The View

Thanks to Joy Behar, her "View" cohort, who gave Rosie a vehicular manifestation of Rosie's favorite combatant, Donald "Dump Truck" Trump as a gift for O'Donnell's 45th birthday on today's show. Touching, really.

The 77-year-old "View" host is fast becoming the go-to-ma'am for the latest in blown-out, wispy, ash blonde shag trends for the post-post-post-MTV crowd. When you're a graying Grammy winner, the Rosie man-bob just won't do! He bangs!

And for you men who find yourselves pushing 50 and beyond, but don't feel like going blonde, fear not -- the starched Walters Wave also comes in a lush Richie Sambora Chestnut Brown!

It's the latest cranial-dance craze sweeping the nation -- The Trump-Over!

First, you tilt your head to one side and flop your hair thataway. Then, grab your locks and toss them, imperiously, the other way across your scalp. The whole time, purse your lips and lightly squint your eyes in an I'm-a-balding-blowhard-billionaire scowl. Bingo! You're doing the Trump-Over!

Conan O'Brien's been doing it for years, but today, on the Daytime Emmy-nominated "The View," Rosie O'Donnell was joined by Joy, Elisabeth and guest host Susie Essman in a new, feminized version -- prompted by Trump's latest attack on Rosie's inversion therapy for chronic depression.

We kid, we kid! Rosie's OK -- she's doing herself some good, in fact.

In a special broadcast about depression and women, Rosie demonstrated "inversion therapy" -- wherein the patient suspends herself from a yoga swing. Rosie says that it releases the serotonin in her brain and that she indulges in the verticality for 15 to 30 minutes every day. Yo ga, girl!

No word on whether Babwa would be doing her own show about the experiences with depression -- The Great Depression, that is.

Rosie O'Donnell has just a couple words for "American Idol's" Nigel Lythgoe: Whatever, dude.

That, in effect, was Rosie's response to Lythgoe's stinging criticism, just a couple of hours after the "Idol" honcho called her remarks about his show "absurd," "ridiculous," "self-promotional" and "without thought or knowledge." On her blog at rosie.com, "The View's" resident firestarter had this to say [warning: spellings unchanged] --

what can u say really
from the coca-cola red couch

i call it as i see it
nigel l - sam r
same same same
1985 - 2007
blah blah blah blha
blha blha blah blha

Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer of "American Idol," has just released a statement in response to criticism made against the show by "View" host Rosie O'Donnell. It reads:

"Without wishing to add to the obvious self-promotion of Ms. O'Donnell, I feel as though I must refute her absurd and ridiculous claims that 'American Idol' is racist and/or weightist.

"Ms. O'Donnell has, once again, spoken without thought or knowledge. Viewers need only look at the show tonight to realize that 'American Idol' constantly confirms to America that talent has nothing to do with weight or color."

It was Rosie's comments on Tuesday's episode of "The View" that drew "Idol's" ire. Rosie called the show "weightist and racist" over the way it has handled the Antonella Barba photo scandal this season, as opposed to when it booted contestant Frenchie Davis for the same thing. Although an "Idol" spy tells us that the difference is that Frenchie was paid for her pre-Idol porn, while Antonella's photos were private, and published without her knowledge or permission.

"Idol" has also banned "The View" from using clips from the show.

As is their habit, Rosie and the "View" crew started to talk about last night's "Idol," but had no video to go with it. Ro explained the lack of footage was because "Idol" was unhappy over her slamming of the judges, her suggestions about Paula's "possible inattentiveness," and her accusations of racism and sizeism on yesterday's broadcast.

"It's weightist and wacist," said Rosie, doing her best Donald Duck impression. Silly wabbit Wosie, ever heard of Wuben Studdard? Fantasia? Babwa wasn't there to comment.

Earlier this week, the motormouth mamas got into a heated tiff over The Patriot Act, which allegedly left Elisabeth in tears backstage. While rumors swirled that "her days were numbered," Hasselbeck told L.A. radio station Star 98.7's Valentine and Lisa Foxx, "Rosie and I are friends." Define friends! Hasselbeck added that she and Rosie, despite political differences, have "a lot in common," and that the reason the women on the show can talk about such controversial topics is because "there is respect at that table." Is that what you call it?!

In an obvious reference to her previous stint on "Survivor," Elisabeth did admit that being the lone conservative voice on the show can make her feel like she's "out on an island sometimes."

Somehow, sleep deprivation and barbecuing rats seem like paradise compared to sitting with "The View" yentas every day!

On today's edition of the crack-like ABC gabfest, Rosie O'Donnell got Elisabeth Hasselbeck's conservative knickers into a big twist when Ro argued with her usual vehemence against the Patriot Act, concluding by hitting Liz with the ageist remark, "You're very young, and you're very wrong," (E is 30, Ro is 45). This, of course, just wound Elisabeth right up, prompting a strange pointy hand-dance of rage.

Rosie then really stuck it to Elisabeth, suggesting that resorting to ageism is the only way she can bottle her Hulk-like rage to sit at the same table with someone with whom she disagrees "so abhorrently."

"The View's" paragon of prim and proper let her verbal chastity belt slip today, revealing on the morning gabfest that she'd snuck out of the house as a 14-year-old, breaking the family home's electricity meter in the process, and saddling her folks with a crazy-high power bill. Sin Lizzie also admitted that her secret trip was for the express purpose of (gasp!) -- meeting a boy, whom she wouldn't identify.

For those of you who've been wondering how Barbara Walters has been handling the insane slide of "The View" into a bare-knuckles cage match between Rosie and The Donald, New York magazine today offers this glimpse into the chaos:

Viz, "'Barbara has the exterior of a debutante,' her friend Dan Rather notes, 'but the heart of an assassin.' The dilemma confronting Walters: How does an old-school debutante-assassin operate in the crude new world of celebrity thuggery? Trump and O'Donnell are perfectly happy to trade blows and spatter blood, on the theory that WWF warfare is more reliable than subtle maneuvering at the court, and the low road is preferable to losing...

Or as Trump, the Sun Tzu of shamelessness, tells me in his office-shrine on the 26th floor of Trump Tower: 'There are some sound bites you can't beat by taking the high road.' "

As is also revealed in the piece, Rosie may be laughing all the way to the bank -- again:

Rumors are swirling anew that morning TV's biggest girl-group -- Rosie, Elisabeth, Joy and Barbara of "The View" -- are breaking up the band. But TMZ has learned that it's just not true.

According to an In Touch report, the yenta denizens of "The View" might be set to go their separate ways -- O'Donnell to her own show when her contract ends in June, Hasselbeck back to E! network to host a "style" show, and most oddly of all, Behar into the hosting chair currently occupied by former "View" moderator Meredith Vieira on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." Vieira is reportedly signed through the 2008 season of "Millionaire." In Touch didn't specify what might happen to den mother Walters.

Rosie O'Donnell and her cohorts on "The View" had their first chance to address the death of Anna Nicole Smith, and while they took pity on Anna Nicole herself, they showed little mercy for Howard K. Stern or the entertainment news shows that paid her for those slurred, difficult-to-watch interviews.

Rosie, for her part, inflamed some viewers by imitating Anna Nicole unfavorably on Thursday's show, which was taped just hours before Anna's death. Today, lamenting the starlet's death, Rosie compared Smith to a Macy's Thanksgiving parade balloon without anyone to hold it back. She charged that Howard K. Stern had an "addiction" problem as well.

Meanwhile, Rosie let fellow comedienne Margaret Cho express her thoughts on Smith's death, posting Cho's own blog posting about the matter on rosie.com. In it, Cho compared Smith to "ripe summer peaches hot from the sun, or rice pudding made from grains boiled for over a day on the stove," and called her "the most beautiful woman I had ever seen."

Maybe the Donald was right about the strife between Rosie and Babwa.

On today's installment of "The View," moderator Ro put Barbara Walters -- her boss, mind you -- firmly in her place. Gabbing about the State of the Union address, O'Donnell called for a member of Congress to put the President up for impeachment, and compared Bush's failures unfavorably to Bill Clinton's.

Mama Walters, not wanting to get into a prolonged debate over Wild Bill's behavior, suggested that they move on to the next topic. Not so fast, said Rosie. "Where do you want me to move on to?" And they did not move on.

Without a Trump or a Paula to take on, the huffing and puffing on today's "View" was supplied by resident right-wing schoolmarm, Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

During a discussion on adultery, the easily-flustered Hasselbeck took on parents who cheat on their spouses, saying that their affairs made them bad parents, and shocked her fellow yentas with a rant on men who "follow their penises." (Working something out, are we, darling?) Her rather older, wiser colleagues thought her "View" rather extreme, and essentially told her to take the stick out of her you-know-what.