The Funny Stuff

David Oyelowo says Charlize Theron's not shy about using colorful language, and if ya don't believe him ... check out this video. She proves his point, and then some.

The actors -- who costarred in the movie "Gringo" -- were participating in a Q&A this week at a Bev Hills charity gala for The GEANCO Foundation. When Oyelowo was asked about his first encounter with Theron, the crowd got a jaw-dropping tale ... about anuses.

He warned the audience it probably wasn't appropriate -- especially with his family in attendance -- but Charlize had no qualms ... and dropped a crack about bleaching your crack.

By now, Julia Roberts is totally used to media outlets sucking up to her, but an Upstate NY newspaper took it to the next level -- inadvertently -- with a headline praising her holes.

Seriously ... this is NOT photoshopped.

The Post-Journal in Jamestown, NY topped a Saturday article about Julia and her Amazon show, "Homecoming," with ... "Julia Roberts Finds Life And Her Holes Get Better With Age."

Awesome news for Julia, right?

Well, the paper copped to making a huge spelling error. It published a correction saying it was supposed to say her "Roles" are what's getting better.

Woulda been pretty awesome, though, if Julia actually said that in the interview! Makes ya wonder how they fact-checked that original headline, right?

In any event, doesn't seem like Julia's too bent outta shape about the error. One thing we know for sure is ... what Viv would have to say about all this.

Chick-fil-A customers found a convenient loophole in the company's packaging to turn a cup and straw into a portable table for nuggets ... but it ain't what CfA had in mind when it designed its boxes.

Fans of the fast food joint rejoiced this weekend when a viral meme pointed out you could fit a straw through a hole in the box used for nuggets and rest the delicious pieces on the cup's lid.

While the life hack is extremely convenient, we've learned it is NOT the original purpose of that hole. In fact, we're told there are 3 tabs on the back of the boxes and they're pushed in by employees to designate whether the box contains nuggets, strips or "other."

Still, we gotta give the "inventor" credit ... it is a boss use of a carton -- especially if you're someone who's down with the Chick.

Here's a little ditty about a swan that got saved by a vet with a big heart -- or, at least, that's one version of what you're about to see.

The swan was crossing a rainy street in the English town of Guildford -- IN the crosswalk, mind you -- when Prof. Noel Fitzpatrick, a local veterinary surgeon, sprung into action.

Fitzpatrick was afraid the swan was seconds from getting run over, so he followed the wandering bird ... gathered it up in his tweed (naturally) jacket and returned it to a nearby waterway. Yay!!! What a hero, right?

Alternate theory: The poor bird was walking crosstown to meet up with his wife -- swans mate for life, remember -- when the Professor intercepted him. Probably set the poor guy back at least 30 minutes, his wife got pissed and left him. Reverse 'Notebook.' Just sayin'.

President Trump's got a serious White House conspiracy on his hands -- or, we should say his heel ... because someone let him out in public with freakin' toilet paper stuck to his shoe!

Ok, you can insert your own metaphor here -- but this s**t really happened Thursday night as the leader of the free world boarded Air Force One ... bound for his rally in Minnesota.

Sure, it's hysterical to watch ... over and over and over.

Louis C.K. couldn't look more relaxed and chill than he did Thursday in New York City as he laughed it up with a friend.

Louis and his friend were strolling when our photog asked him about his recent comeback gig at the famed Comedy Cellar in NY's Greenwich Village. Something about the question made him LOL on the spot.

We didn't exactly get an answer, but it's obvious he's in a great mood. As we reported, a few people in the audience were upset when Louis made his surprise appearance -- but, for the most part, he got a rousing applause.

This is the first time we've gotten him out and about since last year's sexual misconduct scandal, for which he apologized.

Tennis superstar Andy Murray received a huge honor for his contributions to tennis in China ... and celebrated by shattering it into a million pieces!!

The former No. 1-ranked player in the world got a dope commemorative plate before competing in the Shenzhen Open on Monday ... and accidentally DROPPED IT in front of everybody while posing for pics.

Murray was clearly super embarrassed -- you can hear the entire crowd gasp while he apologizes over and over for the fumble. We're sure they accepted the apology.

It's not necessarily a great omen for the 31-year-old -- who is now currently ranked 311 in the world -- before taking the court on Tuesday ... but it's still not the worst Andy Murray/China incident we've seen ...

Howie Mandel is pissed about the state of stand-up comedy ... and he's blaming political correctness for its demise.

We got the comedian and "America's Got Talent" judge leaving Craig's Thursday night in WeHo, and he launched into a tirade about why comedy sucks now ... for comedians. Howie harkened back to legends like Richard Pryor -- who were revered for pushing the envelope -- but said anyone who tries that today runs the risk of destroying their whole career.

It's gotten so bad, Howie says he's actually afraid to crack jokes in public.

Katt Williams is giving "cruising the mall for chicks" a whole new meaning.

We got the comedian at the Westfield Mall Wednesday in Culver City -- our photog, Charlie, was also there and happened to bump into him. He had to convince Katt he was a legit TMZ employee.

Anyway, it all got pretty hilarious when Charlie asked what Katt was shopping for in the mall. It wasn't clothes, shoes or accessories. Think Build-A-Bear ... but for adults.

You just gotta see how it played out, especially when some young fans walked up to Katt for a photo. Don't worry, he keeps it clean for the kids.

Donald Glover's creepy mansion dwelling, Michael Jackson-esque, character from his hit show, "Atlanta," made a surprise appearance at the 2018 Emmys -- except Donald wasn't behind the makeup.

DG and the rest of the "Atlanta" stars were in attendance Monday night, but so was Teddy Perkins ... who nearly killed Lakeith Stanfield's character in season 2. On the show, Donald played the role of Teddy, but at the Emmys ... this group shot sparked a mystery -- WHO'S WEARING THE MAKEUP???

Everyone assumed it was Donald until the photo made it clear that wasn't the case. Tuesday morning, comedian Jay Pharoah started taking credit for the appearance -- which would make sense, since his 'SNL' buddies wrote and hosted the Emmys.

If you haven't seen the show yet, here's an example of just how damn freaky Teddy Perkins really was during his brief stint in "Atlanta." Spoiler alert ... RIP, Teddy.

"Atlanta" had a pretty solid night with 16 nominations and 3 wins ... including Katt Williams' for his role on the series.

Kevin Hart is set to step into a boxing ring with poker champ Antonio Esfandiari in March ... and there will be legit money on the line in the fight -- Antonio tells TMZ Sports.

First ... some backstory. Hart and Esfandiari have been solid friends for years -- having played in poker tournaments together every now and then.

Sooo ... when we got the 39-year-old card player leaving M Cafe and he liked the fact that our photog recognized him ... he gave us "some juice" on his friendship with the comedy icon.

"Kevin Hart and I were playing the other day, we were hanging out ... and somehow boxing comes up," Antonio tells us.

"So, we made a bet. And, in March, around March, we are going to box in a ring."

Bomb. Shell.

Antonio then revealed he's getting 35-to-1 odds in the bout ... mostly 'cause he plays with cards all day while Kevin's "in better shape," "he's an athlete," and "he's fast as hell."

Esfandiari wouldn't tell us how much cheddar is on the line ... but, Antonio is worth a reported $20 mil, while K. Hart's worth $57 million -- soooo, stakes are probably pretty high.

Good luck with the training!

Tim Tebow's bat has been hot lately ... but, his defense -- not so much, 'cause the ex-NFLer and current Mets farmhand took a ball straight to the dome in a minor league game Monday night!!

It all went down in Portland, Maine in a tilt between Tebow's Binghamton Rumble Ponies and the opposing Portland Sea Dogs ... when Josh Ockimey belted a ball deep to Tebow in left field.

The ball hit high off the wall and came crashing down ... right at Tim's head.

It clanked off his head -- rolled all the way to the fence in foul territory ... and ended up as an RBI triple.

Tebow's squad took the L, 5-3 ... but, it wasn't all Tim's fault -- he went 3-for-4 with two RBIs at the plate!!

By the way ... Tebow IS an All-Star this year, getting named to the Eastern League roster last week.

And, hey ... even MLB legends make blunders with their heads in the outfield every once in a while ...

President Trump ought to be ashamed of how easy it is for anyone -- maybe even the Russians -- to infiltrate the White House ... so claims "Stuttering John" Melendez who says he did exactly that.

We got John out in the San Fernando Valley Sunday and talked to him about the prank call heard 'round the world. ICYMI ... John -- a former fixture on the 'Howard Stern Show' -- prank-called the White House by posing as Sen. Bob Menendez. John says the Prez's son-in-law Jared Kushner himself patched the call through, allegedly connecting the comedian with 45 who was aboard Air Force One.

John -- who also claims his prank call triggered a visit from Secret Service over the weekend -- says, at the very least, he's exposed a huge security gap within this White House, which has reportedly been scrambling to figure out how this happened.

Prepare for the greatest alleged criminal getaway-turned-Canada's funniest home video -- because the suspect tried to go all Tom Cruise ... but ended up busting her ass falling through a ceiling!

Where: Alberta, Canada
When: Earlier this week
Why: Two robbery suspects -- a man and a woman -- at a convenience store were attempting to flee from a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer.

Long story short ... the cop busts out his taser to take down the guy. Meanwhile, his female friend tries to make a clean escape by running into the stockroom and climbing through the ceiling -- y'know, 'Mission: Impossible' style. She almost made it. Almost.

This entire caper was captured by the store's surveillance cameras. Thank God.

Klay Thompson took a break from celebrating his Warriors championship in China this week to get his ass whooped in Pop-A-Shot ... BY A BALLER-ASS LITTLE GIRL!!

The video is incredible ... a kid half of Klay's size hits shot after shot after shot -- while one of the NBA's greatest all-time shooters throws up bricks.

Unclear what the final score was ... but, at one point, it was 100 to 38.

Klay's college teammate at Wazzu appropriately captioned the video, "this girl is legend."