Real Housewives

Joanna Krupa's lady parts have finally had enough of Brandi Glanville alleging there is a major funk down there ... so Joanna's gearing up to take Brandi to court.

According to a legal letter sent from Krupa's lawyer to Glanville -- and obtained by TMZ -- JK is warning the 'RHBH' star ... her ass is about to get hit with a defamation lawsuit.

Brandi and Joanna have been feuding since November 2013 when Glanville went on "Watch What Happens Live" and claimed she'd heard from a friend ... Krupa's nether region "smelled."

She re-iterated that again just last month ... which made Krupa go ballistic about Glanville to a TMZ photog -- and most likely led to lawyers drafting this letter.

Claudia Jordan wants to make two things clear: Her dislike of Nene Leakes is LEGIT ... and her pleasure point is doing just fine.

Claudia and Nene engaged in an epic war of words during the last "Real Housewives of Atlanta" -- when Nene accused Claudia of sleeping with so many men ... her clitoris had bailed on her. Whatever that means.

But CJ set the record straight in NYC Monday night with a gynecological update (based on her last shower) -- and took a few new shots at Nene for her lack of clever insults.

She even suggests ... it might be time for the reigning queen of 'RHOA' to move on.

Ooohh, yes she did!

Teresa Giudice may have just had a reversal of fortune, because we've learned Bravo is seriously considering shelving "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" until Teresa gets sprung ... they think she's THAT important to the success of the show.

Our sources say Bravo execs have been holding meetings and they're "strongly leaning" in the direction of putting the show on ice, because without Teresa it's boring. Bravo is worried a bad season could tank the show, and it's just safer to wait.

This is not sitting well with the rest of the cast. Bruised egos aside, the women are pissed at the prospect of not pulling in a paycheck for more than a year. She's serving 15 months.

Teresa, who has a conflict with virtually every other "housewife" on the show, can almost certainly use this turn of events to her financial advantage. It's pretty basic ... the more the network needs you, the more you make.

Teresa Giudice doesn't have access to MAC products, but a company has jerry-rigged a Sephora-like experience that will keep her fresh and young-ish.

PRIV -- an app that sends a beauty expert straight to your door -- sent Teresa a letter offering beauty hacks for pretty women behind bars. The products generally have a primary purpose that is not cosmetic, but they work in a pinch. They include:

-- Vaseline, which acts as a lip exfoliant. PRIV advises that Teresa gently use a toothbrush to buff her lips with the lubricant, wipe with cool water and dab dry.

-- Advil Liqui-Gels. Break open the capsule. It's great for acne.

-- Protein Powder. Add a few scoops to the commissary conditioner. It boosts hair growth and locks in the moisture and shine.

-- Uncooked Oatmeal and Coffee Grinds. Great for the skin. Combine in equal parts and add just enough water to make a paste for a simple scrub. The oatmeal soothes while the coffee invigorates the skin.

Teresa and Joe Giudice just DRASTICALLY reduced the asking price for their New Jersey mansion, because they MUST move out stat for cheaper digs.

The convicted couple just slashed half a mil off the asking price. But the situation is more dire than it seems. They had initially listed the house for $3.99 million, but there were no takers, so in November they lowered the price by $500,000. Still no takers.

The latest cut brings the asking price to a relatively reasonable $2.99 mil. Their realtor believes that should do the trick.

Teresa and Joe are cash strapped after their conviction and they want to radically downsize.

Teresa Giudice played a form of "Let's Make a Deal" before going to prison ... and she ended up losing a huge cash prize.

Door #1: We're told Bravo was prepared to offer her a "huge deal" if she allowed them to film her final days before entering the big house. Our sources say she would have scored in excess of $50K.

Door #2: Turn down the offer because it might piss off prison officials and others who could possibly grant her an early release.

We're told Teresa chose Door #2.

Teresa says she didn't want to exploit her family's goodbyes -- which is ironic because she had no problem putting them on 6 seasons of 'Housewives' and sitting down with Andy Cohen for $$$.

Sources close to Bravo say the talks Teresa had with Bravo were "informal."

Sweet freedom tastes just like a sad egg sandwich -- at least that's what "Real Housewives of New Jersey" star Teresa Giudice wants to remember it was like.

Teresa was snapped at 2 AM Monday, somberly chowing down her last meal as a free woman -- a hot egg sandwich at Elmer's Diner in Danbury, where she'll be spending the next 15 months.

We're told she spent most of her time at the table with her lawyer ... on her phone, saying goodbye to friends.

Pretty sure she perked up when she saw that prison commissary list.

"Real Housewives of New Jersey" inmate Teresa Giudice will be living in the relative lap of luxury while locked up for the next 15 months ... bathing with Dove soap and sipping cappuccinos.

TMZ got its hands on the commissary list from Danbury prison ... it ain't Whole Foods but it's a whole lot better than you'd think. Her food choices include:

-- Hummus and macaroons
-- Albacore tuna
-- Cilantro cubes
-- Louisiana hot sauce
-- Deli meat
-- Oreos
-- Dove bars
-- Wild berry frozen yogurt

And there's plenty she can buy to pass the time, including MP3 players w/ Skullcandy earbuds. She can also buy make-up and cover up those zits with acne cream.

And forget sandpaper to clean yourself ... she can buy Charmin, baby! And for those lingering smells, she can purchase fragrance oils.

The best part ... we're told Teresa can spend more than an entire family -- $320/week -- and get this ... her family can put as much money in her account as they want.

So when she's not stocking up on vitamins and beauty supplies she'll be binge eating Fruity Dyno Bites.

She's going to be VERY popular.

"Real Housewives of New Jersey" star Teresa Giudice is ringing in the New Year as an inmate ... after checking herself into prison early Monday morning.

Giudice will be serving her 15-month sentence at the Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, Connecticut. According to our sources, Giudice showed up at 3:00 AM ... without husband Joe in tow. He was spotted later in the morning driving the couple's kids to school.

Giudice pled guilty in March to bankruptcy fraud and conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud.

Once Teresa is sprung, Joe will serve a 41-month sentence for fraud. This way while one parent is behind bars, the other can do double duty.

Which do you think bothers Bethenny Frankel's soon-to-be ex-husband more -- seeing her amazing body in a tiny bikini ... or that she's rocking it with her new man?

Frankel spent the day of New Year's Eve on the beach in Miami with new beau Michael Cerussi. Bethenny's daughter with estranged hubby Jason Hoppy is reportedly with the couple on the trip.

As if all this wasn't enough to irk Hoppy -- whose divorce from Bethenny is still not quite final -- Frankel tweeted, "NYE day & i'm exactly where i want to be with exactly who I want to be with."

Porsha Williams must be bucking for a promotion on RHOA -- because the chick who got demoted for having boring story lines ... just got arrested for blazing down an Atlanta highway.

TMZ has learned the "Real Housewives" star was pulled over today for allegedly speeding -- cops say 78 mph in a 55 zone -- and they claim she was driving on a suspended license.

Cops hauled Porsha off to jail ... where she was booked. We're told she posted $1,726 to bond out.

Still, she did some time. Hear that 'Housewives' producers? Porsha's gangsta now.

A key player on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" not only shattered the tranquility of a spa, she downright broke it ... this according to a crazy new lawsuit.

Marisa Zanuck runs a real estate company in Bev Hills, which is located next door to Vida Emanuel European Day Spa, which prides itself on a total zen experience.

Marisa -- always one to impress -- decided she needed to spruce up her offices, so a construction crew came in at 9AM and the soothing Enya soundtrack was overpowered by jackhammers.

The spa owner says it was like a war scene ... pieces of her wall crumbled, light fixtures fell off the wall, bottles of fancy oil crashed to the ground ... it was a disaster.

She complained 3 times ... to no avail, and says she was left with no choice but to scream through the broken walls at the workers.

The spa is suing Marisa for thousands of dollars in damages.

And that's not a happy ending.

'Real Housewife' Joanna Krupa sounds like she's ready to physically duke it out with archenemy Brandi Glanville ... calling her a trailer trash fame whore who is a European model wannabe.

Krupa went ballistic when our photog asked about Brandi, who trashed her on Andy Cohen's show. Glanville insinuated Cohen got food poisoning from bad fish ... code for Krupa's smelly vagina.

Krupa went for the jugular, telling us Brandi is so pathetic there's no room for doubt on why Eddie Cibrian dumped her.

Watch the video. It has all the makings of a fabulous bitch fight.

"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" star Phaedra Parks says she's going to prison for the holidays, and she may be bringing her kids.

Phaedra's hubby Apollo Nida is serving an 8 year sentence for money laundering and check fraud, and it looked like it would be the loneliest of times because Phaedra said she would NOT visit him.

But she's softened for the holidays, and now says her and the kids will probably go on a field trip to the big house.

And check this out ... even though she's said she'll divorce Apollo, she's still wearing the ring.

Teresa Guidice may be a criminal, but she's not as bad as people are making her out to be in the restitution department.

There has been a torrent of criticism that Teresa funded her daughter's 2 music videos when she still owes the government hundreds of thousands of dollars in restitution and she stiffed her creditors by declaring bankruptcy.

But we've learned ... Teresa didn't ante up a red cent for the 3KT videos. Gia Guidice's manager, Xhist Entertainment, tells TMZ the videos were funded by the management company and private investors ... not Teresa or Joe.

There are reports Teresa blew 5 figures on the videos. We're told they were way cheaper -- $5K-8K a pop.

She's bad, but not that bad.

Ex-"Real Housewives" star Carlton Gebbia says she may have been fired, but she won in the end because Bravo secretly came back to her on hands and knees, asking her to return.

Carlton got her walking papers from "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" ... because the audience didn't connect to her Wiccan ways ... something the show wanted her to do.

We're told Bravo execs had a meeting with Carlton, asking her to make a few appearances. She made it clear ... she had NO interest in returning.

But fast forward to this week, when Andy Cohen went on his show and publicly apologized to Carlton, saying the show screwed up by portraying her as a wicked witch when she's actually a devoted mom, a fun wife and a savvy businesswoman.

That did the trick. Carlton tells us she's now open to returning to the show.

To be continued.