Humor

If Sen. Ted Cruz swung by his crib at any point Sunday, he would've seen the brigade of standing musicians in sombreros ... reminding him what he was missing in Mexico.

Somebody hired a mariachi band to swing by Ted's Houston home yesterday, where the fellas were cranking out Mexican tunes from the sidewalk, quite loudly -- with a crowd of neighbors and spectators forming around them and enjoying the vibes.

Unclear if Ted was around to take in the show himself -- we know he'd been out and about, helping distribute supplies to Texans devastated by the winter storm ... albeit, several days after first going to Cancun with his family.

As we reported, Cruz did a quick U-turn after touching down last week -- and, at first, tried blaming the whole thing on the will of his daughters, and his desire to be a good dad. He eventually just copped to it ... calling the whole thing a mistake in hindsight.

"Saturday Night Live's" Michael Che is getting dragged for what some are calling an anti-Semitic joke.

Che was at the anchor desk for "Weekend Update" Saturday night, when he quipped that half the folks in Israel have already gotten the COVID vaccine, adding, "I'm going to guess it's the Jewish half."

True enough ... Israel's faced criticism for not yet inoculating around 100,000 Palestinians who work in Israel. That said, Che did not say the Israeli half was vaccinated ... he said the Jewish half. By saying that, he made it about religion, not the government.

Fact is ... Israel is inoculating Jews, Arabs and Christians. They were slow on the uptake with Palestinians, but they're correcting that.

Twitter went crazy after Che dropped the joke, calling him out, but he has yet to address it.

The folks at "Saturday Night Live" clearly had a hard time figuring out what to lead with, so they decided to lead with everybody!!!

The opening skit was pretty hilarious ... talk show host "Britney Spears" interviews "Ted Cruz," "Gov. Andrew Cuomo" and "Gina Carano" ... all of whom were brought on the show to apologize for their misdeeds.

"Ted" is back from his cut-short vacay, clutching a fruity drink in one hand and his rollaway suitcase in the other.

What's really funny ... how "Cuomo" and "Carano" -- who have their own issues -- want nothing to do with Cruz.

The dancing interludes in between guests are pretty hilarious, as are the subtle signs Britney flashes regarding her own circumstances.

Metallica tried rocking out in front of millions of viewers watching their virtual concert -- but the platform hosting their set got cold feet ... and muzzled them to cover their own ass.

This is pretty hilarious (and educational) ... James Hetfield and co. were performing earlier Friday for BlizzCon -- a gaming convention put on by Blizzard Entertainment ... which often uses Twitch to host its festivities. Metallica was booked for a pandemic-friendly gig.

When it was their time to shred ... it appears the admin team at Twitch played it safe, and muted their set for a bunch of people who were streaming it from their website. Instead of 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' ... a lot of people heard some cheesy, generic 8-bit folk music ... which had the exact opposite vibe Metallica was trying to communicate -- low key and chill.

Based on different users who were monitoring the set live, it appears the concert was heard just fine as is through Blizzard's official YouTube and Twitch page, but on Twitch's homepage ... you only heard Zelda-esque tunes. Twitch reportedly dubbed over Metallica's entire performance ... and what's being speculated is they did it over copyright concerns.

In case you hadn't heard, A LOT of Twitch gamers and streamers have been getting hit with DMCA takedown requests ... because they were playing parts of songs they didn't own the rights to, or the whole thing. It's been a big Twitch issue throughout 2020.

The irony is ... Metallica was instrumental in forming the current DMCA laws in this country ... due to lawsuits they spearheaded against Napster and other file-sharing services from the early 2000s. It was a big thing back then.

Get nervous, Shooter McGavin ... HAPPY GILMORE'S STILL GOT IT!!!

On the 25th anniversary of "Happy Gilmore" -- arguably the greatest golf movie EVER -- Adam Sandler hit the links to recreate his old protagonist's iconic swing -- and it was epic!!

Adam dusted off his clubs ... explained this was the first time he's taken the old 3-step approach to hit a tee shot in a quarter of a century -- and then he launched a golf ball into outer space!!!

The best part? ADAM TALKED SMACK TO SHOOTER WHILE DOING IT!!!

"Shooter McGavin, this is for you," Adam said, before piping the shot. "I'm not lying to you. That is smashed. Smashed. That went pretty well. You're dead, Shooter!"

Of course, back on Feb. 16, 1996 ... Happy came back from down 4 strokes to beat Shooter to win the gold jacket -- and the movie has been legendary in the sports world ever since.

In fact, if you go to a local Top Golf to hit shots, the rules there even state there's no Happy Gilmore swings allowed!!

"Happy loves you all!" Adam captioned his video on Tuesday. "Thanks for everything!"

Now if we could just find a way to get Bob Barker back on the course with Sandler ... we'd really bring back memories!!

Congressman Tom Emmer's the latest grown man to get burned by the novelty settings on Zoom, but just like the kitten lawyer before him ... he tried to power through it.

When the Minnesota Representative called in for a House Financial Services Committee hearing, he appeared upside-down. That didn't stop Tom from plowing ahead about COVID and the economy, but Chairwoman Maxine Waters cut him off and asked ... "Are you okay?"

That's when someone else hilariously exclaimed, "You're upside-down, Tom," which revealed Congressman Emmer knew that he was ... but didn't know how to fix it.

It's the second time this week a Zoom mishap's gone viral, and of course, the other participants at the House hearing let Tom know about it ... referencing the recent virtual court proceeding in which a Texas lawyer appeared as a cat.

Much like Tom, the lawyer was willing to ignore the elephant kitten in the room and proceed with the hearing ... saying, "I'm here live; I'm not a cat."

The Big Game is done, but Rob Gronkowski ain't finished spiking footballs yet -- he just took a swipe at the Chiefs with a Super Bowl streaker joke ... and it's SAVAGE!!!

The Buccaneers tight end -- who scored 2 TDs in the blowout win over the Chiefs on Sunday -- joined James Corden on 'The Late Late Show' this week to break down the championship.

They talked burritos, TDs, celebrations and more ... but when it came time to discuss the infamous Super Bowl streaker -- that's when the shade came out!!

Gronk said the thonged-out runner entertained the hell out of Tampa Bay's sideline ... and then he dropped this ...

"He actually scored," Gronk said of the streaker who slid into the endzone. "The Chiefs didn't. He scored. They should definitely sign him!"

BUUUURNNNNNNN!!! (only the streaker technically began his slide on the 1-yard line, before he crossed the end zone, so he didn't actually get to pay dirt. Sorry).

Of course, the Chiefs were terrible on offense in the game ... they didn't sniff the endzone all night either  -- so Gronk does have a point.

Tampa Bay Bucs head coach Bruce Arians says COVID disrupted things so badly during the 2020 season ... his own wife didn't meet his QB until Super Bowl Sunday!

"You know what's amazing? My wife met Tom Brady for the first time on stage when we were handed the Lombardi trophy," Arians said on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

"And that's the way our whole team and coaching staff was this year," he added.

Arians says the team usually holds a Family Day on Saturday for players and staff to bring their kids, parents, siblings, etc. to hang out together ... but the pandemic put a stop to that.

"We really really missed that this year," Arians explained.

The good news ... seems Bruce's wife and Tom Brady got along when they finally did get to meet. She even commented to Bruce about TB12's insanely good looks.

"She said he needs to keep the 5 O'clock shadow -- he's too pretty the other way!"

There's more ... Arians also talked about boozing at the after-party, getting hit with the Gatorade bath and why he's giving himself until Wednesday to sober up!

The worst performance of the Super Bowl goes to the moron who got in the field and tried to make a run for the end zone ... AND BLEW IT ON THE 1 YARD LINE!

The idiot -- wearing a 1-piece, pink thong women's bathing suit -- somehow got around stadium security and made his way onto the field in the 4th quarter as Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs desperately tried to mount a comeback against Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Bucs.

The CBS broadcast cut away from the field invader seconds into his run -- but fans in the stands caught the whole thing ... including the bitter end.

The fan started off strong -- making a few defender misses with some nifty spin moves ... before running into a wall of security toward the Chiefs endzone.

But, he couldn't complete the run -- instead, he slid, giving himself up ON THE 1.

In all seriousness, this dude is a moron -- and the fact he got close to players, refs, security and others while we're all still in a pandemic is stupid and irresponsible.

Cops ultimately corralled the guy and walked him off the field in handcuffs.

Plus, he was wearing shorts ... so he wasn't even a real streaker.

Basically, bro ... you're the worst. Enjoy the jail cell.

'SNL' has a new sketch about how sexy Zillow listings really are -- but now ... they're being accused of ripping off the joke from a comedian.

Ted Alexandro has been railing on the writers from "Saturday Night Live" all day Sunday, claiming their now-viral skit -- which was all the rage Saturday -- is actually his own material ... which he performed live at the Comedy Cellar in none other than New York City.

He writes, "Dear @SNL, since you stole my Zillow joke last night please Venmo me the sum of 1 million dollars. My full special Cut/Up is on youtube if you need more ideas." Ted added a mash-up of his original joke and the 'SNL' parody, which have familiar themes and beats.

The gist of the gag is that the older you get, the more certain aspects of adulthood start to appeal to you -- maybe even in a sexual sense. 'SNL' played up the whole "yeah sex is great" angle ... and turned Zillow browsing into a softcore fantasy porn ad of sorts.

Ted's original performance of the Zillow phenomenon ain't all that different -- but he makes it more about how he and his wife "sext" each other ... sending each other Zillow listings that are out of their price range to make one another hot and bothered. They're both funny ... but Ted's insisting he did it first, and seems to want either money and/or credit.

It's unclear when Ted first performed his Zillow joke, but it appeared in a compilation video he released with a bunch of his stand-up shows called "Ted Alexandro: CUT/UP" ... which got posted on YouTube in September. Looks like it might have surfaced well before that though.

Dan Levy’s mom got sweet revenge against the boys who bullied her son at summer camp ... with a little help from Lorne Michaels.

Deborah Devine celebrated her son's latest honor -- hosting 'SNL' -- with a pre-show tweet ... "This goes out to the bully punks at Camp WTF who made life miserable for a certain cabin-mate back in the summer of '96 -- just because he was different."

And then, Deb lowers the boom ... "Well, after all these years I have just 7 words to say to you: 'Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!'" BOOM!!!

Dan, who's gay both in real life and on his uber-award-winning show "Schitt's Creek," hosted 'SNL' for the first time.

He opened with this ... "I'm so honored to be hosting 'Saturday Night Live.' Somewhere my 13-year-old self has fainted in a really melodramatic way."

Dan's dad, Eugene, was actually the first Levy to appear on 'SNL' alongside John Candy way back in 1985.

John Travolta has been reborn to hand jive ... he's bringing back his famous dance from "Grease" in a fun new Super Bowl ad with his daughter ... and ya gotta see their moves!!!

The "Grease" star and his 20-year-old daughter, Ella, re-imagined an iconic scene from the '70s classic in an ad for ScottsMiracle-Gro ... and while John struggles with a selfie stick, the 66-year-old can still dance his face off.

John brings back the famous "Sha Na Na - Born to Hand Jive" choreography from "Grease" ... only this time he's swapping out OG dance partner Olivia Newton-John for Ella, and they totally nail the routine!

Yeah, lots has changed since John played a T-Bird, but his dance skills are a constant.

The bit is chock full of celebs ... Martha Stewart gives John props for his hand jive, while Carl Weathers, "The Office" star Leslie David Baker and NASCAR stud Kyle Busch also make some hilarious appearances.

It's a pretty expensive homage to "Grease" too ... 30-second ads running during Superbowl LV on CBS are going for at least $5.5 million.

The world's most famous groundhog just made its bold prediction for the rest of winter ... and it looks like we're in for a cold one, folks.

Punxsutawney Phil was awakened, once again, early Tuesday morning for Groundhog Day in Gobbler's Knob, PA and got put to work giving us a forecast for the rest of the season. Ol' Phil saw his shadow ... so, as they say, 6 more weeks of winter.

This year's celebration was a little more pared down compared to its usual gathering, which would include a way bigger crowd of in-person spectators.

Organizers of the annual event streamed it virtually for folks at home, but there was Phil's regular group of "Inner Circle" top hat buddies who attended -- most of whom were masked up ... carrying on tradition.

Now, the fact the woodchuck is expecting more cold days ahead isn't all that surprising ... the furry little bastards have predicted that 106 times over the course of a 135-year run that they've been looking to Phil for a weather report.

This year actually proves to be meaningful, especially up there in the Northeast -- where winter storm Orlena has covered several states in several feet of snow.

So yeah, Groundhog Day 2021 is pretty much spot-on.

Some small investors who have been blocked from making money on the Robinhood platform apparently still have enough money to hire a pilot to send a message -- "Suck My Nuts Robinhood."

The banner flew in the skies above San Francisco ... where the Robinhood headquarters are located.

The message, which is dripping in anger, is an above-earth response to the company's decision to restrict the trading of 50 stocks, including GameStop, AMC and BlackBerry.

Residents of San Fran saw the banner Friday afternoon, much to the delight of many ... especially those who now can't play the same game people on Wall Street have been playing for decades. Remember the late '90s ... when tech stocks were skyrocketing WAY beyond their worth?

The free-trade app got hit with a class-action lawsuit ... one day after Robinhood barred retail investors from continuing to buy stock in companies on the verge of collapse. It became an epic battle between Redditers and hedge fund managers.

Torrey Pines looked more like the set of "Happy Gilmore" on Friday ... 'cause Brooks Koepka hit a tee shot that landed INSIDE a shoe -- and it had everyone wondering, should he have to play it as it lies?!?!?!

The wild scene all went down during the 2nd round of the Farmers Insurance Open, when Koepka smashed a drive down the right side of the fairway that crash-landed into the back of a golf cart.

As Koepka strolled down the North Course's 16th hole ... the 30-year-old quickly realized the ball actually came to rest IN a shoe that was sitting on the back of the vehicle!!!

EVERYONE was immediately reminded of the scene in "Happy Gilmore" ... where Shooter McGavin lost his mind after having to hit a ball "off Frankenstein's fat foot!"

But, fortunately for Koepka, golf's rules actually allowed him to take a penalty-free drop and continue on.

The issue, though? Koepka did NOT want to retrieve the ball from the camera guy's shoe ... saying straight-up, "I ain't sticking my hand in there. You can grab it out of your nasty-ass shoe."

Koepka eventually got everything squared away and he was able to save par.

The bad news ... Koepka's round is currently sucking -- and he's now in danger of missing the cut.

Brian Williams put his dry-wit on full display to troll House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy's meeting with Donald Trump -- and viewers never saw it coming.

The longtime anchor teed up the gag by earnestly telling his guests -- Baratunde Thurston and Bill Kristol -- that he'd obtained exclusive video of the highly criticized Thursday meeting between Rep. McCarthy and Trump at Mar-a-Lago.

What he ended up rolling, though ... was an iconic clip from the Oscar-nominated film, "Jerry Maguire."

The clip alone would've been funny, given the context, but Williams -- who clearly has late-night talk aspirations -- continued to sell the joke with his deadpan style ... claiming he thought it was going to be a vid of the meeting, and "someone’s gonna be, of course, in big trouble."

Trouble is a good word to describe how many anti-Trump folks feel about the Mar-a-Lago meeting between the former President and the House Minority Leader.

McCarthy's taking heat because 2 weeks ago he criticized Trump for inciting the Capitol riots, but now appears eager to work with him -- a sign Trump still has major power with the GOP.