Kristin Cavallari I'm Way Better Than LC
The claws are back out between "Laguna Beach" enemies celebrity Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad -- with Kristin cattily claiming if she joins "The Hills" next season, "I will do it better than her."
LC's vacant stares and awkward silence will be tough to beat.
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Speidi -- You Make Me Sick!
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were the ones coming back from swine flu infested Mexico -- but after their mask-on-mask makeout session at LAX, we're the ones feeling ill.
Not nauseated enough? Spencer said they "tried" consummating the marriage. Ick.
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Speidi's Honeymoon on the Swine Flu Riviera
Clueless newlyweds Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag aren't letting a pandemic influenza outbreak get in the way of their honeymoon, so they headed down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
Although swine flu comes from pigs, the CDC has not confirmed if this latest strain originated from Spencer.
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Heidi and Spencer -- Wedding Faux Pas
There are three major rules for every wedding reception -- and Heidi and Spencer broke every one of them.
Rule #1 -- Open Bar
Spies at the wedding tell TMZ that while beer and wine were free, guests had to shell out $10 for mixed drinks. That's just bush league.
Rule #2 -- Food
What food? We're told the cocktail hour was sparse -- with some sort of tuna tartar dish and something described as "chicken salad on a cracker." There were hardly any servers and the portions were small.
Rule #3 -- Show up on time
You'd think this one was a given. Call time for the reception was 6:00 PM, but the the doors didn't actually open until 7:30. And the guests of honor didn't show up until 9:00 PM -- which probably would have been fine if there had been food and free drinks!
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Heidi & Spencer: Ma Nishtana Ha-laila Ha-Ze...
A Hebrew prayer. Translation -- Why is this night different from all the others? Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt tied the knot yesterday, with the dialogue/wedding vows taped for a special episode of "The Hills."
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Heidi and Spencer: The Take Over Begins
Heidi's in the church twittering about her hair ... cameramen are rehearsing the church walk-ins and outs ... and a bunch of cops must be wondering, "Who did I piss off to pull this duty?"
Yep, it's Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding day -- or as they say over at MTV -- a really big episode of "The Hills."
The ceremony is set to begin at 5pm on the West Coast, if all goes as scripted, but there's already plenty of action outside the Pasadena, Calif church.
We don't want to give away everything, but there will be a "scene" with Spencer tossing a bouquet.
By the way, one off-duty Pasadena cop who's working security in the neighborhood said this about the happy couple: "I have no idea who this is, but I know my daughter will be freaking out when I tell her."
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Heidi & Spencer's Ridiculous Wedding Plan
This is rich. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are getting married tomorrow, and they are deeply concerned about safety -- so they are trying to keep the paparazzi at bay. Of course, we're not buyin' what they're sellin'.
We got our hands on a flyer sent around the Pasadena neighborhood where they will be tying the knot. The flyer asks residents to sign a petition, allowing the Heidi and Spencer crew to shut down some of the streets and sidewalks for "an untitled reality TV project" -- otherwise called the wedding. BTW -- the person who is listed as the line producer produces "The Hills." Why so misleading, Speidi?
Now here's the best part: They want No Parking signs on a strategic street "to discourage paparazzi from parking and hiding out in their cars" -- they say for safety reasons. Excuse us, but isn't this the couple that courts hordes of paparazzi to follow them on every street in Hollywood? Could it be they want to restrict paparazzi because it's more lucrative for them if the pappers don't get the shot? We are such cynics.
And the final sweet touch -- in making the request to the neighbors, they say they will be filming "interior and exterior dialogue" at the church. For normal people, those are called wedding vows.
UPDATE: We're told the neighbors surrounding the nuptials have signed off for all the necessary permits. Wedding on!
Audrina Rejects Smoothest Pick-Up Line Ever
Our photog was S.O.L. when he tried getting Audrina Patridge's digits yesterday, because if busting out a picture of his two adorable rescued pit bulls couldn't melt her heart enough to go out with him -- at a PETA event -- nothing would.
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Lauren Conrad -- Yes Wii Can
One of the hottest parties in Vegas this weekend was the grand opening pool party at Wet Republic inside the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino -- and Lauren Conrad passed the time in a cabana, playing with a Wii.
LC just became infinitely more hot to 13-year-old boys and 85-year-old men.
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Heidi & Spencer -- 'Til Death...
So now we know why Heidi and Spencer went to the Bev Hills Courthouse on Wednesday. They said they didn't get a marriage license -- pants on fire.
We've learned that's exactly what they did. It's under seal, but it's real. And they're getting hitched a week from Saturday.
All invited guests will receive 10 copies of Heidi's latest single ... this part we're guessing, but it's a safe bet.
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Speidi Needs a Surgeon's General Warning
The following video of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt filming a music video outside Crown Bar will not only induce vomiting, it will actually make you dumber.
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"The Hills" Accused of Being Really, Really Trashy
The people behind "The Hills" are in a legal war over the live season finale -- accused of being even trashier than the people on the show.
The guy who owns the Beverly Hills mansion where MTV shot the "Live from the Hills Season Finale" claims when he rented the place out for the show in 2008, he was promised it would be returned in "the same condition." What he got back, he claims, was a disaster area.
According to a lawsuit filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, Igor Greenberg claims MTV and New Productions Inc. "caused extensive damage to the property in at least the amount of $158,250.07" -- and he wants them to fork over the cash.
Sure, it's meaningless, stupid drama -- but so is everything else that has to do with that show.
Patridge's Pad Pilfered -- Caught On Tape
Audrina Patridge just posted surveillance video of her L.A. home being burglarized on Sunday night -- and it looks like the unmasked morons entered through an unlocked door, Paris Hilton style.
The video, which Audrina posted on her site, shows the two alleged burglars (one guy, one girl) working out how to get inside her pad ... while standing directly in front of multiple cameras that capture pretty decent shots of their faces.
Great security cams, Audrina -- but a locked door would have helped.
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LC Offering Old Pad for Monthly Use
For only $11,000 a month, you too can have a place to invite your fake friends over for rehearsed conversations filled with real awkward pauses.
LC's two-story, 3,000 sq. ft. "Hills" home in West Hollywood is now available for rent. It boasts 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bath, swimming pool, an Audrina Patridge-less guest house and two fireplaces full of old scripts.
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Heidi's Got Spencer By the Ball
Fearing Heidi Montag would melt in the rain, Spencer kept her dry while she held an exercise ball in between her legs yesterday.
Turns out Heidi isn't the bitch in the "relationship" after all.
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Speidi Wears Bargain Basement Panties
Cupid's biggest mistake went on a vomit inducing Valentine's Day photo-op at the 99 Cent store -- because nothin' says "I Love You" more than cheap purple panties!
