called in to TMZ Live today ... when he finally spoke his mind about the guy who took over the starring role on his old show, "Two and a Half Men."

Sheen had been politically correct towards Kutcher ever since AK took over ... but after Warner Bros. legally threatened Charlie for using a "Men" photo to promote his new show, "Anger Management" ... it was no more Mr. Nice Guy.

Sheen told us, "I'm tired of lying ... I'm tired of pretending the show doesn't suck ... I'm tired of pretending Ashton doesn't suck."

Charlie added, "It's nothing personal ... I just feel bad for him ... he's saddled with such bad writing."

It wasn't enough to kill Charlie Sheen off in "Two and a Half Men" -- last night, creator Chuck Lorre took a personal shot at the Warlock on the show ... mocking Sheen's famous "winning" catchphrase.

During the episode, Jon Cryer's character was impersonating Charlie Harper -- pretending to order scotch and hookers ... before uttering Sheen's favorite word, "WINNING."

Charlie Sheen still enjoys taking jabs at his old show -- posting this photo from the set of his new movie, with the caption ... "(this is at least TWO AND A HALF times more fun than my last gig..!)"

Ashton Kutcher "came along and saved" the cast of "Two and a Half Men" ... this according to one of the stars of the show.

Conchata Ferrell -- who plays the straight-talkin' housekeeper -- was out in L.A. yesterday, when a photog asked about what life is like on "Men" in the post-Charlie Sheen era.

"Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre seems to be pretty pissed off about Charlie Sheen's plan to pen a tell-all book ... and last night, Lorre once again used a "Vanity Card" to rip the Warlock.

The Vanity Card -- a slate written by Lorre -- appeared on screen at the end of "Men" ... which now features Sheen's replacement Ashton Kutcher in the lead role.

Lorre never mentions Sheen by name -- but it's pretty clear he's talking about his former sitcom star when he wrote, "Sometime last year I realized I had become the unwilling contestant in a reality show. I didn't understand the rules, wasn't sure if there even were any, and pretty much hated every second of it."

He added, "Somewhere along the way, something inside me died. Anyway, now, suddenly, I'm being told that the reality show's been cancelled."

"There's just one problem. That thing inside me that died? It walks at night. It's angry. It's hungry. And worst of all ... it's writing a tell-all book."

It's now official ... Charlie Sheen and Warner Bros. have settled their bitter "Two & a Half Men" dispute.

A rep for WB released a statement claiming, "Warner Bros. Television, Chuck Lorre, and Charlie Sheen have resolved their dispute to the parties’ mutual satisfaction."

As TMZ reported ... Charlie will get $25 million almost immediately, mostly for work he already performed and profits he has already earned. And, as sources told us, Charlie will get around $100 million in profits from syndication of the show over the next 7 years.

Warner Bros. and Charlie have agreed to dismiss their mutual lawsuit against each other.

We love happy endings.