Cop Lets Michael Jordan Off the Hook...

... 'cause he shoulda been arrested for those jeans!!!

His Royal Airness hit Mr. Chow in Miami Beach yesterday, where the legendary lady-killer charmed one of Miami's finest on his way out of dinner.

Jordan had previously identified himself as Tiger Woods' mentor. Wonder what kind of advice he has for the golfer now?

If anyone would know what to say ...

Name That Two-Piece!

Can you guess which gorgeous bikini-clad actress sizzled her flesh in the Miami sun on Thursday?

Sly Stallone's Art Wynns Big Money

There is actually something Sylvester Stallone can make these days besides tired sequels ... expensive art.

The 63-year-old muscle head unleashed his inner Picasso and sold one of his paintings to Vegas casino kingpin Steve Wynn in Miami on Wednesday.

Wynn splurged $40K on an abstract piece, while a self-portrait of Sly from the '70s was bought by an art gallery for $50K.

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15-Year-Old Hilton -- $200,000 Training Wheels

Paris Hilton's 15-year-old little brother only has a learner's permit -- but he's already the king of the road ... ballin' around town in a $200,000 Bentley.

With his father Rick in the passenger seat, Conrad Hughes Hilton (named after his hotel-founding great-grandfather), kept his eyes on the road as he left Wolfgang's Steakhouse in Beverly Hills last night.

But here's the million dollar question -- even if you were super-loaded, would you let a 15-year-old drive your Bentley?!!?!

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Aretha Franklin Doesn't Give a Chuck

It's hard to look at this photo of Aretha Franklin without immediately noticing her ... sneakers.

The Queen of Soul showed up to the Rockefeller Center tree lighting ceremony with her Converse Chuck Taylors on last night.

Hopefully they give her the support she needs.

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Jackman's Kid Double Crosses Him

Hugh Jackman has finally found someone who can upstage him.

Jackman's adorable daughter crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue while on his shoulders in NYC on Tuesday.

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Mr. Big -- 'Sex' on the Beach

Looking fit and lean, "Sex and the City" hunk Chris Noth soaked his 55-year-old muscles on Miami Beach on Monday.

As Carrie Bradshaw would say, "me likey."

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50 Cent Enjoys the Spread in German Brothel

50 Cent hit up a real, working brothel in Germany last night, but he wasn't there to play -- dude was there to work!

Fiddy put on a concert inside the nightclub section of the famous Pascha brothel in Cologne -- the largest working brothel in Europe.

Fortunately, 50 also took some time to enjoy the sights.

Tiger Woods -- Bloodless Clues

Tiger Woods did not bleed in the vehicle he crashed Friday morning -- not a single drop -- according to law enforcement sources.

Cops from the Windermere PD, who first responded on scene, observed Tiger's lower lip split open and we're told he had other marks as well. But TMZ sources say there was absolutely no blood in the SUV.

What's more -- we've learned Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren, told Windermere cops she smashed the back passenger window with the golf club, then unlocked the driver's door and dragged Tiger out. Yet there were no traces of blood.

This has created even more suspicion with law enforcement ... that Tiger's wounds may have not been the result of SUV meets fire hydrant.

We're told the Florida Highway Patrol has been frustrated by attempts to secure video of the accident. Even though we know there were surveillance cameras on Tiger's property, his lawyer isn't making video available. The people who manage the gated community have said they have no video of the crash.

As we first reported, the FHP sent troopers to the hospital where Tiger was treated yesterday in an attempt to secure medical records, which could unlock the mystery of how Tiger was injured. We're told, so far no luck. Although an FHP spokesperson has said the department has not asked for a search warrant to obtain medical records, we know they are pursuing that route.

As for what charges could be filed -- there are two possibilities on the table. The main focus now is Tiger's injuries. If the injuries have the markers of a domestic dispute, we're told Tiger's wife would almost certainly be arrested.

As for Tiger, troopers are looking at whether he was driving under the influence. As we have already reported, the paramedics on the scene saw that Tiger was unresponsive and asked Elin if he was taking any meds. She went inside, retrieved two prescription bottles and gave them to paramedics. Elin said she did not know when Tiger had last taken the meds. We already reported Tiger had told a friend he was taking prescription pain meds.

But in Florida, it's almost impossible to charge someone with DUI unless someone actually sees the suspect behind the wheel, driving the vehicle. No one has come forward saying they saw Tiger driving.

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Gloria's Tiger Summit

Gloria Allred and Rachel Uchitel had a long meeting yesterday about the story that surfaced in the National Enquirer -- linking Rachel to Tiger Woods.

We know Rachel is all fired up, claiming the two women who made the claim lied outright.

We're guessing we'll hear from Gloria today.

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Brangelina -- U Can't Touch This

They've been around the world ... from London to The Bay ... but last night, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had a date night at La Dolce Vita restaurant in Beverly Hills.

The couple went home early, but Angie's pants were definitely too legit to quit.

Stop. Hammer time.

Hugh Laurie Took a Shot to the Face

"House" star Hugh Laurie is a marked man -- thanks to someone else's fists of fury.

While at the Ivy in London the other day, the 50-year-old actor showed off the nasty shiner he got while boxing.

If only he was a doctor and didn't just play one on TV ...

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Britney's BF Has Issues

While at a newsstand in Brentwood this weekend, Britney Spears' special man friend Jason Trawick caught up on the latest developments ... on his relationship with Britney.

Dating Brit is his cover.

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Tiger Woods -- Let's Go to the Videotape

There's something the Florida Highway Patrol wants even more than catching a glimpse of Tiger Woods' wounds -- the video from the surveillance cameras at the family home.

TMZ has learned the home of Tiger and wife Elin Nordegren is fully loaded with security cameras and we're told at least one of the cameras show Tiger's exit from the house. We know the FHP wants the video.

As we first reported, the FHP wants a search warrant for Tiger's medical records. They also want the video. The question, even if the FHP gets a warrant for the video: What, if any, footage exists at this point?

Then again, it's possible Tiger would willingly fork over the video. Or maybe not.

Beach Body War Couples Edition

The islands got a little hotter this weekend -- as two celebrity couples exposed a little skin on the beach.

While Newt Gingrich and his wife Callista exposed some serious leg in Hawaii, Serena Williams and her man Common revealed a tad bit more in Barbados.

The million dollar question...

Pamela Bach -- At the Hospital ... to See Hoff?

David Hasselhoff's ex-wife Pamela Bach was spotted leaving a local hospital yesterday with the two daughters she shares with The Hoff -- even though they all claimed he wasn't there.

While the LA County Fire Department confirms someone was transported from David's home on Friday, they won't confirm who. David's daughter Hayley (not pictured) told paps at the scene, "He's not here ... He's completely fine."

We're still waiting to hear back from Hoff's people.

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