Real Housewives

What's more distracting than Joanna Krupa's giant boobs spilling out of a skin-tight gold dress? Her humungous DIAMOND ring ... a ring SO BIG it blinded half a city block (maybe) ... and we got it up close.

Our photog spotted the "Real Housewives of Miami" star Saturday night in L.A. and asked to see the massive rock on her finger, considering JK tied the knot Thursday with Romain Zago ... in a wedding that reportedly cost $1 MILLION.

You may have seen pics, but nothing can prepare you for how HUGE the radiant-cut yellow diamond is up close ... seriously, you have to see it. Even Jennifer Aniston would be jealous.

Brandi Glanville is blaming the whole stolen dog thing on her assistant -- TMZ has learned, the "Real Housewives" star has FIRED her right-hand woman for not taking better care of the pooch.

The 23-year-old ex-assistant -- who didn't want to be named -- tells TMZ, "I no longer work for Brandi. She texted me [Saturday] saying that I didn’t do my job by losing the dog."

As we reported, Brandi's Encino home was burglarized last Wednesday while she was in Palm Springs -- or so the assistant claims -- and someone made off with her beloved Chihuahua Chica.

After the alleged burglary, Brandi said she did NOT want to blame her assistant -- the last person to be with the dog before it vanished -- but something must have changed ... because the asst. tells us, that's exactly what Brandi did by giving her the chop.

Now the assistant's upset -- telling us she did everything in her power to make sure Chica was safe (double checking the doors, closing all windows, locking everything) and firing her just isn't fair.

Oh yeah, she also says Brandi still owes her for two weeks' work ... more than $1,000. Chica's still missing.

Kenya Moore is no deadbeat renter ... and according to the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" star the landlady trying to evict her is, like a plugged-up toilet ... full of crap!

Kenya's being sued for eviction by Conya Weems-Dillon for allegedly coming up $848 short on her May rent (a cool $3,999 / month) and breaking several terms of the lease agreement.

Now, Kenya has fired back with her own lawsuit -- obtained by TMZ -- claiming Weems-Dillon is lying and plotting to intimidate her into moving out of the 6-bedroom, 6-bath house.

In her suit, Kenya says she's paid rent in full for May AND June ... and claims her landlady constantly enters the house without notice.

She also alleges Weems-Dillon made up the conflict over the lease in order to sell a story to the media ... and the eviction is just the landlady's latest attempt to damage her rep.

Weems-Dillon's attorney hasn't returned our calls for comment.

Kenya's countersuing for wrongful eviction, slander and emotional distress ... she claims she's been "shunned" by friends since the eviction story broke.

"Real Housewives of Bev Hills" star Mauricio Umansky snuck a handful of his wife Kyle Richards' butt on the way out of Bootsy Bellows nightclub in Hollywood last night.

Taylor Armstrong does not believe a word Brandi Glanville says about her missing dog, calling the idea that the pooch was stolen just "a publicity stunt."

It didn't sound like a publicity stunt when Glanville called in to "TMZ Live" yesterday and began bawling hysterically as she talked about how someone broke into her home and stole one of her dogs.

Brandi's story is a little off (or at least, her assistant's version of the events is) and Taylor was in full agreement as she slammed her "RHOBH" co-star on her way into Aventine in Hollywood last night.

Whatever happened, let's just hope little Chica gets home safe.

Brandi Glanville broke down in tears on "TMZ Live" Friday while talking about her dog that may have been "stolen" from her house ... a theft that has some very strange markers.

TMZ broke the story ... Glanville returned home from Palm Springs after her assistant informed her someone had broken into Glanville's home and made off with her chihuahua Chica ... but nothing else -- nothing.

Glanville said it seemed odd that the dog was the only thing taken, but told us, "I don't wanna blame my assistant. I don't know if she lost them and is making up the story and only found one … But I have to believe what she tells me because I don't know."

Brandi Glanville claims someone BROKE INTO HER HOME AND STOLE HER DOG ... and now the "Real Housewives" star is on a mission to get her back.

TMZ spoke with Brandi ... she was in Palm Springs with Lisa Vanderpump and Yolanda Foster earlier this week, when she received a call that someone had busted in to her home in Encino, CA and made off with her dog Chica ...her precious chihuahua.

Brandi tells us ... she immediately drove home from Palm Springs and began searching everywhere for her pet.

Brandi says ...when she searched the home, she found a screen on a bathroom window had been ripped open -- the obvious point of entry for the bad guy.

We're told NOTHING else was missing from the home.

Brandi says she filed a report with the LAPD.

Brandi says she's received calls from people claiming to have the dog -- but they've all turned out to be hoaxes.

Fish and chips ... Crumpets ... Russell Brand ... hating the Irish -- these are things British people LOVE. Oral sex, however, does not belong on that list ... so says authentic British person Lisa Vanderpump.

In related news ... Lisa shot back at a report someone ate box at her restaurant -- cardboard box that is.

LV says the allegation that a patron found cardboard in a Villa Blanca salad is ridiculous ... but says even if it were true, the patron should be GRATEFUL ... 'cause cardboard is high in fiber.

Polish supermodel Joanna Krupa wants to show the entire world the two perky reasons why everyone should be watching "Real Housewives of Miami."

With the heat in Florida just too much for her beautiful supple skin to bear, the 34-year-old former not hooker "Dancing with the Stars" contestant set her gorgeous gals free and sunbathed topless on Friday.

But Joanna and the twins were not alone, as her lucky ass fiancé Romain supervised the entire accidentally on purpose -- but amazing -- photo op.

Ex-NFL star Kordell Stewart says his estranged wife's dire financial problems are her own fault -- claiming she's an entitled brat who's terrible with money and there's no way in hell he's coughing up a dime to get her a new house.

TMZ broke the story ... "Real Housewives of ATL" star Porsha Williams filed docs in her nasty divorce with KS claiming he locked her out of their marital home, has refused to find her a new pad, and she's been forced to shack up with her mom. She asked a judged to force Kordell to help her out.

Now, Kordell is firing back in legal docs, claiming Porsha's attempt to victimize herself as "locked out" is a sick ploy to "make herself more marketable in the media" and couldn't be further from the truth.

Here's Kordell's version of what happened:

KS says he texted Porsha, telling her he was changing the locks DAYS before he pulled the trigger. He claimed it was for security purposes and added, "If and when you need to get in give me a heads up."

He says he even told his lawyer to get a list from Porsha of everything she needed to gain access to the marital home and he'd be happy to cover it. He added that she could get her belongings whenever she needed.

Kordell also argues that Porsha is a celebrity who makes a ton of cash, but due to her own "financial negligence" finds herself strapped ... and living with her mother.

To make his point, Kordell claims Porsha uses her money for "grooming and clothing items" -- rather than paying her bills -- which he claims is why she had her condo foreclosed and failed to pay her taxes.

Besides having tons of money, a ridiculously rich husband and a sick Malibu mansion, "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star Yolanda Foster also has a model child.

Yolanda supervised as her gorgeous 17-year-old professional catwalking daughter Gigi Hadid rocked a bikini and a pair of Roman gladiator sandals on a photo shoot in L.A. on Wednesday.

Fun fact: Yolanda is currently married to music mogul David Foster, but Gigi is her daughter with ex-husband Mohamed Hadid ... the celeb real estate contractor who just settled a huge lawsuit with Sylvester Stallone over alleged shoddy home renovations.

Kordell Stewart REAALLLY doesn't wanna see his estranged wife Porsha Williams anymore ... 'cause the ex-NFL star just changed the locks on the family home to keep her out ... this according to Porsha.

The "Real Housewives of ATL" star just filed new docs in her divorce war with Kordell ... and it appears the nasty split just got even NASTIER.

According to the docs, filed in family court in Georgia and obtained by TMZ, Porsha claims Kordell has locked her out of their residence on multiple occasions ... and she had to have her lawyer beg Kordell's people for a key.

Sources close to the situation tell us Kordell isn't playing ball -- and hasn't forked over a key.

But there's more ... according to the docs, Porsha tried to work things out with Kordell in a mediation session, but she claims he blew the whole thing off ... and called it a "waste of everyone's time."

Porsha wants a judge to force Kordell to either allow her to use the house ... or pay her enough cash so she can get a "suitable alternative residence."

Sources tell us Porsha is currently living with her mom in ATL -- guess she feels it's just not a "suitable residence" for a grown woman.

Lisa Vanderpump's hubby Ken escaped the long arm of the law this week -- when he was pulled over by a cop in West Hollywood ... for something that probably WASN'T EVEN HIS FAULT!!!

Here's the deal -- sources tell us an eagle-eyed cop spotted Ken's fancy Bentley cruising down Santa Monica Blvd. at nighttime WITHOUT his headlights on.

But here's the rub ... we're told Ken had just picked up Lisa from their restaurant SUR ... and we're guessing that's where things went wrong.

WHY? Because he probably left the car with the valet ... and sometimes valets TURN OFF YOUR HEADLIGHTS (even if they're set to automatic) ... and it drives us frickin' CRAZY!!!!

Anywho ... Ken didn't get in trouble for the headlight issue, the cop let him drive off without a ticket.

We can't confirm the valet thing either ... but c'mon, you KNOW it's happened to you.

'90s TV actress Carlton Gebbia has high hopes for her upcoming stint on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" ... telling friends she hopes to ditch the TV cat fights and empower women instead. Goooood luck.

Sources tell us ... Carlton, who guest starred on shows like "The Young and the Restless" and "Suddenly Susan" back in the day, is definitely joining the cast for season 4. Bravo has yet to confirm it, but our sources tell us it's happening.

Plus, we got Carlton out in L.A. recently and she all but said, "Yes, I'm on the show." Instead she talked about what she WOULD do IF she were on it. Yeah.

The addition should be interesting ... our sources tell us, Carlton's made it clear -- she's "sick of the silly s**t women do" on "Real Housewives" and wants to portray her sex as beautiful, strong and powerful, i.e., no table flipping.

"Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" honchos are still on the hunt for fresh "RHOBH" meat, and Casey Kasem's wife tells TMZ ... she's in talks with Bravo to be that meat.

The Real Housewives of NYC have banded together against the Bravo Network -- REFUSING to continue on the show unless they ALL get huge raises, TMZ has learned.

Sources tell us ... LuAnn de Lesseps, Carole Radziwill, Aviva Drescher, Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan and Heather Thomson were recently approached by Bravo individually with contract offers to appear on Season 6, which is supposed to begin production on Monday.

But the women were each unhappy with the offers ... and figured they would have more leverage against the network if they teamed up ... just like the cast of "Friends" did back in the day.

We're told the women approached Bravo as a group and made their demand clear -- FAT RAISES FOR ALL ... OR WE QUIT.

Here's where it gets interesting -- sources tell us the network is FURIOUS ... and has told the group they have until Friday (tomorrow) to sign the offers that are currently on the table, or they're all FIRED.

Translation -- IT'S A STANDOFF!!!!!

One thing to consider -- Season 5 of "NYC Housewives" was one of the lowest rated seasons in the show's run.