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Here's Tom Brady casually paddling away in a kayak over the weekend ... and GIVING ALL OF BOSTON A FRIGGIN' HEART ATTACK!!!

Before you accuse us of sensationalizing the situation, consider this fact -- back in 2009, Brady had to be RESCUED from the Charles River after falling out of his Kayak while goofing around with some friends.

After the rescue, Brady thanked the woman who fished him out of the water ... telling her, "You saved my life."

Despite the risks -- and with NFL opening day less than 2 weeks away -- Brady got back into the Charles River with his wife Gisele and son Ben on Saturday.

Fortunately, everyone emerged from the water healthy and happy.

Meanwhile, it's the Jets who seem to be drowning these days ...

Simon Cowell, Lauren Silverman and their unborn spawn are making it official ... stepping out together for the first time IN PUBLIC since news of their relationship broke.

The pic was snapped in the South of France Saturday -- where the two are vacationing together amidst other rich people ... looking carefree and happy.

Dear Mexican drug cartels,

Here is Kate Beckinsale ... in a bikini ... in Mexico.

Please don't behead her.

Wanna wade in the same lazy river where Celine Dion (and her kids) probably peed ... well, if you have $72 MILLION ... fire up your bladder, 'cause her famous water park mansion is up for grabs.

You know the house ... it's the one in Jupiter Island, Florida with two awesome water slides, a bridge over a lazy river and badass watergun stations. It's pretty incredible.

Now for some stats -- 5.7 acres, 10,000 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 baths (an additional 8 bedrooms in the guest house) -- plus, a master closet that any woman (and most men) would KILL for!!!

We're talkin' automated racks for clothing AND an automated carousel for all of your stupidly expensive shoes.

Plus, if you get sick of the water park (why would you get sick of the water park?) the home is right on the beach ... so you can frolic right to the ocean ... and pee in that, too.

Good news, single heterosexual men and/or lesbians: Eva Longoria (the sexiest 38-year-old woman on Earth) is now officially single.

Sources tell TMZ, the former "Desperate Housewives" star split from boyfriend Ernesto Arguello this week after dating for roughly 4 months.

The two met while Longoria was producing her dating show "Ready for Love." Ernesto was a bachelor on the program, but after the show went off the air, Eva decided to take Ernesto for herself.

Eva and Ernesto were spotted canoodling in Spain as recently as two weeks ago (above), but once they got back to L.A., we're told they decided their busy lifestyles just didn't mesh.

Eva spends most of her time in L.A., and Ernesto is situated primarily in Miami, so they decided it would be better to split. But some sources aren't convinced it's completely over -- as one source put it, "They're just on hold right now."

Translation: if you want to scoop Eva up, you better act fast.

Less than a week after celebrating her 55th birthday ... Madonna ventured out in Rome Wednesday wearing a shiny gold grill piece.

2005 called ...

Lindsay Lohan is fiercely defending her decision to hang with a friend who has an even more checkered past with drugs than her, and actually thinks it's a positive step for her recovery -- problem is ... she's delusional.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ ... she doesn't understand why her shopping trip with Vikram Chatwal would raise concerns she's hanging with a bad crowd, and putting herself in danger of a relapse.

As we previously reported ... Chatwal was busted for drug possession in April, but avoided jail by agreeing to 12 months of in-patient rehab.

We're told Lindsay thinks Vikram is good company because, like her, he's been through several rehab stints ... and is currently in recovery.

Here's the flaw in that argument ... multiple drug counselors -- from reputable clinics -- tell us Lindsay's playing with fire by hanging with old friends connected to her partying ways.

Most counselors told us ... it's "not recommended" for recovering addicts to hang with another addict -- especially if it's been a short stretch since they got out of rehab.

Lindsay's been out for 22 days, and while it's unclear when Vikram was last in treatment ...his drug bust was just 4 months ago. Not to mention, neither volunteered for rehab, but had to be forced by a judge.

It's a brawl of the Brazilian models!

Ana Beatriz Barros (31) strolled on the beach in Greece with a sexy striped bikini and wild sunglasses yesterday (left) -- while Alessandra Ambrosio (32) wore an even stripier bikini and even wilder sunglasses along side her (right).

Here's a question: if Lindsay Lohan really did cut all her toxic friends out of her life ... why was she spotted hanging out with a rehabbing hotel magnate who was busted for heroin in April?

Lindsay and pal Vikram Chatwal were photographed out in NYC Tuesday, reportedly shopping together ... you know, buddy stuff.

But here's the thing: Lindsay told friends she had permanently excised all the bad influences in her life in order to focus on sobriety and kick her substance abuse issues once and for all ... so it's a little surprising to see her hanging out with this guy.

FYI, Chatwal was busted in April after cops say he tried to get on a plane with cocaine, weed, heroin and various prescription pills. He struck a plea deal that let him avoid jail if he completed 12 months of in-patient rehab.

According to media reports, Chatwal's been to rehab AT LEAST 4 times since 2009.

We're not telling Lindsay who to be friends with ... we're just asking the question.

Normally, we wouldn't feel so guilty checking out Gwen Stefani's incredible ass during a bikini-clad boat outing in France ... but her kid was there.

So, we put a black bar over his face.

And now we feel less guilty.

Enjoy!

Mel Gibson is only hitting one thing these days ... the gym ... just check out the diesel arms he unveiled in L.A. on Friday.

Makes sense. 57-year-old Gibson is set to play the villain in next year's action flick "Expendables 3" alongside equally yoked middle-aged actors Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Statham, and Dolph Lundgren ... so bulking up is kind of expected.

8:02 AM PT: Law enforcement tells TMZ ... the reason cops searched the bags is because they received an anonymous tip someone in Justin's party had drugs in their luggage. Justin's bags, along with the bags of his entourage, were searched. Cops found nothing.

Justin Bieber's reputation apparently precedes him ... a drug-sniffing dog rooted through his posse's luggage at the Ft. Lauderdale International Airport.

Justin was busy posing with fans as the police pooch did his thing. As far as we can see, the dog turned up nothing and everyone made their flight ... eventually.

The Biebs was in Miami over the weekend, partying with Lil Jay Z and Lil Kevin Hart.

"Homeland" star Damian Lewis hit the beach with his family in Ibiza, Spain this week ... which inspired a couple of bad terrorist-themed jokes at the office. Here's what we came up with ...

-- Abu Nazir would be proud ... 'cause that body's tha bomb, yo!
-- Waterboard? More like water excited!
-- The Shore on Terror
-- HomeSand
-- Al-Tide-a
-- Homeland Sea-curitry
-- Seahaad
-- Code: Pale anyone?
-- Sui-tide Bomber
-- U.S. Marina Corps

We could go on, but they're only gonna get worse ...

Sure, Leo DiCaprio might look goofy on the tennis court ... but he doesn't care. Know why?

'Cause his tennis partner is Toni Garrn ... who happens to be a smokin' hot Victoria Secret model ... who Leo probably had sex with after the tennis match on Mallorca.

Advantage: Leo.

Always.