Humor

Here's something you don't see everyday ... a nun that could probably come out of the bullpen for the White Sox if she tightened up her curve ball.

Sister Mary Jo Sobiek of Marian Catholic High School was tasked with throwing out the first pitch Saturday at Guaranteed Rate Field in honor of her institution. Perhaps to everyone's surprise ... she dished out a wicked toss from the mound to kick off the game.

It wasn't just the pitch that impressed ... Sister Mary Jo also had a nice little arm trick up her sleeve -- knocking the ball off the inside of her elbow and catching it again. BADASS!!!!

Sadly, the Sox couldn't ride SMJ's coattails to a win -- they ended up losing to the Kansas City Royals, who are last place in their division. At least we got a nice follow-up sister act in Chicago though!

You'd think Kanye West would not get shut down when he ordered a pair of Yeezy slides, but the ones he wore to 2 Chainz' wedding were waaaay 2 small.

The back of Ye's feet were hangin' off the slide. It may have affected his balance because it looks like he had to use Kim's ass to stay upright. Then again ... that's just a theory.

They otherwise had a great time at the nuptials.

Matt Groening has a new Netflix show out called "Disenchantment" ... but he's got an enchanting way of appeasing autograph seekers -- he comes prepared.

We got "The Simpsons" creator at LAX Friday, and he showed up with a bag full of signed cartoon drawings to give away ... which he calls his new strategy for pleasing his fans.

Our cameraman even got an original Elfo! (He's one of the stars of Groening's new show.)

Then our guy hit Matt with some jarring news -- a 3D artist on Twitter posted his imagining of what a real-life Homer Simpson would look like ... and he basically replied with an "Ay, Caramba!"

Cristiano Ronaldo ... welcome to the team, newbie!!

Here's the newest member of Juventus FC standing on top of a chair and singing his heart out ... all part of the team's new player initiation ritual.

Before the International soccer superstar suits up for his first ever game for the Italian giants on Saturday ... the fresh meat were forced to show off their pipes -- CR7 was no exception.

Mattia Perin, Joao Cancelo and Leonardo Bonucci also joined in on the fun. But, you gotta love Ronaldo leading the charge.

At first blush, it appears Garry Shandling left behind an estate of less than a million dollars -- a surprisingly low amount for the mega-successful comedian ... but there's more to the story.

According to new legal docs -- obtained by TMZ -- Shandling had a net worth $668,636 at the time of his death, which was left with the executor of his estate ... his lawyer and friend, Bill Isaacson.

But, there's a catch -- Isaacson is the trustee of a trust Shandling created that's hidden from public view ... a trust that likely contains millions more in assets.

As we reported with Anthony Bourdain, rich celebs often create these separate trusts for various reasons, including privacy and tax purposes.

That seems to be the case with the late star of "The Larry Sanders Show" as well.

Kourtney Kardashian channeled Kool & The Gang with a ladies' night post-Younes Bendjima -- and then she channeled 'Fast & the Furious' ... emphasis on the furious.

Kourt hit the town Wednesday with her good pal, Larsa Pippen, who joined her at Madeo in Bev Hills for some grub. As they were leaving, paps lit up like a bunch of hungry seagulls -- ourselves included -- and peppered the eldest Kardashian about her split with Younes.

She was tight-lipped on her feelings about the dude, but was a little more fast and loose with her steering wheel while trying to get the hell outta there.

As the saying goes, the best laid plans of horny men often go awry -- or something like that, but this video of a bare-assed British dude banging his chick in a busy park ... definitely applies.

In the video, shot over the weekend in Leeds, England, you can hear a concerned citizen calling the police to report the guy's failure to Brexit his GF ... within yards, apparently, of a cricket match.

Once the players noticed, a violent case of coitus interruptus went down. One guy ran over and put an end to the bangers and mash ... by slapping the BF in the face multiple times.

Ray J says the reason his beanie seemed to have a mind of its own this week on 'Love & Hip Hop' has more to do with Hollywood magic than any real hat trick.

Ray broke down the 50 seconds of the episode everyone's talking about -- not for anything he or Safaree Samuels said, but because Ray's hat seemed to have a mind of its own!! In the brief scene, the knitted hat was in at least 6 different positions.

Fans of the show noticed, then made sure the Internet noticed. Viral video and meme hilarity ensued.

Ray gently put the blame on editing, as he revealed exactly how long they were actually shooting the scene. Hint: It's MUCH longer than what you saw on VH1 or the web.

Considering the hat has stolen the spotlight, Ray tells us it could be getting a bigger role in upcoming episodes. As he puts it ... the hat's in negotiations.

Derby the dog showed how it's done Saturday at the Dog Surfing Championship at Linda Mar Beach in Pacifica, California.

Derby was decked out in shades and a life vest as he shot the curl. The waves were only moderately gnarly, but hey ... they're dogs so it's super impressive.

Check out the photo gallery ... a lab, a golden retriever, a pug, a terrier and garden variety mutts tried their paws at hanging 10.

There were different weight classes -- small, medium, large and very large. And get this ... there was even a tandem dog competition. One clearly rode bitch. And there was a human/dog pairing, too.

DJ Khaled channeled his inner goat to push his favorite rum, and the result is this hilarious campaign.

The mega hit maker is featured in this new ad for Bumbu Rum, and we're told they hired Khaled to marry his positive vibes with an activity that promotes the same thing. Enter goat yoga.

We're told Khaled enjoyed the little taste of yoga he got so much, he's thinking about hiring his own instructor.

Khaled tells TMZ ... "I am always progressing, I am always becoming. There’s always room for growth and development. Always strive to be the G.O.A.T. in everything you do. Be the G.O.A.T. friend, the G.O.A.T. business partner, the G.O.A.T. team member, the G.O.A.T. to your significant other."

Blake Griffin and Jeff Ross went scorched earth on each other during their 'Roast Battle' over the weekend ... with gay jokes, Kardashian jokes -- and even Clippers jokes.

It all went down at The Fonda Theater in L.A. -- where the stars declared comedic war on each other for the Comedy Central show ... and neither one pulled any punches.

Some of the highlights ...

Blake attacks Jeff's weight:

"The only way you could get inside of a gym is if you literally f**ked a guy named Jim."

Jeff attacks Blake's new team, the Detroit Pistons:

"Blake, good luck in Detroit ... you know what, I think you're just white enough not to get shot by the cops. But, be careful because you're now the worst shooter in the most violent city in America."

Blake attacks Jeff's hair:

"Jeff ... you're such a bald piece of sh*t. It honestly looks like we both got f**ked over by the Clippers."

Jeff attacks Blake's breakup with Kendall Jenner:

Demi Moore trolled the hell outta Bruce Willis with a Harvey Weinstein joke at his 'Roast' that might have some people asking ... too soon?

The actress made a surprise appearance at her ex-husband's "Comedy Central Roast" -- which aired Sunday night -- and joked Bruce was one of the disgraced studio mogul's victims.

The setup started with Demi giving Bruce props for doing an Indie movie, "Pulp Fiction," which happened to be produced by Weinstein. Then came the punch line ... which drew laughs, but also shock from others onstage -- Kevin Pollak winced and Cybill Shepherd's jaw literally dropped.

Comedy star Donnell Rawlings is 100% behind Blake Griffin in his upcoming roast battle with Jeff Ross ... saying he believes Griffin will win, then roasting the hell out of Jeff Ross on the spot.

Ross and Griffin are gonna duke it out with the insults pretty soon ... and, when we got Rawlings at LAX on Thursday, we wanted to know who he thought would come outta the roast victorious.

Normally this is where we we'd put a quote in the story, but after saying Blake would win the battle, Rawlings proceeds to eviscerate Ross with every four letter word and insult we can think of.

It was enough to make us blush ... and we're TMZ Sports ... think about that.

Roseanne's moving on from saying sorry after her latest attempt didn't go so well, and has a message for people who don't appreciate her jokes -- 'F**k off."

We spoke with Roseanne Friday -- after her TV apology to Valerie Jarrett ended with a diss on Jarrett's haircut -- and asked if her "joke" was distracting from other points she made on Sean Hannity's show Thursday night.

Roseanne's response -- "They hate jokes. They should f**k off."

As for whether she's going to lay off Jarrett now ... she tells us we'll have to wait and see.

Roseanne also spoke with Rabbi Shmuley more about being ousted from her ABC show ... and says the real tragedy is she had noble plans for Season 2 ... including hiring African-American writers.

As we reported ... Barr claims ABC fired her because she supports Donald Trump, and tells the Rabbi she was constantly outnumbered on "Roseanne" by a bunch of Trump-haters.

Nicolas Cage and his GF got so loud at a five-star hotel, cops had to come riding in to the rescue.

Sources tell us Nic was staying at the Fairmont Banff Springs hotel in Alberta, Canada Tuesday after he wrapped filming on a movie up North. We're told someone called in a noise complaint that night, claiming things were getting outta hand in Nic's room.

First, hotel security came up and told them to keep it down. We're told Nic happily obliged, but some other guest went straight to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police -- 'cause officers responded after midnight. Not on horseback, bro. In case ya don't know, the RCMP have cars now.

Sacha Baron Cohen is unfairly making the citizens of Kingman, Arizona look like a bunch of backwater racists ... according to the city's mayor.

Mayor Monica Gates tells us last week's episode of "Who Is America?" is total BS because she doesn't think it was even shot in her city. She says she doesn't recognize the venue or any of the people in the room.

The segment was supremely unflattering to Kingman -- a disguised Sacha told the roomful of citizens the world's largest mosque outside of the Middle East was going to be built there. The reaction ranged from hilarious to scarily racist ... not only against Muslims.

As for the people in the room NOT being legit Kingman residents? Some of the people who got duped sounded off afterward, and we checked the names that were public -- they DO live there.

Check out why Mayor Gates says there's no need for a new mosque in her city, anyway. It's not what you think.