Paparazzi Video

Kanye West will NOT be prosecuted for battery on a photog, because he just struck a deal to make the case go away ... but not without a bunch of anger management therapy sessions.

West pled no contest to misdemeanor battery -- the City Attorney did not make him plead guilty, so there's no admission of guilt.

In return for the no contest plea, the attempted grand theft charge has been dismissed.

Kanye was placed on 24 months informal probation -- meaning he just has to keep his nose clean. At the end of the 24 months, assuming he hasn't violated probation, the conviction will almost certainly be erased from his record.

West also agreed to 24 private therapy session for anger management.

Kanye also agreed to complete 250 hours of community service, and agreed to stay clear of the photog in question.

Kanye has to pay for the damage to the photog's equipment and any medical bills he incurred.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard threw an engagement party Friday night at an awesome, out-of-the-way venue ... that had Medieval touches.

It was miles away from Beverly Hills or Hollywood. The party was thrown at the Carondelt House near downtown L.A.

Lots of stars showed up, including Johnny's director Jerry Bruckheimer, Marilyn Manson, Rick Ruben and Ryan Adams.

Steven Tyler says neither Johnny nor Amber stole the show -- that honor went to Johnny's mom.

There was a ton of food, including lots of vegan selections, to accommodate Amber.

Rihanna and Drake are doing it! And by doing it we mean this is the first video of them holding hands.

Drake had performed earlier Tuesday night and had an after-party at Club Entourage in Manchester England, when a photog got the first real romantic shot of the duo.

They went to a bowling alley after and stayed til 4 AM. We're told they rented out the entire joint.

Unlike the rest of the universe, Joan Rivers isn't all that curious about seeing how big Johnny Carson's penis really is in that sex tape -- because she says ... she's already seen it up close and personal.

Joan -- who guest hosted on Carson's "Tonight Show" for years -- said she and Carson had a "one night bounce" back in the day ... and he was hung like a horse.

Alec Baldwin can fire the hell out of a football ... and there's a good reason why -- he once got QB advice from Joe Montana.

Baldwin was hangin' out in NYC today when someone broke out a football -- and Alec proved he's got a cannon for a right arm.

The footage is pretty impressive -- Alec hits his receiver in stride, runs a play-action pass with a moving car ... and then dishes out QB advice to one of the guys on the street.

But the most interesting part ... Alec tells a story about when he met Joe Montana and the 49ers legend explained that he never lifted weights during his playing days because he didn't want the muscles to screw with his throwing motion.

At one point Alec says, "I don't think he would bulls**t me."

A random guy wielding a giant deck umbrella ... in a standoff with 2 Santa Monica police officers ... armed with tasers -- who do you think comes out on top?

Yeah ... tasers are pretty much undefeated.

It appears the cops tried to talk it out with him, but when he kept swinging the umbrella like a weapon ... the taser came out and dude went down like a sack of wet cement.

Police say the man had just been kicked out of Starbucks for annoying customers -- and when they arrived he was making suicidal threats.

Our newsroom's divided -- did the cops use excessive force ... or merely take him down safely?

Robin Thicke is either sending mixed messages to estranged wife Paula Patton or he's thrown in the towel on the marriage, because he was out clubbing late Monday night.

Robin was at DBA in Hollywood ... a Hollywood cabaret dance club and interactive gallery space -- don't ask, because we don't get it either. He was celebrating his 37th birthday party with Leonardo DiCaprio.

Thicke left alone, at around 1 AM, accompanied by a driver and bodyguard.

Now here's the thing ... The club is known for its waitresses who walk around showing about as much boob as is legally allowed.

Dave Chappelle, NBA star Glen Davis, and Lil Twist were also there.

Here's who wasn't there -- Paula Patton. It's interesting. Over the weekend, Robin was on stage dedicating love songs to her.

We're told Paula's been keeping tabs on her hubby. Who knows ... maybe it's just how they roll.

This is starting to become embarrassing ... Robin Thicke is still going on and on about the importance of forgiveness in a relationship -- all in an attempt to make amends with his ex Paula Patton.

Thicke performed to a packed house Friday night in Madison Square Garden ... and started preaching to the crowd about forgiving your family members ... no matter what the cause.

Thicke says, "We gotta learn to forgive each other, learn to love each other ... no matter who it is in your family or relationship ... 'cause you're always gonna need your friends and family."

Talk about worst timing ever -- Aaron Paul's badass vintage ride OVERHEATED Thursday night outside the Hollywood premiere for "Need for Speed" ... a movie that's supposed to be about gearhead street racers ... you know, car experts.

The video is pretty fantastic -- Aaron handles the whole situation like a boss, laughing his ass off as steam billows out of his engine just feet away from the red carpet. His wife on the other hand ... she doesn't take it so well.

Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne spiced things up last night ... making a hot man sandwich by twerking and grinding all over a dude in London.

M-Rod and Cara hit up Chinawhite nightclub after Beyonce's concert, and took over the dance floor with two of Bey's male dancers -- but the highlight was a menage a trois.

Because sometimes life is awesome ... the ladies ended up straddling one of the guys, and let's just say ... his legs are now very familiar with their crotches.

Rihanna was in a real hurry to dinner Friday night in Paris -- not only did she get a police escort to the restaurant ... her car nearly ran over a crowd of pedestrians in the process.

You can see it all in the video -- Rihanna's police escort breezes through a crosswalk ... and several pedestrians try to cross the street behind it ... but Rihanna's car cuts them off. It's a really close call.

Thankfully, Rihanna made it to dinner in one piece. (FYI, the restaurant's called Farnesina.)

Now shut up and drive.

One thing is undeniable ... Audrina Patridge is pretty ... out of tune when it comes to singing -- but that didn't stop her from rocking a legendary stage in Las Vegas this weekend.

The former "Hills" star went to Rock n' Roll Fantasy Camp at the House of Blues in Vegas and got to perform an original song with actual rockstar, Lita Ford.

It's unclear how many days Audrina spent at the camp -- but she obviously spent more time on her rocker chick moves (decent) than anything else.

Hey, at least she's living her dreams. Off key, but still ...

For the record, AP ... here's how it's done. Classic Lita.

"12 Years a Slave" star Lupita Nyong'o says she repeatedly prayed to God asking for lighter skin during her adolescence ... because she thought having dark black skin was a curse.

Nyong'o was honored with an award on Thursday at a luncheon for Essence ... and said she was teased growing up for her "night-shaded skin" ... so she prayed God would change it.

Lupita says she was so ashamed she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror ... adding, "Every day I experienced the same disappointment of being just as dark as I had been the day before."

The actress says supermodel Alek Wek -- one of the first dark skinned supermodels -- helped boost her confidence ... because people like Oprah praised her as a beautiful woman.

Nyong'o says she ultimately learned that beauty comes in all shades ... and hopes to be an inspiration to other young girls with similar concerns.

This is model Deimante Guobyte -- she's from Lithuania ... she sometimes models lingerie ... and for some reason, she was playing football on the beach this week.

Robin Thicke got back to performing tonight and wasted no time using the stage to beg for Paula Patton's mercy ... opening up to the crowd about the break-up and dedicating a song to her.

Thicke wore his wedding ring through the show in Fairfax, VA and told the crowd -- "For y'all that don't know me and my wife separated, but I'm trying to get my girl back. She's a good woman."

He also told fans he'd written the song "Lost Without U" for Paula ... before launching into the hit -- which we gotta say is kinda the perfect song for a guy trying to get back on a chick's good side.

NEVER APPROACH KANYE WEST WITH A PEN -- especially if he's wearing a fancy sweater -- because after Yeezy's reaction in Paris this evening, you might as well be waving a knife in his face.

Kanye was leaving dinner moments ago when an autograph seeker asked the rapper for some love -- holding out a pen ... and a sneaker to sign.

The pen came within inches of Kanye's pristine white sweater -- and Yeezy nearly lost it.