Real Housewives

The media whores sucked face while docked on a boat in Newport Harbor on Wednesday.

Bereavement is so overrated!

Kim Zolciak, the horrible wigged diva from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta," is asking a judge for a protective order -- but, refreshingly, against her former publicist.

Zolciak says the dude hijacked her website and began trashing her online.

Zolciak claims, in legal papers filed in Georgia, after she fired him -- that he changed all the passwords and began posting items claiming, among other things, she was broke as a joke and couldn't even pay for the website.

Of all the negative things the guy could have said....

Slade Smiley from "The Real Housewives of Orange County" -- yes, there are guys on that show -- was picked up by Costa Mesa PD today on a civil contempt warrant.

We're told Smiley was popped this afternoon and is currently being held on $10,000 bail.

It's unclear what the warrant is for ... there's a buzz it involves unpaid child support, but so far we haven't confirmed it.

UPDATE -- Slade's people are saying he was "unaware" that the warrant existed until he was arrested. The warrant had to do with money he owed his baby mama for their son who has been suffering from a rare form of brain cancer for several years. He says, "This is an unfortunate situation that has occurred. My son is very ill and we have been working on resolving the issue of support vs. his enormous medical bills with the appropriate agencies for several months now. It is sad that individuals would take advantage of the situation in an attempt to defame and discredit me in such a public manner. For those who know me, there is nothing more important than my children."

One of the chicks from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" is raising hell over her multi-million dollar divorce settlement -- claiming she needs more cash to compensate for her total lack of brain power.

Sheree Whitfield -- who was married to former NFL lineman Bob Whitfield -- just filed an appeal with the Georgia Supreme Court. According to a court spokesperson, Sheree's lawyers argued she was wrongly denied alimony and needs it because she lacks the education and skill set to make good money on her own.

Under the original settlement agreement, Whitfield received a $775,000 lump sum, more than $1.1 million in marital property, a portion of Bob's NFL retirement plans and $2,142 a month in child support -- but no alimony.

Bob's attorney claims the $113,422-a-year he's required to give her is enough -- and claims Sheree should be fined $2,500 by the court for wasting everyone's time.

Four obvious reasons to watch Monday's ep of "The Bonnie Hunt Show." Anderson Cooper, eat your heart out.

Major-huge record producer Dallas Austin is lashing out at the "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" star on his MySpace page after Kim announced he was helping her with an upcoming album. Austin's newest blog screams, "We are not doing a song, we are not doing an album ... that was only for television!"

Austin made several appearances on the show -- he was even shown working with Kim in a record studio. But after the rant, it looks like the only thing Dallas will put on blast -- is Kim.

Reality catfights are all fun and games -- until somebody drags children and crack into it.

Lisa Wu Hartwell from "Real Housewives of Atlanta" tells TMZ she did leave a threatening voicemail for her rival co-star-- but only because Kim Zolciak called her a "crack whore" and insulted her children.

Lisa admits she lost her temper, but believes Kim -- the one who dated "Big Poppa" -- is using this minor incident as a catalyst to become the next reality show Z-list celeb.

Hartwell says there's no hard feelings -- as long as Kim leaves her children out of the mix. In other words, "Keep my name out ya mouth!"

Kim Zolciak from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" got just such a VM from one of her co-stars, Lisa Wu Hartwell. Lisa has been upset with Kim since she heard Zolciak was talking behind her back about her and her children. On the voicemail, Lisa can be heard saying "I am not the one -- you need to call me. I might just be coming to your house."

Kim claims she is 30 and so scared from the VM she has consulted a lawyer and may be seeking legal action. A rep from Bravo tells us this situation is a personal matter and they don't get involved in personal matters.

Until season two, that is.

One of them says she is 29. Alexis is 39.

We're just sayin'.

Josh Waring, the son of Lauri Waring from "The Real Housewives of Orange County," was sentenced Monday to 240 days in the pokey for possession of heroin and ecstasy and an intent to sell.

But here's the rub: Josh was actually turned in by his own mother! Apparently Lauri showed up to her condo where Josh was living, and found drugs on the premises. She contacted the cops, even telling them where her son's hangout spots were and he was busted the next day.

Guess that's OC tough love!

Gotta find some way to get that attention, right?

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Waring was hanging out in front of a Comfort Inn in Laguna Beach when he was approached by police cruiser and took off running.

When cops caught up with him, they say he was high as a kite. Cops executed a search warrant at the hotel, and allegedly found a large amount of drugs in his room.

He's currently cooling his heels in the Orange County jail, charged with two felony counts of possession and intent to sell both heroin and ecstasy, a misdemeanor count of unauthorized possession of a hypodermic needle and being under the influence of heroin -- also a misdemeanor.

A Wall Street management company may learn the hard way -- skank is now a protected class in the US of A.

Jason Colodne is suing Patriarch Partners for $55 mil, claiming he was wrongfully fired because he appeared on the TV show "The Real Housewives of New York City." NEW YORK CITY!

According to the suit, first reported by Page Six, Jason's GF, Bethenny Frankel, is a cast member, and he appeared on an episode to promote a charity that raises money for neurofibromatosis. By the way, Jason wasn't working in the mail room. He was Prez of the frickin' company.