Today I Learned

This is one crazy family tree! The New England Historic Genealogical Society, the oldest and largest nonprofit genealogical organization in the country, has found a way to get Barack and Hillary together -- through lineage!

They claim Barack Obama and Brad Pitt are ninth cousins, and Hillary Clinton is related to Pitt's baby mama, Angelina Jolie -- they're also ninth cousins. That family reunion would have drama for days!

The report also says that Obama is a very distant relative of President Bush. According to the Geological Society , they are 10th cousins, once removed ... whatever that means.

Barack is also linked to five other Presidents -- including Harry S. Truman and Gerald Ford.

A woman named Billie Jean Jackson was arrested for trespassing at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. We don't make this stuff up, folks.

Santa Barbara County sheriff's deputies were called to the house Monday night after Neverland's security detained Billie Jean, 60, who has long claimed to be Michael's wife.

TMZ obtained photos taken at Madeo's, where Clooney and Fabio later got into a shoving match. Sources inside tell us that several women who had won a dinner with Fabio were sitting at his table snapping photos of the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" hunk, when Clooney apparently thought they were shooting pix of him -- and gave them the finger! When George questioned the group about shooting pics of him in a private restaurant, Fabio came to their defense -- and allegedly, it got a little physical.

Don't mess with Fabio!

The document, titled "Show Participation," requires the people who work David's shows to arm themselves with clipboards, a Polaroid camera, a digital camera, brochures of David's islands in the Bahamas and "Blank photo(s) of David (if one of the girls is a scorpion)." "Scorpion" refers to women David brings onstage as part of his act.

The document describes how the assistants need to be heads-up for attractive women whom David can meet backstage after the performance. We're told the plan is to keep boyfriends and husband in the arena, adding "from time to time, boyfriends and husbands will give us a hard time and refuse to stay. If that is the case, try your best to get them to stay and refer to the "What to Say" sheet for help."

And it gets creepier.

"Hell's Kitchen" host Gordon Ramsay apparently got his twig and berries a little too close to an open flame and burned his nether region, several British tabs are reporting.

Gordon was quoted by The Sun as explaining, "The other day I was standing too close to the stove when I was cooking. I was wearing these cotton trousers and underneath I was going commando, suddenly, I felt this searing heat. I went, 'F**k me, bollocks to that.'" Bollocks, indeed. Ramsay painted an even clearer horrible mental picture by saying, "I burnt my right bollock and I'm in absolute agony ... You wouldn't believe how much this hurts." Not hard to imagine it, really.

Ramsay's rep confirmed that the chef did in fact burn himself, but wouldn't confirm where on his body the burn occurred.

TMZ has learned audiences at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood were shocked and awed last week, after axed Season One "American Idol" co-host Brian Dunkleman (memba him? no?) went on a tirade against Ryan Seacrest. Girls behaving badly!

During his set, Dunkleman, now an alleged comedian, poked fun at his stint on "Idol," but when he began making inappropriate comments like, "If wishes came true Ryan Seacrest would have AIDS," the laughter stopped faster than it does at a screening of "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry."

We're told the sad sap went on to spew that Seacrest "probably already has AIDS." Because, really, what's funnier than incurable life-threatening epidemics?! Luckily, once Dunkleman was done with his vicious diatribe, other comics like Godfrey brought life back into the room by actually being funny!

In the wake of all the bad Lindsay Lohan news, there's a ray of porny sunshine! In honor of "Firecrotch," an adult film website is offering half-off on all videos with redheads. Spicy!

SugarDVD is offering the "Firecrotch DUI DVD Special" featuring titles like "Cherry Pie" and "Nasty Little Redheads." The best part-- they're all 50% off retail price. Snatch 'em up while you can!

But what does this have to do with Lindsay Lohan? Loads! SugarDVD will donate 13% of the sale's proceeds to Mothers Against Drunk Driving of Los Angeles.

Don't be surprised if you see Queen Latifah at FatBurger -- working!

The raptress is getting into the fast food biz by opening a FatBurger franchise in Miami. Would you like fries with that?!

In a recent interview with Maxim magazine, the lippy starlet admitted that she's tried nearly every drug under the sun. "I've done drugs, and that's how I know I don't like them."

Ever the consumer reporter, Fox "tried several things" in order to "make an informed decision, but I didn't enjoy anything other than marijuana." In fact, says Fox, "I don't even think of it as a drug -- it should be legalized." Is it 4:20 yet?

Fox also discusses the white powdery stuff, and she's not talking snow. Says Fox, "Cocaine is back with a vengeance ... Celebrities aren't trying to hide it, except when people have camera phones."

TMZ spotted the director sucking the nail polish off some random woman's foot at Empress sushi joint on the Sunset Strip recently. After the "meal" and a few drinks, Q posed for pictures and hopefully downed some Scope.

The King may have left the building but his prescription pills are still here: A bottle that contained Elvis Presley's prescription antihistamines was sold this week at an auction for more than $2,600. That's a mighty expensive prescription plan! While the bottle still contained some of The King's original pills, L.A. County police told auction house Julien's that it would be a federal crime to sell the bottle with pills included.

Big Worm's got a big problem.

Faizon Love, star of several movies, including "Friday," "Elf," and "Blue Crush," is being sued by a woman who claims the actor "barbarically assaulted and battered her" after the she allegedly rejected his sexual advances. She also claims he tossed her Gucci purse out of a second story window (a felony in Italy).

In a lawsuit filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, a stage manager named Beatrice Eliza claims that Love sexually groped her after picking up the actor from Burbank Airport in March. Eliza claims "he did not stop until she threatened to kick him out of the car." According to the suit, that's when the attacks turned violent.

Eliza claims that days after the rejection, Love unleashed a bitter attack on the set of a production, ironically titled "Irresponsible Behavior," which resulted in threats, chair-tossing, and two damaged designer handbags.

After an argument over a bathroom key escalated into shouting and cursing, Love allegedly grabbed a Louis Vuitton handbag he believed to be Eliza's -- and "attempted to throw it out of the second story window." When one of the producers of the play informed Love that the purse wasn't hers, he grabbed another handbag, a Gucci that actually belonged to Eliza, and sent it out the window!

According to Eliza's attorney, LAPD officers arrived on scene shortly after she dialed 911.

Eliza, who claims she has "suffered great mental, physical and nervous pain" as a result of the alleged incident, is suing for unspecified damages.

The Boom Boom Room, a popular Laguna Beach, Calif. gay bar for over 60 years, was sold to a Beverly Hills billionaire two years ago for over $12 million. That's a lot of cosmos! In 2005, Pitt & Clooney were incorrectly labeled as co-investors in the bar, whose rightful owners were planning on turning into yet another upscale (and undoubtedly hetero) oceanfront hotel. The Heche Hilton! With those plans now scrapped, the bar (which is scheduled to stay open until Labor Day) is back on the market and a grassroots organization is appealing to the Hollywood hunks to help Save the Boom!

To make sure they get the message, TMZ has exclusively obtained the ad Save the Boom is running in Monday's Variety, which hopes to persuade Brad and George to "buy our 60-year-old landmark before it is converted into a boutique hotel." And homophobes say gays are the ones doing all the converting?!

Perry Caravello, the one-time "star" of a practical joke flick, filed suit today in Los Angeles County Superior Court claiming, among other things, the three funnymen owe him $10.5 million.

For several years, Caravello was duped into believing he was going to play the lead role in the faux action flick "Windy City Heat." Every actor and member of the crew was in on the joke -- except Caravello. The final product, er, joke, aired in 2003 on Comedy Central.

In his suit, Caravello claims the defendants "falsely and fraudulently" represented the project, and promised him, among other things, that he "would be paid 10 million dollars if he placed his penis in a mousetrap." Caravello says he "was severely injured when the trap literally went on his manhood." Ouch. To add insult to injury, Caravello says he's suffered "humiliation and emotional trauma" because the video has circulated the Internet. Talk about viral.

Caravello is suing for the $10.5 million that he says he is owed, plus damages and medical expenses.

Ono was reportedly part of a canine-chewing stunt at a London radio station yesterday, reports Reuters, in which gonzo artist Mark McGowan ate cooked pieces of a Corgi, Queen Elizabeth II's dog of choice. McGowan staged the Fido-feeding (pictured above left) to protest the Queen's husband's treatment of a fox on a hunt last year. While the artist did his best to swallow a few chunks of Corgi (which had been minced with apple, onion and other seasonings), Yoko could only manage a small taste before looking "a bit strange," according to McGowan.