Humor

Peyton Manning hasn't missed a beat in retirement -- not only does he have abs now, but the 44-year-old's arm is lookin' accurate as ever ... by knocking beer cans off statues with his buddy, David Letterman!!

It may seem pretty random, but here's what we know ... the 2-time Super Bowl champ hit up the late-night legend to shoot a segment for his "Peyton's Places" show with ESPN ... and DL agreed to do it at his alma mater, Ball State University.

So, what's there to do in Muncie, Indiana?? How about throwing perfect dart passes at beer cans on campus statues!!

Of course, Peyton's practically been showing off in recent weeks -- he even flaunted a 6-pack while beachin' it up in Miami!

Peyton kept up the momentum on Tuesday, by showing off his pin-point precision while knocking the can off a statue draped in a custom Letterman Colts jersey.

Ball State football released a statement on their visit, saying, "It was an exciting day for our football program,” athletic director Beth Goetz said. "The team was thrilled to engage with these two Indiana legends for 'Peyton’s Places.'"

"We are grateful for the opportunity to help showcase our campus, as it was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience for our student-athletes and coaches."

Hey ... Peyton's only 44. We sure he's retired for good??

It's rewarding to be funny as hell ... Russell Peters just unloaded his Hidden Hills crib for a boatload of money.

Russell's 8-bedroom, 9-bathroom crib in an exclusive guard-gated neighborhood in Hidden Hills just sold for $7.8 million. The 11,638-square-foot crib sits on 1.4 acres. Russell must be a huge car guy ... cause the property also features parking for 20+ vehicles!

The pics of the place are insane ... dual curved staircases in the grand entry, a 14-seat movie theater to screen his next standup special, plus a wet bar, billiard room, gym and sauna.

Basically, everything someone needs to throw ridiculous parties.

"SNL" mocked the dueling Presidential debates, and it was pretty funny.

Jim Carrey played Joe Biden, who showed his numerical age with some dad/granddad references to pop culture and a penchant for reminiscing WAAY back.

The cold open ping-ponged from Biden to Trump, who of course was hilariously played by Alec Baldwin.

Kate McKinnon, who played Trump moderator Savannah Guthrie, challenged Trump for tweeting about white supremacy and such. His response, "I didn't tweet it. It was a retweet, which is short for a really smart tweet."

And then McKinnon reprised Guthrie's line about Trump's tweets -- "You're not just someone's crazy uncle," to which Trump [Baldwin] responds, "Really? Because this conversation we're having right now is a preview of Thanksgiving dinner," Baldwin's Trump shot back. "So crazy uncles, stand back and stand by."

The super-prepared Texas voter who came equipped with her chair, her snacks and her "grown folks hair" to wait out a long poll line says her popular TikTok was actually an important PSA.

Belinda Varnado tells TMZ ... the purpose of her instantly viral clip was to make sure seniors, like herself, come prepared to make sure they don't miss out on their opportunity to vote.

She's seen all the news about ridiculously long lines for early voting -- where people have to wait for up to 15 hours -- and she knows all that standing doesn't work for folks up in age.

So, Belinda's encouraging her peers to pack the right gear, be prepared to hunker down ... but stay determined to cast their ballots.

She and her daughter, Chevelle Brooks, are also stressing the importance of voting early -- especially this year -- and Belinda's not shy about her ultimate goal either.

The woman who praised President Trump for his smile and called him handsome is ripe for parody on "Saturday Night Live," and Twitter's already decided who should play her -- Academy Award winner Allison Janney.

In case you missed it ... the Prez was fielding questions during his Town Hall Thursday night from voters who apparently are still undecided, when a woman named Paulette Dale stole the show by fangirling out.

Paulette -- a registered Republican who indicated she's leaning toward voting for Joe Biden -- decided to shoot her shot with Trump before asking her question ... by telling him he has a "great smile."

This prompted an awkward smile and a "thank you" from Trump before Paulette really went for it, telling him ... "You're so handsome when you smile."

Like we said ... perfect 'SNL' material.

The awkward exchange unsurprisingly spread all over social media, and many Twitter users quickly came to the conclusion that Janney would be the best choice to play her in the inevitable sketch this weekend.

It's unclear if the "Mom" star's willing to do it, but you'll recall ... Brad Pitt ended up playing Anthony Fauci after the good doc personally advocated for that casting.

If you're gonna vote -- and you should -- take a lesson from this American ... who's loaded up and ready for long lines, heat and anything else standing between her and the polls.

The voter showed off her version of an early voting survival kit in a video that caught the attention of Sen. Kamala Harris' niece. As the woman, who goes by @queenbv59 on TikTok, put it ... she's got her "grown folk's hair on," her "savage" clothes and it's time to vote.

Her hilarious, and patriotic, preparedness is going viral ... and it's easy to see why. She can wait 15 hours because she's got a chair. She could even stretch it to 24 hours because she's got snacks.

As she eloquently puts it -- "ain't s*** gonna stop me!!!"

Meena Harris, the VP hopeful's niece, shared the video on her Twitter account ... and it's already racked up 2.5 million views and counting.

Lots of folks are asking why the woman keeps saying "jush," and we've got your answer -- it's just another way of saying living your best life.

Sen. Kamala Harris isn't taking the fly bait from Rachel Maddow ... refusing to talk about the one that camped out on Mike Pence's head for 2 minutes.

The Democratic Vice Presidential nominee tried her darnedest to avoid answering with any substance when the MSNBC host asked her if she noticed the fly on the Veep during last week's debate. Harris succeeded ... if you don't count chuckles as substantial.

Check out the video ... Maddow said she'd be remiss if she didn't ask about it, and the candidate immediately tried to take the high road, but ultimately couldn't contain her laughter. She eventually coughed up an answer, albeit a pretty funny one.

Maddow said everyone at home was staring at Pence's little partner ... which is why she wanted to get Kamala's perspective from the stage.

Kristin Cavallari's still very single ... despite that recent video of her getting flirty and kissing a comedian.

Sources close to the situation tell TMZ ... there's nothing serious going on between Kristin and Jeff Dye, and in fact -- we're told they've only hung out that one time they were seen in Chicago looking like a new couple.

Our sources say Kristin's just having fun right now and doesn't have -- nor is she looking for -- a boyfriend.

As for how Kristin and Jeff connected ... we're told he slid into her DMs a couple weeks ago, and they happened to be in Chi-town last week at the same time, so they met up.

You've seen the result, but it was just a night of good fun. Our sources say Kristin was enjoying a weekend of freedom -- it was her estranged hubby Jay Cutler's time with their kids.

As we've reported ... Kristin announced back in April she and Jay are getting divorced. Since then, things have gotten a little nasty ... with Kristin accusing him of "punishing" her financially, and Jay calling her expenses "frivolous."

Kristin insists there's no scandal involved with their divorce, though ... she says it just didn't work out.

So will it work out with Jeff? Probably too soon to tell, but if you're reading tea leaves ... we're told they haven't seen each other since the kiss.

LeBron James is going to SERIOUSLY regret buying his daughter that big-ass playhouse ... so says Brandon Marshall, who claims the whole thing is "the worst investment ever!!!"

Don't get it twisted ... the ex-NFL star loves the sentiment behind the King's gift to his 5-year-old -- he just says he knows from personal experience the mini-mansion ain't worth it!!!

"I actually, in 2015, bought my twins a house similar to this," Marshall said on FS1's "First Things First" on Wednesday. "And, I'm embarrassed to say how much it cost me."

"And, then the upkeep on it was as much as it was taking care of my own house!"

Marshall says while the idea of it seemed cool ... he claims his kids never really used it once the shine wore off.

"I'm embarrassed to tell you guys this," Marshall said. "The kids only went in the house 5 times in 5 years! They've been in the house 5 times in 5 years!"

"The worst investment ever!"

So far, doesn't seem Bron's regretting the gift all that much ... he got to spend an afternoon on Zhuri's couch earlier this week -- and it was adorable as hell.

Plus, it ain't like Bron can't afford it ... dude made over $38 MILLION from just his Lakers checks alone this season!

Derrick Henry + Josh Norman + Massive Stiff Arm = HILARIOUS INTERNET MEMES?!?!

Yup, turns out the Titans and Bills players had the perfect equation for going viral Tuesday ... 'cause after Tennessee's star threw Norman to the ground with a violent stiff arm -- the Internet lost its mind!!!

The play was insane ... during the 2nd quarter of the Titans' beatdown of the Bills, Henry stretched a run to the outside and met the Buffalo corner in the alley.

And, when the running back threw Josh to the ground like a bag of potatoes ... everyone lost their damn minds!!

Some of our favorite responses???

HILARIOUS!!

By the way, the play ultimately didn't count ... penalties wiped out its gloriousness -- but Henry himself even had to poke some fun at it all after the game!

"I have been doing too many curls," Henry joked. "I have to lay off the arms."

Sorry, Josh.

Barack Obama is congratulating his pal, LeBron James -- saying the NBA superstar is a legend both on and off the court ... despite what Trump thinks.

"Proud of my friend @KingJames for his fourth title, fourth Finals MVP, and for not only living up to the hype after seventeen seasons, but surpassing it as an extraordinary leader both on the court and in the public arena fighting for education, social justice, and our democracy."

Obama and LeBron have been friends for years -- with Barack reportedly counseling LeBron on how to speak out against social injustice during the NBA restart.

And, with Donald Trump recently going after LeBron as "nasty" and a "hater" ... Obama made it clear he couldn't disagree with POTUS more.

LeBron also got some love Monday from Tom Brady -- because insanely accomplished old guys gotta stick together!

"Congrats to my brother @KingJames on winning his 4th championship," 43-year-old Brady said to the 35-year-old Lakers star ... "Not bad for a washed up old guy!"

But, the self-deprecation didn't stop there!

Check out the picture Brady posted along with the caption -- it's a meme of the Bucs QB holding up 4 fingers during his "what down?" blunder on "Thursday Night Football" last week -- but with LeBron's head on his body.

Haaaaaa.

It's nice to see TB12 can laugh about it now ... considering the mistake went on to cost Tampa Bay the game against the Chicago Bears.

Dr. Ian Malcolm is back to grace our screens with a partially-open shirt almost 30 years after he made 'Jurassic Park' nice and steamy ... and it's all a way of encouraging folks to vote.

We're talking, of course, about Jeff Goldblum's character from the OG Spielberg dinosaur flick, who at one point was laid out on a table after being injured by a T-Rex and striking quite the provocative pose ... with his bare chest half exposed and sweat dripping down his torso.

You've probably seen it a million times now as the iconic scene has gone on to become a meme since its 1993 debut -- now, JG has recreated it at the ripe old age of 67.

He says it's a gift to fans who followed his instructions and registered to vote through HeadCount for the upcoming election. Jeff writes, "WOW! Thank you to everyone who used my @HeadCount page to make sure that you’re #GoodToVote! Nearly 3,000 of you are ready for this November’s election. Here’s your reward…how time flies. @jurassicworld 🌋🦖🇺🇸."

Jeff still looks great by the way -- but we did notice he kept more of the shirt on this time around. All good though -- Dr. Malcolm will get another opportunity to shine in the supposed last 'Jurassic' installment in the franchise, 'Dominion,' which now won't come out 'til 2022.

Anyone hoping to be an extraordinary housefly for Halloween this year after tuning into the VP debate is s*** outta luck ... because the costume is sold out!!!

Sorry, seems lots of folks already decided to be the infamous housefly that landed on Mike Pence's head during the debate ... honchos at HalloweenCostumes.com tell us their "adult fly costume" is out of stock and their supplier is sold out too.

The Halloween costume retailer tells us they carried a normal amount of stock for this particular costume -- about 50 -- but they saw a huge demand right after the debate, causing the costume to fly off the shelf.

If you wanna settle for a housefly costume that's just headgear, you're gonna have to wait ... the site tells us their other fly costume is also sold out -- all 150 in stock were snatched up after the debate -- but they hope to get it back in stock by Friday.

Seems the only people who don't want to be a debate housefly are those too young to vote ... you can still find a fly costume for toddlers.

Move over, Yogi ... this bear's way smarter than average, 'cause it not only opened a pickup truck door ... but it got behind the wheel and locked the door!!!

This all went down in South Lake Tahoe where a father and daughter happened to be driving by when they spotted Bear-io Andretti casually hopping into the driver's side of a pickup truck in someone's driveway.

Check out the vid ... they're initially surprised to see the bear strolling, but their minds are blown when the bear walks up to the truck, opens the door, gets in and locks himself inside and apparently starts leaning on the horn.

They captioned the video, "When my dad and I drove up on a bear acting like a grown ass man." As for how they got that "man" out of the truck? Well, they knocked on the homeowner's door and alerted him to the bear-y unique situation.

Watch the vid to see how he handled it. We'll just say, no bears were harmed in this video, but the dad's heart rate definitely spiked.

Bears, man. They're taking over 2020.

Name the first thing a stripper takes off ...

That was a topic on an NFL players edition of "Family Feud" Thursday night ... and Marcus Peters' answer was so bad -- the Baltimore Ravens star was clowned like hell over it!!!

Here's how it went down ... Peters was facing off with Adrian Peterson when Steve Harvey asked the two, "What's the first thing a stripper takes off?"

Peters -- confident as hell -- buzzed in and blurted out, "Panties!"

PANTIES?!

The answer was immediately hit with a red X ... and when Harvey got over to Peterson's NFL legends team -- they laughed their asses off over it!!

"See, that's the difference between old school and new school," Harvey said. "Panties, right now!"

To his credit, Peters laughed it all off with the rest of the guys ... and, hey, watch the clip -- it wasn't like anyone else's answers were much better!

"Seinfeld" star Wayne Knight's still got it -- he's unleashing a trademark Newman rant to point the postal finger at the Trump administration for slowing mail service ahead of the election.

Newman threw on his old U.S. Post Office wardrobe for a PSA video dedicated to Friday's World Post Day ... the anniversary of the Universal Postal Union, which started in 1874 in Switzerland.

Check out the video ... Newman wastes no time, hilariously digging into President Trump, his Postmaster General Louis DeJoy and what looks like a giant turkey leg.

It's classic Newman laughs, but he does take serious shots at POTUS, accusing him of attempting to kneecap the post office by slashing employee hours and removing mailboxes.

From the second Wayne opens with, "Hello zip codes. And, you plus-fours, you know who you are" ... ya just know it's gonna be funny.

He might have saved his best shot for DeJoy, saying ... "That guys' never even licked a stamp."

The PSA, spearheaded by an anti-Trump super PAC, comes on the heels of "Cheers" star John Ratzenberger also suiting up in his old post office uni to rally behind the U.S. Post Office.

Not all heroes wear capes.