Royal Family

Millions of people around the world let out a collective "awwwww" as The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge stepped out and showed off their new baby king.

However, there were some who couldn't have cared less about all the royal hoopla... so we've replaced the royal rugrat with some random stuff for sheer entertainment purposes.

Prince William and Kate Middleton need to cut loose from tradition -- naming their kid George Alexander is right out of the royal playbook -- which dare we say is getting a little dusty.

We're not saying the royals need to steal a page from Gwyneth Paltrow and name the kid after fruit, but it wouldn't be terrible to give the kid a name that's a little more fun than "George."

No offense, Mr. Clooney.

But let's face it ... the most awesome royal name ever is not held by a royal at all ... it's held by a Jackson -- All hail Jermajesty!

Prince William and Kate Middleton are dirty secret keepers -- refusing to release the name of the future King of England ... and their subjects are pissed!

Well, actually a bunch of Americans with zero ties to England are pissed.

Here it is ... THE ROYAL BABY ... 's head ... and fingers ... so everyone can go back to their lives. Please.

Kate Middleton and Prince William debuted their infant overlord moments ago in London -- the third in line for the British throne -- and guess what? The kid is totally normal. Hooray.

1:14 PM PT -- Prince William's daddykins -- Charles the Prince of Wales -- has just released a statement on the birth of the baby ... saying, "Both my wife and I are overjoyed at the arrival of my first grandchild. It is an incredibly special moment for William and Catherine and we are so thrilled for them on the birth of their baby boy."

Also, it sounds like he hasn't seen the baby yet ... because he added, "We are eagerly looking forward to seeing the baby in the near future."

12:53 PM PT -- THE DOCUMENT HAS ARRIVED!!!! And it doesn't say anything interesting at all, except that Kate "safely delivered of a son" and she and the baby are doing well. Woo-freaking-hoo.

12:45 PM PT -- The medical document is currently en route!!! WHAT WILL IT SAY?!?!?

It's official, Prince William has secured his heir ... and millions of Brits just spilled their tea ... KATE MIDDLETON GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY!!!

According to Buckingham Palace officials, Kate popped at precisely 4:24 PM BST. The boy weighed in at 8 pounds 6 ounces.

After Prince Charles and William, the baby will become third in line to the British throne. Sorry Harry.

We still don't know the baby's name -- but we DO know he's got some iffy genes in the hair department, so we gotta ask ...

Prepare for the onslaught of new British Royal collectible tea sets, plates, shirts, hats, etc. -- 'cause the Royal great-grandbaby is due any minute.

The Queen's people have released a statement saying Kate Middleton is officially in labor at a hospital in London.

Hundreds of Brits have already taken to the streets to await their new master.

The Monarchy is still not saying if the new baby is a boy or a girl.

We know ... once Kate pops out the little squirt, a document will be signed by a member of the official royal medical staff and driven under royal escort to Buckingham Palace.

The medical document -- which will contain the fundamental birth info (sex, weight, time of birth) -- will be displayed on an "ornate easel" at the palace.

We're told the name will not be released straight away.

Stay tuned ... we'll have the news as it emerges from Kate's vagina.

Break out the tea and crumpets ... Andy Murray has won Wimbledon.

Murray took the title today, beating Novak Djokovic in straight sets ... 6-4, 7-5, 6-4.

As for the historical significance ... Murray becomes the first British male to win Wimbledon in 77 years. Queen Elizabeth II was 10 years old.

Queen Elizabeth's hidden treasure is no secret to Dr. Marcus Setchell -- aka the Royal gynecologist -- who will also get under Kate Middleton's hood to deliver, arguably, the most anticipated fetus of the year.

No pressure, doc (hope that catcher's mitt is broken in)!!

Queen Elizabeth wore this raincoat today in England.

Prince William and Prince Harry bow down to someone else other than the Queen ... the Dark Knight.

The Royal brothers -- along with pregnant Kate Middleton -- went batty acting like little kids checking out props from "The Dark Knight" trilogy at the opening of the new Warner Bros. Studios Leavesden in London on Friday.

If pregnant women were capable of jealousy, one would say Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson might be a little covetous of Kate Middleton's physique -- 'cause they're all due around the same time, and well, one of these things is not like the other.

The Duchess of Cambridge visited the Willows Primary School in Manchester, England yesterday ... and you could BARELY tell she was with fetus.

Kate's due to give birth to Prince William's baby in July ... the same time Kim K's due ... and Jessica is also expected to deliver kid #2 sometime around then.

Believe it or not, not every girl wants to be kissed by a prince.

Prince William got the ultimate rejection when an adorable little girl recoiled in horror after he tried to plant a wet one on her cheek in Scotland on Thursday ... clearly, she was not convinced he'd had his cooties shot.

Let there be no doubt ... Kate Middleton is ROYALLY pregnant -- and to prove it, she finally revealed her fetal protuberance while making an appearance in London yesterday.

A bunch of photos of Middleton's appearance have been floating around ... but this one really shows she's bumping along.

The Mayor of Las Vegas is making a serious plea to Prince Harry now that he's back from Afghanistan -- COME BACK TO VEGAS, ASAP!!!

Harry completed his 5-month military stint in the Middle East this week ... and once he got out of the war zone, he finally broke his silence about his Sin City naked photo scandal to the U.K. media ... saying, "I probably let myself down."

But TMZ spoke with Mayor Carolyn G. Goodman ... who thinks Harry deserves a Vegas do-over ... and tells us the city is ready to roll out the red carpet for His Royal Highness when he's ready to come back.

"We’re absolutely excited he’s home," Goodman says ... adding, "Prince Harry is always welcome in Las Vegas. When he was here everyone was talking about it. We welcome him back with open arms.”

It's no surprise ... considering the city reportedly enjoyed $23 million in free publicity that was generated by the naked billiards scandal.

It took 5 months, but Prince Harry is finally talking about his infamous game of strip billiards during his Las Vegas party weekend ... telling the media, "I probably let myself down."

Harry spoke with U.K. reporters after completing a 5-month military stint in Afghanistan -- and that's when someone asked about the pics ... first published on TMZ.com.

"I probably let myself down," Harry said ... adding, "I let my family down, I let other people down."

He continued ... "At the end of the day, I was in a private area and there should be a certain amount of privacy ... The way I was treated ... I don't think is acceptable."

"Back home all my close friends rallied round me and were great."

Harry said he considers the incident a "classic example of me probably being too much army and not enough prince".

We broke the story ... Harry had invited a bunch of random women he met at a hotel bar up to his VIP suite for a party back in August ... and during the shindig he stripped down to his birthday suit after losing a game of strip billiards.

Jacintha Saldanha -- the London nurse who killed herself after answering a prank call from two Aussie DJs -- reportedly had a HISTORY of failed suicide attempts.

Saldanha tried to take her own life TWICE in the last year alone, according to The Daily Mail ... first by ODing on pills last December, then again nine days later by attempting to jump off a building.

According to the report, Saldanha spent several days in an intensive care unit to recover, underwent psychiatric treatment and got scripts for a slew of antidepressants.