Today I Learned

Vince Shlomi was arrested in Miami Beach last month after cops say he allegedly hired a hooker, whom he took back to his hotel. According to the arrest affidavit, obtained by The Smoking Gun, Shlomi began kissing the hooker when she allegedly "bit his tongue and would not let go."

According to cops, Shlomi then punched the prostitute several times until she released his tongue. Both the prostitute and Shlomi were arrested for felony aggravated battery.

If you think that's a lot, the jumpsuit he wore at Madison Square Garden went for $212,588.40 at the same gottahaverockandroll.com auction.

One of the most memorable -- and hated -- finalists from "Project Runway" is behind bars right now for allegedly fashioning a weapon out of a living, breathing, meowing cat ... and firing it at her ex-fiance!

Kenley Collins -- the trash-talking, third place loser from P.R. Season 5 -- was arrested in a Brooklyn home early yesterday morning, after the D.A. claims she attacked her sleeping ex-fiance with anything she could get her hands on -- including a cat, a laptop, several apples and finally ... water. It's like a design challenge turned violent!

It's unclear what started the fight, but according to legal papers Kenley told her ex, "You're lucky ... it could've been a lot worse."

Kenley was arrested and charged with six crimes -- including 2nd degree assault, 3rd degree assault and criminal possession of a weapon in the 4th degree.

All hell broke loose at a "Toni Braxton" concert in the Repubic of Suriname over the weekend, when the loyal TB fans realized the person on stage was a Toni Braxton imposter!

The faux-Toni, Trina Johnson, claims her contract specifically stated she was to do an "imitation act" -- and she has no idea why people thought the "real" Toni would be there.

Nevertheless, people were pissed when they found out the Braxton they thought they were gonna see wasn't really Braxton at all. According to several local reports, fans went nuts, throwing bottles on stage and even looting some of the bars at the venue.

Police have begun an investigation, but according to Caribbean Net News, the concert promoters have conveniently disappeared.

There's a reason this woman is wearing a serious grimace on her face -- she was just arrested over a box of Chicken McNuggets!!

Here's how it all went down: Latreasa Goodman claims she ordered -- and paid -- for a box of some delicious nuggets at a Mickey D's in Florida over the weekend, when suddenly the unthinkable happened -- she was told there were no more nuggets to be had. When an employee told her it was against store policy to give refunds, Latreasa called 911 -- three times in a row.

When the cops got to the scene, they tried to explain that McNugget drama is not an emergency -- but according to the police report obtained by TheSmokingGun.com, Latreasa begged to differ:

"This is an emergency, If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one. This is an emergency."

But here's the rub: Even after cops cited her for "misuse of 911," Latreasa continued to tell cops, "This is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

Smokey McSpeedo's "extracurricular activities" have perked the interest of a Gurkha Cigars, who just offered Phelps a cool $25,000 to be their official "smokesperson."

But it was all too real when hotel staff saw that one of the sharks from the famous resort aquarium had somehow jumped out of its tank and onto a nearby water slide -- where it managed to slide down into the pool.

It all went down before the pool opened Tuesday -- so nobody was in the water -- but here's where it gets tragic: A rep for the Atlantis tells TMZ the shark died a short time after swimming in the chlorinated water. Here's the heartbreaking statement:

"Yesterday morning at around 9:30 AM, prior to the resort's waterscape opening to guests, a 12+-year-old female reef shark jumped over an 18 inch wide and 1 foot high sustaining structure into the resort's Leap of Faith water slide.

The Atlantis Aquarists believe the shark was startled by an unusual circumstance that we have no way of defining completely. In the over ten years guests have experienced the Leap of Faith, the reef shark itself, harmless to humans as it is fed regularly by our staff, had shown no previous incidences of leaping out of the water in the marine habitat ...

Having trouble finding what to get the person who has everything on your Christmas list? How about some of Scarlett Johansson's germs?!

Jay Leno and ScarJo are selling the tissue the 24-year-old actress blew her nose into on last night's "Tonight Show" on eBay and giving the proceeds to the USA Harvest food charity. Yum.

The two whizzes who created a device to beat drug tests just learned a valuable lesson: You don't pee on the United States government out of a fake penis and tell 'em it's raining.

Robert Catalano and George Wills have just plead guilty in U.S. District Court for conspiring to sell the Whizzinator -- a prosthetic penis sold with a heating device and dried urine which, quite obviously, helps people fake their way through drug tests.

A couple of famous people have been busted for slangin' around the fake phallus over the years -- including actor Tom Sizemore and former NFL running back Onterrio Smith.

Rumors of an apparent Jenna Jameson pregnancy have been swirling for weeks now -- so it's interesting that she is tackling the issue of birth control -- for pets!

In a new PETA ad campaign to promote the spaying and neutering of cats and dogs, the porn princess will appear nude in bed, with the tagline, "Sometimes Too Much Sex Can Be a Bad Thing."

TMZ has learned that Justin Berfield, aka the dude who played the second-oldest bro on "Malcolm in the Middle," will be going to space with Richard Branson. Rewind: That dude has the coin to blow $250K on a 150-minute space trip? Apparently so.

Berfield has ponied up for a seat on Virgin Galactic's White Knight Two, which should be ready for flight in a couple years. The celebs and rich people on board will go up in space for two-and-a-half hours, including five minutes of actual weightlessness.

NFL baller Brady Quinn wants to make one thing clear: He'll huddle up with sweaty, muscular men -- he just won't date 'em. No matter what a gay dating website is leading people to believe.

A topless -- and really, really hot -- photo of the Cleveland Browns quarterback has been used to promote a dating website for months. The only problem -- nobody cleared it with Brady!

A rep for the Cleveland Browns tells us Brady had no knowledge of the ad saying, "He was not involved in posting photos."

Brady's lawyer has already taken action and has sent a cease and desist letter to the website today, demanding all photos of him be removed ASAP.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, for the small price of $20 you can own your very own piece of the wildest, craziest, most splendiferous celebrity car chase since O.J. Simpson rumbled his white Bronco down the 405!

One unlucky bystander, who "almost got hit by this big a** truck being chased" was crafty enough to pick up the pieces of Quinton "Rampage" Jackson's reputation -- in the form of one shredded monster truck tire.

A jury is about to decide if Dane Cook lets his dog s**t where he lives.

Cook's landlord is in court trying to evict him because his chihuahua mix -- named Beast -- had been pooping with abandon in the common areas of the building.

Dane still lives in the West Hollywood apartment. Sources say he was warned three times to pick up after Beast, but the dog still allegedly uses the common area as his own craperia. We're told the landlord has video of the B.M.

The landlord's lawyer tells us the only problem they have with Dane is the dog. We're hearing that it was Dane who pushed for this jury trial -- not the building.

Dane is in court right now, ready for what could be the first "not my poop" defense.