Audrina: LC Ya Later, Bitch!

Audrina's replaced LC with the male version of Heidi Montag. And we don't mean Spencer.

Audrina: LC Ya Later, Bitch!

Patridge and her skeezy, hated-by-LC ex Justin Bobby went to Dolce's fifth anniversary bash together last night. All is not well in "The Hills" -- LC was nowhere to be seen and was a no-show to the amateur centerfold's b-day party last week, too.

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Whitney's Dress is T*ts!

Despite the scorching temperatures in L.A. this weekend, "Hills" star Whitney Port still had a nippy lunch at the Ivy.

Whitney's wardrobe malfunction turned the Robertson Blvd. eatery into the best breastaurant in the world.

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Most of Audrina Turns 23 in Las Vegas

The only two reasons to watch "The Hills" celebrated her 23rd birthday at LAX Nightclub in Las Vegas night.

Audrina Patridge's birthday was actually on the 9th -- but who cares, really? Btw, no sign of Lauren at the shindig -- fake show frenemies are the worst kind!

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Heidi and Spencer: Annoying AND Cheap

A source tells TMZ that Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and two friends ran up a $783 bill at an L.A. restaurant last night -- and when Spency paid the bill, he tipped a whopping 16 bucks!

A camera crew was with the vomit-inducing twosome at the time -- no surprise there -- and our source says that when they stopped filming, the server approached a producer from the show about the measly tip. The producer forked over $60 from his own pocket to cover Spencer's shortcomings.

Included on the bill were 12 shots of platinum Patron at $60 a pop. Drinking and simple arithmetic just don't mix.

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Dr. Frasier Crane: Over The Hills

Kelsey Grammar has some advice for the sublebrities of "The Hills." Eat your heart out Sam Malone!

Dr

Things have got to be bad when Kelsey's show just got canceled -- and Lauren and company are about to make a fake season four. For the love of tossed salads and scrambled eggs!

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And Starring ... Audrina's Boobs!

Audrina Patridge is making her feature film debut in a straight-to-DVD sequel of a movie no one saw in the first place. Based on these photos, it won't be Audrina's acting on display -- and that's how it should be.

Paps Go Down On LC

OMG! You are not going to believe this, but Lauren Conrad was actually snapped having a genuine reaction!

The miraculous event took place outside Crown Bar on Wednesday, when a photog fell over trying to take the "Hills" star's pic -- which caused an authentic gasp from Lauren.

Producers were immediately rushed to the scene, where LC was mic'd properly for a re-shoot.

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Audrina is the Best in the Chest

We may not have the most eloquent photogs, but at least they're honest.

Audrina is the Best in the Chest

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Heidi and Spencer Ruin Mother's Day

The vomit-inducing duo of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag dragged Heidi's mom, Darlene, into their faux-fun this weekend.

Is nothing sacred?

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Like, OMG -- LC and Audrina Got a Ticket!

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge returned to their ride yesterday after a day of shopping -- only to find a parking ticket.

Sorry Audrina, the city does not accept nude pics as payment.

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LC: A Slice Below the Rest

Of all the pizza joints, in all the towns, in all the world ... she walks into here?!

LC: A Slice Below the Rest

Yeah, even the NY paps -- who know a thing or two about a good pie -- gave her a hard time about it.

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LC Terrified by Racist Psycho

LC got the s**t scared out of her last night when a random drunk guy jumped in her face and started screaming "F**k you!" Dude also dropped the N-bomb.

LC Terrified by Racist Psycho

The MTV star, who looked genuinely horrified, ran to the closest taxi where she dropped her head into her hands and tried to get a grip. "The Hills" are a scary place sometimes.

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Heidi Montag: Kentucky Dingbat

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag took their D-list brand of horses**t to the Kentucky Derby on Saturday -- and in a truly candid moment, Heidi looked through the wrong end of the binoculars. You can't make this stuff up!

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Whitney Port Does Not Own a Mirror

A shiny metallic top fused with a skirt resembling the lamp from "A Christmas Story" is just not working on Whitney Port.

We bet Audrina told Whitney that getup made her look skinny and stylish. Somewhere in a posed-to-look natural photo-op, Heidi and Spencer are laughing.

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Rob Reiner: Montag Isn't On My Radar

Rob Reiner has no clue who meathead Heidi Montag is.

Rob Reiner: Montag Isn't On My Radar

In related news, more people should strive to be like Rob Reiner.

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Heidi Montag Is a Fashion Designer

"Hills" star Heidi Montag (left) at the White House Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday -- and fashion designer Donatella Versace (right) at the same event.

In 2007, one of them admitted to having plastic surgery at age 20.

We're just sayin'!

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