Today I Learned

Sluggerrr the Lion -- the mascot for the Kansas City Royals -- is accused of poking a fan's eye out with a steaming hot wiener during a Major League Baseball game last year ... and now the team is being sued over it.

It's all in a lawsuit filed in Jackson County, Missouri in which John Coomer claims he was just chillin' at a game on September 8, 2009 -- when Slugger "climbed atop the third base dugout and started shooting hotdogs into the stands from an air gun."

Coomer claims Slugger eventually put the air gun down -- and started firing off the wieners by hand ... when, according to the suit, things went horribly wrong.

In the docs, Coomer claims "Slugger lost control of his throw or was reckless with his throw, and threw the hotdog directly into the Plaintiff."

Coomer claims the dog hit him right in his left eye -- leaving him with a detached retina and the development of cataracts.

Coomer is now suing the Royals for more than $25k for negligence and battery -- claiming they "failed to adequately train its agents ... in the proper method in which to throw hotdogs into the stands at Kauffman Stadium."

Wrestler-turned-kids' movie star Dwayne Johnson was in Calabasas yesterday, where he explained that he is only "co-owner" of his signature lines like "Can you smell what The Rock is cookin'?" and "Layeth the smacketh downeth." According to Dwayne, the WWE holds a claim as well.

The actress -- who's made out with Penelope Cruz and Christina Ricci before for work -- went girl-on-girl again yesterday after offering up her lips for the OneXOne celebrity auction in San Francisco.

The result: A steamy, 25 second smoochfest with the mystery woman who paid top dollar.

In the video -- shot on Sunday in Canada -- Manson is performing "Beautiful People" when he suddenly, disgustingly decides to empty flu goo from both nostrils ... while standing only a few feet away from the fans in the front row.

The "Jurassic Park" star showed off his "special" wiggling skills last night outside Madeo.

Fighting over money is common -- but does $0.20 even count as money?

Two dimes (or four nickels) was allegedly the cause of a fight between NHL star Patrick Kane and a cab driver in Buffalo, NY. According to the Buffalo News, Kane (along with his cousin) were arrested after they allegedly roughed up a cab driver who couldn't give them the required change.

According to a police report obtained by the paper, the Kane boys paid $15 for a $13.80 cab ride -- but became incensed when the cabbie had the dollar bill, but not the coinage, to make change. The cab driver told police he was punched in the face and head, grabbed by the throat and had his glasses broken during the incident.

Both men were charged with second-degree robbery, a Class C felony, as well as fourth-degree criminal mischief and theft of services, both Class A misdemeanors. WIVB-TV says Kane has pled not guilty.

We're approaching the 24th hour of Stephon Marbury's absolutely nonsensical web-rant -- and now the basketball star is resorting to eating Vaseline right out of the jar.

Still not wearing a shirt, Marbury -- who insists he's neither on drugs nor out of his mind -- threw down a finger-full of the petroleum jelly ... and then declared he wanted someone to write him a check for "a billion dollars" so he could start his own TV network "like Oprah."

For the record, we contacted the good people at Vaseline about the incident, who told us "Vaseline is for external use only -- it is not intended for eating ... I don't know what he's trying to prove."

Neither do we.

Even the nation's pre-eminent African-American scholar isn't afraid to bust a yo' mama joke -- especially when he's getting busted by cops.

Cambridge police arrested Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. for disorderly conduct last Thursday night. Gates was going into his house when police responded to a call that two black males were breaking in.

According to the police report, 58-year old Gates got into it pretty good with Sgt. Crowley, and that's when ...

"As I began walking through the foyer toward the front door, I could hear Gates again demanding my name. I again told Gates that I would speak with him outside. His reply was "ya, I'll speak with your mama outside."

As you can imagine, the argument got more heated after that and Gates was taken into custody.

It certainly would have been cheaper to buy an alarm clock. Lil Wayne is being sued for nearly half-a-million bucks for sleeping when he should have been performing.

Red City Entertainment claims it fronted $432,000 for a Wayne concert appearance in the Bahamas. On September 27, 2008, there were plenty of lights and cameras... but no action, because Wayne was passed out in his hotel room. When he didn't show for the performance, cops went to his hotel and found him unconscious.

In the lawsuit filed today, Red City claims it gave Wayne a $210,000 advance. The balance is for his hotel expenses and various costs involved in throwing the failed concert.

A woman possessed by the "most beautifiliest angel lusefer" and claims to be the "reincarnation of Venus Aphrodite Demilo" has filed a $3 billion lawsuit against Hugh Hefner, suing him for ... well ... it's nearly impossible to tell.

Sheri Allred -- who also calls herself "the biggest hat in the world" -- claims Hefner is a member of a pedophile organization and once hid under her bed when she was five-years-old in order to do naughty things to her.

51-year-old Jimmy Parks -- who was suspected of trafficking heroin on the property -- was arrested when police raided the cottage he was staying in just feet away from the actor's suburban New York home.

Sure, he may have been the greatest mind in all of human history, but how can Albert Einstein possibly compete with a picture of a D-list celeb's bloated belly?

The famous tongue wagging pic of Einstein has just been auctioned off for $74,324 to a bidder in Long Island, NY. To put Einstein's theory of relativity into practice: Tori Spelling reportedly sold her pregnancy pics for $250,000.

It may be the dumbest move of all time: A man risking his personal freedom, public humiliation and his entire career -- all because he wanted to illegally burn a copy of "The Love Guru."

As if sitting through the flick wasn't punishment enough, a 28-year-old named Jack Yates was just sentenced to 6 months in a federal prison for burning illegal DVDs of the awful flick for his friends before the movie came out in 2008.

Yates' copy eventually made it to the 'net, where it was illegally downloaded more than 85,000 times.

Ripley's just offered Kyle Wygle $3,500 for the coolest contraption on Earth -- but according to Ripley's, the Licking County Child Support Enforcement Agency begged the company not to buy it because K.W. was $37,066.39 in the hole.

The dude caught in the middle is Alfons Haider -- he's proud to be gay, he's into fashion, and (just like Bruno) he's also been known to compare himself to Zac Efron.

Want more evidence? -- Alfons is the highest-paid presenter on Austrian state broadcaster ORF. In the film, Bruno works for a channel called OJRF. Coincidence?

The controversy has been raging in Austria for a while, but Haider just told The Telegraph newspaper, "I never understood the comparison to myself at all. The only comparisons I can think of is that I'm Austrian, I'm gay, and I work for television, but the rest is completely fiction."

Anyone really buyin' that?

So you're suing Miley Cyrus, claiming she defamed 1,000,000 Asian Pacific Islanders in L.A. County by taking a picture while making squinty eyes ... so how do you gain favor with the judge -- call him a racist.

Lucie Kim and her lawyer, Henry Lee (not the OJ Simpson forensics dude Henry Lee) claim the judge crossed the line in a hearing last week by repeatedly referring to Asians as "oriental." They say the word "oriental" is "an offensive, derogatory racial insult to persons of Asians descent ... akin to using the word N---er.