Ride Me

A NYC cabbie who pranked passengers with a live snake -- and posted their reactions to YouTube -- doesn't give two craps if the Taxi and Limousine Commission yanks his license ... he tells TMZ, he's on to much bigger things now.

Check out Jimmy Failla's video above -- it's pretty funny -- but New York City's TLC isn't laughing ... calling the prank "monumentally poor judgement on the driver's part." A rep says the commission is now actively reviewing Jimmy's TLC license. It's up for renewal next week.

But Jimmy tells us, if TLC wants to take his license away ... they can have it.

He says he shot the YouTube video to promote his new book ... and he's also making a living as a stand-up comedian -- so he doesn't need to drive cabs anymore. He never really liked doing it anyway.

"Real Housewives of Atlanta" star Porsha Williams got hosed in her divorce settlement with Kordell Stewart.

According to legal docs -- obtained by TMZ -- Porsha gets NO alimony, NO house, NO NFL retirement money, NO cash-out, NO health insurance. She even has to pay her own credit card balances.

It's almost like a western movie. She gets the Mercedes she drove in on, and that's about it. She does get to keep the engagement ring and all of her personal crap ... jewelry, clothes and other personal items.

As for Kordell ... he gets two houses, 2 plots of land, a 2013 Mercedes and a 2010 Porsche, and his full retirement benefits. He also gets to keep a 100% interest in his companies.

Pretty crazy -- considering there was a lot of talk on "Real Housewives" that Porsha and Kordell did NOT sign a prenup.

Porsha was fighting like crazy to stay in the house, but Kordell changed the locks on her.

And it gets even worse. She's on the chopping block for the show.

On the bright side ... a pawn shop would probably pay a pretty penny for that ring.

Kim Kardashian was a big hit in Beverly Hills today ... she got into a car crash near the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Kim was tooling around in her Mercedes G Wagon on Sunset Blvd. We're told she was turning left at an intersection and the other driver was going in the opposite direction with his right turn signal on. An eyewitness tells TMZ ... the driver did not make the turn, continued going straight and they collided.

Both cars were damaged, but it was not a huge deal. No one was ticketed.

And how's this for Hollywood ... both Kim and the other driver drove their whips to the Beverly Hills Hotel, exchanged info and then hugged goodbye.

Channing Tatum's got brown hair ... but he had a real blonde moment in L.A. last night.

Tatum was gassing up his vintage pick-up when we asked about the head transplant research going on in Italy right now -- seriously, it's a real thing.

We asked Channing if he could put his head on any person's body in the world ... which body would he pick? It was a pretty straightforward question, but Channing's answer ... just listen for yourself.

Talk about a bad day getting worse ... 'cause after Clayton Kershaw lost to the SF Giants yesterday, the Dodgers ace LOCKED HIS KEYS IN HIS CAR ... and had to call in a lefty for the save.

Ya gotta feel for the guy ... you can see the look on his face when he realizes he's locked out.

Come on ... we've all been there.

Kershaw -- along with several members of the Dodgers organization (including teammate Justin Turner) -- scrambled to break into the Ford ... but to no avail.

Eventually, a hero in a reflective green vest arrived to the scene on his noble white steed (his AAA truck) ... and managed to jimmy open the door.

Kershaw kept his cool during the ordeal ... and offered the guy some chips and a bottle of water.

Talk about worst timing ever -- Aaron Paul's badass vintage ride OVERHEATED Thursday night outside the Hollywood premiere for "Need for Speed" ... a movie that's supposed to be about gearhead street racers ... you know, car experts.

The video is pretty fantastic -- Aaron handles the whole situation like a boss, laughing his ass off as steam billows out of his engine just feet away from the red carpet. His wife on the other hand ... she doesn't take it so well.

Calle 13 rapper René Pérez Joglar is leading the charge against conspicuous consumption in the hip hop world -- he just beat his own Maserati to pieces and drove it off a cliff ... all to prove the point that money is killing music.

René pulled off the stunt for his new music video "Adentro" -- and if that wasn't cool enough ... baseball legend Willie Mays actually hands him the bat.

Rene tells us, "I bought the Maserati because I myself fell victim to the stereotypes. I thought that once I had a nice house and a nice car that meant I had made it in the entertainment industry."

The Miami Beach cop who says he saw Justin Bieber drag racing before his DUI arrest may have been caught in a BIG FAT LIE ... because the GPS results from the cop's car shows normal speed.

TMZ has obtained the GPS readout during the 4 AM hour on January 23. Bieber was stopped at 4:11 AM. The cop claims he saw Bieber drag racing rapper Khalil at speeds between 55 and 60.

Now here's the problem. According to the GPS readout on the cop car ... it was going 11 MPH at the 2600 block of Pine Tree Dr. ... which is where the cop says he first spotted the singer in the Lambo.

The cop accelerated from 11 to 31 MPH in a single block but stayed between 30 and 40 for 3 blocks.

The GPS readout shows the cop car accelerated to 46 and then 49 ... but that's the FASTEST it went.

Now this is significant ... at the 3700 block of Pine Tree ... the cop car had slowed down to 31 MPH. This street is critical because according to the cop it was smack in the middle of the drag race. And get this ... we already broke the story that Bieber's GPS shows he was going 27 MPH on that block.

So the question ... where the hell is the drag race? Remember, the other cop on scene may have lied about smelling alcohol on Bieber's breath ... fact is, the singer registered a .014.

The GPS makes the case against Bieber VERY shaky because it calls the arresting officer's credibility into question. We're told Khalil's lawyer, Bradford Cohen, is going to attack the cop's credibility. Khalil was also busted for DUI.

Tyga's $2 million whip was the flame -- and 2 hot chicks were the moths in a West Hollywood nightclub parking lot. Question is: would Tyga's baby mama, Blac Chyna approve of what went down?

The answer is, well ... tricky.

Terrell Owens and Tony Hawk are messing with some serious emotions -- appearing in a commercial for a "Back to the Future" style hover board ... that's obviously some sort of joke.

But it's not just T.O. and T.H.who appear in the video -- Doc Brown himself, Chistopher Lloyd, is also in on the rouse ... along with Moby and actress Agnes Bruckner.

So far, it's unclear who's behind the video -- but it's pretty clear it's part of some kind of viral marketing campaign.

There have been rumors about a real-life hover board for decades.

Hopefully, whatever this is, helps move those plans along.

Tyga's $2 million luxury car made him the Pied Piper of thirsty chicks outside a nightclub last night ... and the video is awesome!

Tyga couldn't resist bragging about his customized Maybach 62 S Landaulet outside DBA nightclub in West Hollywood -- yelling, "$2 million car n***a!"

He added a jab at Birdman too ... for only dropping $1.5 mil on a similar ride.

But money aside ... the best part of the clip is watching the crowd of hot babes following Tyga and his Maybach out of the parking lot -- one of 'em desperately trying to give him her number.

There's a reason the Dalai Lama preaches against people seeking riches ... he doesn't have to because he gets lots of freebies ... and not without a dose of guilt.

Dalai's camp tried to squeeze a private jet company into giving him a free jet ride or at the very least a STEEP discount.

Here's what we know. The Dalai Lama was in L.A. last Friday and needed to fly to Minneapolis. His people contacted ZephyrJets to book a flight.

Dalai's people sent an email to ZephyrJets, saying another jet company flew their leader from San Francisco to L.A. gratis, and they wanted to see what Zephyr could do for them on the next leg.

The email says they were asking "a few friends" if they could get a jet for free, but they wanted a backup plan in case the friends didn't come through. They made it clear they didn't want to pay the $44K price tag.

In another email -- sent before their freebie pitch -- Dalai's people greased the wheels with Zephyr by playing the Lama card: "Yes the Dalai Lama will be very grateful."

We don't know how the Dalai Lama got to Minneapolis or what, if anything he shelled out. But it sounds like it was a divine flight.

Clinton Portis was expecting a fancy town car to take him to the airport this morning -- instead, he got a '99 Honda Civic and a driver who wouldn't put down a bucket of fried chicken ... so, of course, he took pics.

The former Pro-Bowl running back was out in Charlotte, NC on business -- and got hooked up with a car service that was supposed to take the VIP back to the airport in style.

Instead, Portis tells TMZ Sports ... "A 75 year old woman pulled up in a black 99' Civic, and there's two baby seats in the back."

"I put my bag on the baby seat and I got in the front. The lady was eating Bojangles [chicken]. I said 'this gotta be a prank."

It was no prank. This chicken-chowing chauffeur then asked Portis if HE knew the way to the airport. Not a good sign.

"We were at a red light and she punched the gas. We spun out. I couldn't stop laughing."

Rihanna was in a real hurry to dinner Friday night in Paris -- not only did she get a police escort to the restaurant ... her car nearly ran over a crowd of pedestrians in the process.

You can see it all in the video -- Rihanna's police escort breezes through a crosswalk ... and several pedestrians try to cross the street behind it ... but Rihanna's car cuts them off. It's a really close call.

Thankfully, Rihanna made it to dinner in one piece. (FYI, the restaurant's called Farnesina.)

Now shut up and drive.

12:48 PM PT -- We just got the FULL birthday wish video ... Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Mack Maine, Bow Wow, and DJ Khaled are in it too. Pretty cool.

Justin Bieber now does BIRTHDAYS -- at least for the filthy rich daughters of millionaire rap executives -- and we got video proof ... the Biebs singing for Birdman's little girl at her over-the-top sweet sixteen this weekend.

Bria Williams celebrated the big 1-6 at The Bath Club in Miami Beach Saturday night -- a Paris-themed bash replete with a Bugatti'd out arrival, a "glitter" carpet entrance, a giant cake ... and her big present, a matte black Mercedes G-Class.

But the real highlight -- Bieber sent her a "happy birthday" video ... which was played in the middle of the party.

It's a nice gesture ... but don't count on Bieber sending you one if you're not worth at least $100 million.

Protecting Sir Paul McCartney is no laughing matter -- and last night his bodyguard threatened to open a major can of whoopass on photogs ... in the form of a stun gun.

The altercation went down right after Sir Paul and Dave Grohl were wrapping up a double date for dinner at Crossroads restaurant.

McCartney was stepping into his chauffeur driven ride ... and the bodyguard clearly thought the paparazzi were getting a little too close, 'cause he barked out ... "Don't make me use my stun gun!"