Pets

We don't post jokes on TMZ, but this one is so frickin' hilarious we made an exception.

Bill Maher was on his game per usual Friday night, and he riffed on a story about a school kid's science project designed to answer the question ... "Does your cat's butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home?"

Kaeden Griffin, a 6th grader from Tennessee, and his mom -- who was homeschooling the boy -- decided to crack the case by putting red lipstick on the buttholes of their 2 felines. The cats went here and there in the house and mother and son chronicled their results.

In case you're wondering ... long and medium-haired cats made no butthole contact with soft or hard surfaces, but the buttholes of short-haired cats never touched hard services. Sounds like a smear campaign if you ask us.

Anyway ... Bill's take on 'Real Time' is just hysterical. Watch and laugh your ass off.

President Biden's dog, Major, will soon have a new four-legged pal around the White House ... 'cause the Bidens are getting a cat and they made sure Major can handle it.

Biden and the First Lady, Dr. Jill Biden, told "Today" Major underwent special training that included the German Shepard visiting a cat shelter to see how he reacts around cats ... and he did fine.

When "Today" co-anchor Craig Melvin brought up Major, Biden joked, "We were going to bring him in to see you" ... to which Melvin replied, "Well, I don’t know if that’s the best idea based on what I’ve heard about Major."

Jill defended Major ... calling him a "sweet, lovable dog."

Major, of course, has had 2 biting incidents at the White House ... with the first one getting him and his pal, Champ, sent back to Delaware last month. Major eventually returned but just days later there was another biting incident ... prompting some extra handlers and a new trainer.

Multiple people who allegedly dognapped Lady Gaga's 2 French Bulldogs and shot her dog walker have been arrested ... law enforcement sources tell TMZ.

Multiple law enforcement sources tell us the alleged culprits were arrested on a variety of charges, including attempted murder and robbery. They were arrested Thursday.

We're told cops got video of where the dogs were dropped off in an alley days after the February 24 dognapping ... and it became key evidence in hunting down the alleged criminals.

The woman who "found" the dogs was also arrested, according to law enforcement sources. As we reported, cops were suspicious of her from the jump and that's why Gaga was advised by cops not to pay the $500,000 reward.

We're told cops initially thought this was some sort of gang initiation, but later changed the theory to a dog-stealing ring. French Bulldogs are a hot commodity and can be resold for lots of money.

We're told police believe the dognappers got nervous with all the publicity surrounding the incident and decided to bail on the dogs and, while they were at it, cash in on the reward.

As we reported, Gaga got her dogs back unharmed ... they were tied up in an alley when the woman called the number Gaga had posted.

The dogwalker, Ryan Fischer, was in the hospital for several weeks but we're told he's OK.

Alfred Hitchcock is smiling somewhere -- hundreds of birds overran a Southern California home, and even spent the night ... and the video is straight out of that very famous horror movie.

The nightmarish scene played out recently in Torrance, CA where a family says they counted at least 800 birds flapping around inside their pad.

Video shows the huge flock ominously circling above the home before diving in through the chimney and then causing all kinds of chaos inside.

As you can see, the avian invasion took over every nook and cranny of the home -- birds were on the ceiling, along the windows, in the corners, in the bedrooms, in the bathrooms, on the furniture, on the stairs ... everywhere.

Oh, and ya know what birds do -- there's poop. Lots and lots of bird poop!!!

The family says the birds, which are migrating north, were in their home for a few days and didn't seem to want to leave for some odd reason. They actually spent one night with the birds, but it was too much, and the next night they moved to a hotel.

April the Giraffe is gone, but not forgotten at the park where she captivated millions -- not only is there a new statue of her, but April's ashes will also be spread around the memorial.

A rep for the Animal Adventure Park in upstate NY tells TMZ ... they're celebrating Opening Day Wednesday by unveiling bronze statues in memory of the giraffes that passed -- April and her youngest son, Azizi who was born in March 2019 but unexpectedly died last year.

We're told the bronze statues are displayed just off of the park's giraffe yard and feeding deck. And April's ashes are in the memorial too.

As we reported ... April died earlier this year after her arthritis became much too painful, prompting park officials to do the humane thing and euthanize her. She captivated the world in 2017 and racked up millions of YouTube views on the park's live stream as fans waited weeks for her to give birth.

This is equal parts sad and wild -- a dog trainer in New Zealand has been disqualified from racing ... after one of her winning greyhounds tested positive for METH.

It's crazy ... but unfortunately, it's true.

Here's what happened ... trainer Angela Helen Turnwald and her dog, Zipping Sarah, secured first place at the Addington Raceway in Christchurch last November ... earning a $4,000 prize, according to the New Zealand Herald.

But, the money never made it to Turnwald's pockets ... after her winning doggo's post-race urine test was flagged for amphetamine and methamphetamine.

The Judicial Control Authority for Racing investigated ... and while it was unable to determine "a deliberate wrongdoing," an example had to be made for the rest of the sport ... and Turnwald was hit with a 4-month ban from competition.

JCA chairman Warwick Gendall QC spoke about the probe ... saying, "Methamphetamine is a potent central nervous system stimulant which poses significant animal welfare issues and the level of Amphetamine (as it metabolized from Methamphetamine) in the sample was particularly large."

Gendall added Turnwald -- who previously had a spotless record -- had several people vouch for her character ... but it was important to show there was a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to illegal performance-enhancing substances.

Turnwald's suspension starts April 30 ... and she will also have to pay $3,500 in fines.

Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian are keeping their public love fest going strong -- letting us all know that there seems to be some biting at play in their relationship 😁.

The rocker appears to have just given some insight into how he and Kourt get down ... which KK herself seems to have confirmed. He posted some ADORABLE photos of him and his French bulldog, Louis, frolicking in the grass -- making some for very nice shots.

His caption was telling ... "Dogs never bite me. Just humans." Oooh, okay Trav -- we see you there with the not-so-subtle double entendre! And, if that wasn't obvious enough ... Kourtney chimed in for good measure.

She responded with a vampire emoji, seemingly backing up his account that ... she's a biter.

KK and TB certainly have NOT shied away from showing each other affection out in the open like this, be it physically or, as we're seeing now, with descriptive words as well. Not that there's anything with that, of course ... although, it does come as TMI more often than not.

You'll recall ... the couple was showing major PDA down in the OC last week, where they were all over each other like a pair of high school sweethearts in their teens. Of course, they're not in their teens -- both of them are in their 40s, hot as it was.

There was also the thumb-sucking video Travis posted as part of his birthday tribute post to Kourtney -- which also felt a little too intimate for our gawking eyes 👀.

Rob McElhenney's tale of rescuing a dog and reuniting him with his loving family will help you through ruff times ... especially when you see the pup's tail.

The "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" star says he and his wife -- and 'Sunny' costar -- Kaitlin Olson, stopped traffic on an L.A. freeway when they saw the "handsome motherf**ker" running alone.

After they got the dog -- which looks like a Pit Bull mix -- in their car with the help of another good Samaritan named Bridget, Rob and Kaitlin took him to a vet ... where they learned he wasn't chipped, but he was assigned the name "Brad Pitt" because he's "so damn beautiful."

Rob chronicled Pitt's story on IG, and it gets so much better. He says they decided to rename the pup, Frank Reynolds because of his body type -- an 'Always Sunny' jab at Danny DeVito's character. Then they learned the dog's loving owners were desperately searching for him, and they also learned his real name ... Chance!

Rob says they spoke to the family on the phone and they were crying with joy, and soon after they brought Chance home for the happiest of endings.

As McElhenney puts it ... "Social media may be ripping apart the fabric of our society but ... Sometimes it's pretty great."

The end.

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE BUNNY!!!

A pair of San Francisco Giants fans hit up Oracle Park to watch their boys take on the Miami Marlins on Thursday ... and forget the peanuts and crackerjacks, they brought their cute ass therapy rabbit along to enjoy the fun!!

The 4 1/2-month-old bunny named Alex belongs to owners Kei Kato and her fiancé, Josh Row ... who bought the Flemish giant after Kato's brewery restaurant closed during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Alex helps with Kato's anxiety and stress ... and brings joy to the couple's life during the tough times.

The furry friend has been living it up since he joined the family -- from NASCAR races to tubing and kayaking ... and even helped hand out Easter eggs to kids!!

The fun continued when Kato and Row brought Alex to his first baseball game ... and it was a monumental moment -- it's believed he's the VERY FIRST bunny to attend a ballgame at Oracle Park, according to the team.

Alex -- who was wearing a Giants-colored bowtie -- quickly became a fan favorite ... and the Marlins even tried to convert him to their side with some free merch, while SF invited him back as their good luck charm.

Giants CEO Larry Baer also spoke about their new fan ... saying, "Love this therapy bunny," Baer said. "We could all use a therapy bunny right about now!"

So, what's next for the lovable trio?? They're hoping to hit up a Warriors game ... and Golden State has already welcomed Alex with open arms.

The former North Carolina cop captured on video hanging a K-9 by its leash will not face criminal charges for the horrifying incident that already cost him his job.

The Rowan County District Attorney’s Office just announced its decision not to bring charges against James Hampton, the former officer who came under fire last month when video surfaced showing him manhandling the hell out of Zuul, the police dog with which he was partnered.

The D.A. says a review of the incident didn't turn up enough evidence to warrant criminal charges, but they admit the optics for Hampton don't look great. In fact, the D.A. added that while the video might show a "bad act," and a controversial one that violates police procedures ... that doesn't mean they had sufficient evidence of a crime.

During its investigation, the D.A.'s Office interviewed Hampton's fellow officers, who said Zuul was disciplined incorrectly, but they didn’t believe Hampton acted with malice or bad intent -- despite the video evidence.

The D.A. also says Hampton's former supervisor said he loved his previous K-9s, and paid thousands out of his own pocket for veterinary bills.

Peloton's Tread+ treadmill is a killer machine ... literally, according to a new class-action lawsuit filed by a woman who claims the fitness equipment is utterly unsafe for anyone with kids ... or even pets.

In the suit, Shannon Albright says Peloton's $4,295 treadmill is marketed as a device that'll give you "Your hardest training session" on "Your softest road" thanks to a shock-absorbing belt that's built with 59 individual slats.

Shannon's issue is that, although Peloton does have warnings on the machine ... she feels they're not sufficient to alert customers to the true danger -- which is that the treadmill's design allegedly makes it "extremely susceptible" to children and pets getting trapped underneath the machine.

In docs, obtained by TMZ, Albright claims some customers have had "children approach the machine, out of eyesight of the parent, and those children [have] been trapped and injured by the Tread+ machine.”

The lawsuit mentions at least one child has died as a result of the Tread+ ... and at least several dozen more have been injured. Albright claims injuries range from bruising and abrasion to broken bones, permanent brain injury and death.

What's more ... Albright claims Peloton has essentially ignored the Consumer Product Safety Commission’s warning that directs consumers to "stop using the Peloton Tread+ if there are small children or pets at home." There's even a video apparently showing 2 kids playing on the Tread+ and one child getting trapped.

Albright claims Peloton has known or should have known about its defective machine ... so she's trying to form a class action and is suing for more than $5 million in damages.

Some poor excuse for a human performed a savage act on a foster dog ... stabbing and beating it purely out of vengeance, and now others are mobilizing to save the dog and find the scumbags who left it for dead.

Kari Whitman, the founder of the dog rescue org Ace of Hearts, tells TMZ ... a 9-year-old Dogo Argentino mix named Brodie had been under foster care in California City, about 2 hours northeast of L.A.

We're told late Tuesday night ... the foster mom, who had been living with her sister, got into an argument with her sister and at some point, Brodie was left in the yard of the home.

Sadly, when the foster mom returned she found Brodie with a stab wound down his spine, a broken leg and his hip was shattered in 4 places. Poor Brodie had previously been at a high-kill shelter before being rescued by Ace of Hearts ... and at this point, it's unclear who took out their anger on him.

However, the foster mom believes one of her sister's friends may have done it to get back at the foster mom for the argument.

Either way ... Brodie was taken to a local vet and later transferred to ACCESS Specialty Animal Hospitals in the San Fernando Valley. We're told he's currently fighting for his life there ... and sadly, may never walk again because he suffered major nerve damage.

Kari, whose org had been caring for Brodie before he went into the foster home, tells us anyone who wants to help Brodie can call ACCESS directly and donate.

Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari let their dangerous dog roam free when the cable guy came by for an install, and it allegedly took a bite out of his hand.

According to a lawsuit the cable guy, Nathan Beam, filed ... the exes are still the co-owners of 2 German Shepherds who were unrestrained at a Tennessee home in June 2020 when Nathan was there for the hookup.

Beam claims he completed the install and was ready to leave when one of the dogs -- he believes its name is Kona -- was in front of the driver's side door of his truck.

According to Beam ... as he bent over to pick up something off the ground, the dog bit him on his left thumb and fingernail and clamped down for several seconds.

He claims he did nothing to harass the dog, and afterward ... Cavallari's assistant came out, gave him a paper towel, and allegedly told him to leave immediately.

Beam's blaming Jay and Kristin for failing to keep reasonable control of their dogs while he was there, and also claims they knew the canines were dangerous ... based on old social media posts where she refers to the younger one, allegedly Kona, as a "#TrainedKiller."

He's suing for damages, claiming he suffered physical injuries and disfigurement along with mental anguish, and has lost wages because of the alleged dog bite.

A rep for Kristin had no comment. We reached out to Jay as well ... so far, no word back.

A cleaning woman is taking Chris Brown to court, because she claims one of his dogs got a hold of her sister's limbs ... which sounds like one bloody mess in a lawsuit she's filed.

The woman's name is Patricia Avila, and in docs, obtained by TMZ, she explains she and her sister had been hired by Chris to clean his Tarzana home twice a week for a rate of $600 a day.

She goes on to say they were aware Chris had dogs in the house, but insists they'd always been kept in a separate part of the property whenever they came over to do their work. That is, until one day she claims one of them made its way to the backyard.

This is where things got violent, according to Avila ... who's alleging a harrowing dog attack from Chris' Caucasian Shepherd Ovcharka. In the suit, she claims the dog -- a very large breed -- has a history of being violent and aggressive toward people.

Anyway, Avila claims that her sister went out to the backyard to empty a vacuum ... and before she knew it, the animal was on top of her sister and tearing her body to shreds, ripping 3 to 4 inches of skin off her arm ... and allegedly bit her face and leg as well.

Eventually, she says they were able to get the dog off her sister ... and Chris was apparently the one who called 9-1-1. Avila says she thought her sister was going to die from the blood loss.

Avila says her sister was transported to a hospital and treated for several days ... undergoing at least a couple surgeries. Since then, she alleges the ordeal caused her a lot of emotional distress -- including PTSD, severe anxiety, and panic attacks.

The four-legged friend of the U.S. Army Lieutenant who was repeatedly pepper-sprayed by a cop is feeling better after choking on pepper spray and struggling to breathe.

Lt. Caron Nazario's attorney, Jonathan Arthur, tells TMZ ... Nazario's pooch, Smoke, is OK after the scary incident, despite feeling the effects of the toxic chemical.

As you know, Nazario was pulled over in Virginia, pepper-sprayed and attacked ... all over the fact he didn't have a rear license plate. Smoke was in the backseat of the SUV during the incident, and one of the cops fired pepper spray at the Lt. four separate times.

The Lt. told the cops the dog was in distress, but they did not come to his aid.

The dog, who was in a kennel in the back of the SUV, eventually shook off the toxins. He did not need to see a vet.

Jack Hanna -- the famed and beloved animal expert -- is battling with Alzheimer's disease ... and his family says it's progressed "much faster in the last few months."

Jack's three daughters -- Kathaleen, Suzanne and Julie -- made the sad announcement Wednesday and said he's "no longer able to participate in the public life as he used to" ... largely in part to the fact the disease progressed faster than anyone could have anticipated.

The girls added, "Even though Dad is no longer able to travel and work in the same way, we know that this infectious enthusiasm has touched many hearts and will continue to be his legacy."

Jack, of course, dedicated his life to the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium since he first arrived in 1978 to serve as the director ... until retirement from that role in 1992. He'd go on to become a spokesperson for the zoo and even embarked on a tour -- from late-night shows and beyond -- with some of the most exotic animals.