Humor

President Biden loves those old western films, evidenced in the fact that he once again quoted his favorite John Wayne line ... which still doesn't seem to exist as he describes it.

Joe was out in Vietnam this weekend where he was talking shop with other global leaders, and at one point he was addressing climate change ... and used a line he believes is from a JW movie to hit the point home about folks who deny global warming exists.

Of course, he again invoked his favorite old-timey phrase -- "lying, dog-faced pony soldier" -- to suggest the people who say climate change isn't real are bold-faced liars.

Joe describes the scene he believes this line, which he's dropped before, is from -- and apparently it has something to do with Native Americans being deceived by Union soldiers ... with one of the tribesman telling John's character that they're full of it.

He doesn't say which film, specifically, this is from ... and even his description of the scene is a little fuzzy. Funny enough, Joe used this quote before -- back in 2020, while he was campaigning, he called a young woman this to her face after she asked a question.

At the time, his remark was perceived as rude and a little out of pocket on JB's part -- but journos also discovered the "dog-faced, pony solider" mashup simply doesn't exist as Joe remembers it. He appears to be mixing lines from a couple different John Wayne movies, not to mention an entirely separate film ... the 1952 Tyrone Power flick called "Pony Soldier."

Donald Trump is ready for beer pong and keg stands -- at least that's the vibe here as he meets and greets frat boys in the mid-west ... ones of the land, that is.

The ex-Prez is at Iowa State University right now, where he's expected to attend the Cy-Hawk football game against the University of Iowa. His team announced he'd be in the stands there at Jack Trice Stadium -- and it looks like he's already showing his allegiance.

Check out this clip posted by his campaign team ... it shows 45 walking into a room full of members from the Alpha Gamma Ro Agriculture Fraternity House. So, yes ... farmer bros!!!

Sounds like the guys -- upwards of 40 of them, it seems -- were super happy to see DT ... 'cause they welcomed him with a huge round of applause as he walked in. As for Don, he entered the same way Roy Williams famously did in that locker room once upon a time.

There are a couple different angles floating online, and one shows a little bit of what happened after the guys settled down and stopped clapping. It looks like Trump made a quick quip to the room, which was about to start laughing ... but the clip cuts off before that starts.

Even outside the frat house, there was a huge crowd there to greet Trump ... cheering him on. There's more footage of DT making the rounds on campus and getting received warmly.

Of course, his presence there makes sense ... he's still in campaign mode -- even amid all his legal woes -- and Iowa's a big player in the run-up to a nominee being selected in the GOP. Based on what we can see, it appears he's still got lots of fans in the state of Iowa.

Martin Short's fans are coming to his defense on social media after he was skewered as a "desperately unfunny" comedian in a recent op-ed.

All the drama started Friday when Dan Kois published an opinion piece for Slate, calling into question Short's talents as a funnyman to the point of what many might interpret as being rude.

Kois wrote, "He (Short) would do anything, anything, for a laugh" ... "I find Martin Short's whole schtick exhausting, sweaty and desperately unfunny."

Continuing his takedown, Kois said ... "Every time he dresses up in a silly outfit or says something outrageous or mugs for the audience, I want to shout at the screen: 'Why are you being like this?'"

Kois also attacked Short's hugely popular TV show, "Only Murders In The Building," co-starring Selena Gomez and Steve Martin. Even though the series received Emmy nominations, Kois still thinks Short's character is not funny.

And the criticism went on and on and on.

But a lot of people disagreed with Kois and took to social media to show their support for Short, while posting clips of his best moments.

One fan wrote on X, "There's literally nothing that's not funny about martin short i dont understand this."

Another devotee said, "Martin Short has been hysterical since I was born lol."

IShowSpeed might never live down his infamous wardrobe malfunction ... 'cause even KSI got in on the jokes when they met up on Thursday -- calling him "IShowMeat" right to his face.

The popular internet personality made headlines after accidentally exposing himself while playing Five Nights at Freddy's last month ... and despite his constant pleas, thousands of people -- including his followers, haters and even his own family -- have called him the cruel nickname ever since.

The trolling didn't stop when the two YouTube stars linked up for a training sesh earlier in the day ... 'cause when Speed started talking to his stream audience after the workout, KSI dropped a savage line.

"All right, chat ... he always calls me IShowSlow," Speed said ... before KSI interrupted.

"IShowSlow, IShowMeat, what else you showing?" Logan Paul's Prime business partner joked.

"What did you just call me, bro?" Speed responded ... staring into the camera in disbelief.

When KSI doubled down -- even taking it a step further with a super NSFW iteration -- Speed did his signature dog bark right in his face before dissing his beard.

It's been a difficult few weeks for Speed ... after taking a few days off from streaming, he opened up on the mental challenges he faced as a result of the viral malfunction.

As for the workout, KSI showed he's been training hard for his October fight against Tommy Fury ... but it was Speed who lived up to his name when it came to sprints.

Cardi B is giving a few fans a little more bang for their buck with her upcoming "Bongos" collab with Megan Thee Stallion -- they're getting a bit of Cardi's essence along with their signed CDs!!!

An eager Cardi B gave in to a few seedy fan demands, and did her best to create scratch and sniff versions of the CDs cover art. While live on IG Tuesday night, she rubbed copies between her legs, her boob ... and, of course, her ass cheeks.

If that wasn't enough for fetish-loving fans ... she also licked several copies in an attempt to tone down the nasty!!!

Cardi and Meg have a near-Diamond collab with their 2020 hit "WAP" ... and are presumably picking up where that success left off with Friday's release of "Bongos."

The track might also jumpstart the campaign on Cardi's next album.

Lil Rel Howery says an ill-timed trip to the men's room almost spoiled his marriage proposal during Beyoncé's concert ... and he's thanking her for stalling long enough for him to pop the question.

The comedian joined us Wednesday on "TMZ Live" and told us all about how his engagement went down ... and why nature called at the most inopportune time.

Lil Rel proposed to his GF Dannella Lane at Beyonce's concert Monday night at SoFi Stadium, and he says Jay-Z and Beyoncé's mom, Tina Knowles, advised him to do it when she sang "Love On Top" ... and they arranged to get the moment on the stadium's big screen.

It's funny, Lil Rel says he was waiting for the song for so long, he finally needed to break the seal ... and as soon as he got to the bathroom, "Love On Top" started playing.

Lil Rel says he finished his biz, and rushed back to his woman ... but he couldn't find their seats!!!

With the clock literally ticking, Lil Rel says he had to go back out and retrace his steps, and when he finally got back to his seats a cameraman was waiting ... and Beyoncé was motioning for him to get on with the proposal because she was dragging out the song. 😂

It all worked out, since Dannella said "Yes," and he tells us how the plan to propose really came together at the last minute. As for whether Bey's forgiven his tardiness ... we'll let him tell it.

PETA is cashin' in on Pete Davidson's anger -- the organization is selling a Halloween costume based on the infamously unhinged voice mail Pete left PETA during their feud over a puppy.

We've learned PETA's limited-edition costume comes with a paper mask of Pete's face, an "I Should Have Adopted" hoodie and a hat with a censored cuss word plastered on it -- referring to his profanity-laced telephone rant after the org called him out for buying a pet store puppy, instead of one from a shelter.

It also comes with a plush dog wearing a "Shelter Dogs Rule" bandana. The whole look is going for $99.99 ... and all proceeds are going toward spay and neuter surgeries to help combat the overpopulation of homeless dogs.

According to PETA, over 70 million dogs and cats are homeless in the U.S. ... and breeders contribute to the crisis by denying animals in shelters a chance at finding a loving home.

PETA President Ingrid Newkirk says, "It’s too late for Pete to undo his puppy purchase or that voice mail, but it’s never too late to save a dog’s life by choosing adoption and shunning pet shops and other dog breeders." She hopes Pete will see the joke in having folks dress up like him ... especially since it's for a good cause.

TMZ broke the story, Pete dialed up PETA in June after the org publicly shamed the comedian for buying the new pup at a NYC pet store. In his furious defense, Pete said he's allergic to dogs and, therefore, needed a hypoallergenic pooch like the cavapoo he got.

He also said the puppy was a gift for his mother who'd been mourning the recent death of her dog.

All of that with lots of colorful language sprinkled in, too -- which you can now mock, or celebrate, come Halloween.

Jake Paul took matters into his own hands to make sure his girlfriend's wax figure is just like the real thing ... cupping its ass and comparing it to the human Jutta Leerdam right on the spot!!

The Problem Child just posted footage of his visit at Madame Tussauds in the Netherlands this week ... where he got a truly up-close look -- and feel -- of his superstar athlete GF's recently opened exhibit.

Jake walked right up to the figure, squeezed its behind and then turned to the real Jutta ... and proceeded to grab her tush as well.

The Olympian laughed and pulled his hand away ... but you can tell she appreciated his dedication to the cause.

If the video wasn't enough indication that Paul's a big fan of the completed project, he even rapped about it on his newest song, "Witness" ... saying, "Madame Tussaud’s wax figure of my girl do that mean I got 2 oooo?"

Paul and Leerdam have been enjoying their time together in her home country following his big win over Nate Diaz ... and the boxer's even been hitting up her recent training sessions.

Steve Harvey asked fans which comedian they thought was the worst , and it sounds like word of that just made its way back to the man himself ... 'cause he's apologizing.

The veteran comic and jack-of-all-trades host hopped online with a personal video Friday -- showing that he's out in nature -- and he addresses a recent tweet posted by his personal account. A simple question was posed ... "A Comedian you don't find funny at all?"

Steve says he's got official social media people handling his accounts, and insists it wasn't him who posted it ... going on to lament the tweet as mean-spirited and downright negative.

It's unclear what sorts of names people responded with ... but the fact Steve felt he needed to clarify his/his team's intent suggests it got some traction on X.

A screenshot of the since-deleted tweet shows that it was viewed at least a million times, so folks definitely saw it.

Anyway, Steve says the explanation he got from his handlers was that they were just trying to get some engagement ... but he adds they're gonna be needing new employment now.

Dave Chappelle's 50th birthday party looked more like the Oscars or Grammys, as his A-list celebrity pals continued to pour into the bash.

Dave and company were at The Comedy Cellar in NYC Thursday to celebrate. Among the guests -- Chris Rock, Justin Timberlake, T.I., Chance the Rapper, Jon Hamm, Aziz Ansari, Jaleel White, Tisha Campbell and more.

Witnesses tell us Dave was among the last to leave the party around 2 AM, and was extremely grateful to everyone who came ... even thanking the cops outside.

Unclear if he did any sort of stand-up, but you gotta imagine Dave grabbed the mic at least once in the night. Dave's also in the middle of a 4-night stint at Madison Square Garden ... with shows the 22, 23, 25 and 26.

Ex-NFL running back Stevan Ridley is finally sharing video of the race that ultimately put Kevin Hart in a wheelchair ... and you can see the comedian came up injured just as the guys were about to cross the finish line.

Per the vid, the race went down on a roadway somewhere outside of a home this week ... with the two not even putting on any sort of running gear for the face-off.

With Hart in a pair of sweats and Ridley in a white tee and short shorts ... the guys actually raced twice before Hart got injured.

In their first run ... you can see Ridley just beat out Hart by a few steps. In their second, Hart actually hung well with the former New England Patriots back -- that is, of course, before he tore a bunch of muscles in his body and had to pull up short.

Hart can be seen in the clip grabbing at his hip before coming to a stop. He ultimately shared on Thursday that he had ripped up his lower abdomen and adductors in the run and he's now in a wheelchair.

"Guys," he said in a video explaining the situation, "I blew all my s***."

For Ridley's part, he didn't rub too much salt in the wound while posting the clips to his social media page Friday ... writing only in the caption, "Gotcha?? Got whooo?!"

Donald Trump's now infamous mug shot was not the only hot topic burning up the Internet Thursday ... there was a HUGE debate over 45's physical attributes on his booking form.

As everyone already knows, the ex-POTUS surrendered to authorities at the Fulton County Jail last night after he was criminally indicted for allegedly trying to subvert the results of the 2020 presidential election in Georgia.

DT posed for his scowling mug shot, which was then beamed around the world. Then something else caught the public's eye ... on his booking sheet, Trump's hair was described as "Blond or Strawberry," and his height and weight were listed as 6-foot-3 and 215 pounds.

Many people -- mostly on the left -- weren't buying DT's physical description and took to "X," the social media platform formerly known as Twitter, to weigh in on the matter.

Film Director Rob Reiner wrote, "215 pounds. No f**king way!"

Democratic strategist Sawyer Hackett insisted, "There is ZERO chance Trump is 6'3 and 215 pounds."

NFL reporter Scott Kacsmar posted a side-by-side photo comparison of chubby Trump and muscled football star Larry Fitzgerald, each with nearly the same physical characteristics. The caption read, "LIKE HELL."

ABC News noted Trump's height and weight were pre-reported to the jail to speed up the booking process ... giving skeptics even more ammo to think the numbers don't add up.

Michael Blackson says Nick Cannon's provided him with a lifetime of material -- and he's never gonna stop ribbing him for having 12 children ... and counting!!!

We linked up with Mike Wednesday in West Hollywood, and asked about 50 Cent going viral for ribbing Nick's personal population boom during a recent Forbes interview.

Mike's not offering any sympathy, and, in fact, tells us he's eager to see the day his old "Wild 'N Out" pal's struggling to take care of a few thousand grandchildren!!! 😂

He jokes Nick has to stagger visitations on FaceTime, and if it sounds like he's going in a little hard ... it ain't gonna stop. Mike says he's sticking to the comedian's code, so Nick (and his fam) will have to catch these jokes forever!!!

Nick's also sticking to that code -- he was publicly poking fun at 50's weight just a few months ago, so expect more back-and-forth in due time.

Mike will be here for a good time and long time, thanks to his new series "The Michael Blackson Show."

Ya gotta give this Little League World Series player an A for effort -- one kid tried to shrink the strike zone as much as possible during an at-bat on Tuesday ... by practically sitting in the box!!

It all went down during Mexico's matchup against Venezuela ... when second baseman Santiago Hernandez stepped up to the plate in the top of the 5th inning.

With a 1-0 count, Hernandez crouched down until he was basically in the dirt ... but unfortunately for him, his master plan didn't go according to plan, as Venezuela's pitcher threw a strike.

The announcers got a good laugh out of it ... wondering if the young athlete had practiced the stunt in the past.

As it turns out, the Little League rulebook specifically addresses this sort of thing -- stating a batter's strike zone is determined based on their normal stance ... displayed when they swing at a pitch or take a practice whiff.

In other words, Hernandez's crouching didn't change his strike zone one bit ... resulting in a called strike.

Sam Asghari knows he's going to be under the spotlight as his divorce from Britney Spears plays out ... so now he's playfully asking folks for help hiding from photogs.

Britney's estranged husband just posted a hilarious poll on his Instagram story ... asking fans to vote on one of three disguises he can use to throw the paparazzi off his scent.

Sam's choices include glasses with a gray mustache and gray hair, aviator sunglasses with curly brown hair, or a very Gen-Z TikTok haircut.

It's all in good fun ... Sam's still pretty recognizable in any of the three disguises, and the paparazzi are not easily fooled. Unless Sam's going all Richard Simmons.

Remember .. Sam filed for divorce this week after getting into a blowout fight with Britney over allegations she physically abused him and cheated.

Britney broke her silence on the split the night before Sam's paparazzi disguise poll, saying she's a "little shocked" by the divorce, though she suggests their marriage wasn't working and admits she "couldn't take the pain anymore honestly."

Drake was in a VERY generous mood at his latest tour stop ... spoiling a lucky young lady with a pink Birkin bag!!!

Champagne Papi performed at L.A.'s Kia Forum in Inglewood Wednesday night, dangling the pink prize in front of fans as he crooned in full-blown Toronto patois.

Drake then picked out the lucky female, as the crowd went insane ... and ordered his security to make sure she secured the bag safely. Birkin bags can run well past five figures in retail, so she definitely left with an investment.

We should note, Drake's no stranger to the famous bags, he once admitted he's been collecting them for years, simply to satisfy the woman he eventually calls his wife.

Not to be outdone, Drake's father, Dennis Graham, delivered a gift he had been planning for weeks ... the biggest bra ever and with a note that read, "Dad's wishing 'BIG' things for you, I love you and making sure you're breastfed correctly!!!" 😂😂😂

Drake's fans have been in a bra-throwing competition since we broke the story about Veronica Correia earning a modeling offer after throwing her size 36G bra during the tour in June.

But it looks like Dad's got this one won.