Humor

As Dr. Seuss might say ... this owl made him howl, and it's all because of the owl's bowels.

This dude probably thought he had one cool video to post on Instagram after someone with a pet owl popped into the restaurant where he was eating. The owl somehow ends up on his head, which amuses him to no end. And, speaking of ends, he didn't know what was coming.

A Nebraska man had a helluva pitch for his local City Council leaders -- making no bones about the fact that so-called "boneless" chicken wings are the scourge of society.

This is a real thing that recently went down in Lincoln, NE -- where a well-to-do citizen, Ander Christensen, got up during the public comment section to air his grievances about this widespread problem that he felt was ruining a way of life for Americans.

At first, it sounds like he's talking about a major social issue -- like LGBT rights, racism or something -- but instead, he pivots to poultry ... as in chicken wings. Watch for yourself.

The man gave a passionate speech about how the phrase "boneless chicken wings" absolutely must be retired in Lincoln, across menus from all over the city's many restaurants. Why??? Because he says it's a bald-faced lie, straight up.

He makes some great points -- basically, boneless chicken wings are really just mini chicken tenders ... but restaurant-goers continue to live in a fantasy. He's got some alternative names in mind -- and they're not half bad. BTW, the dude is dead serious here ... or so it seems.

Laugh if you must, but don't clip this guy's wings just yet ... clipping the name will do just fine.

Tiffany Haddish says don't be fooled by loud-mouthed promoters of racism and hate -- especially toward African-Americans ... because they're outnumbered by good people.

Tiffany joined us on "TMZ Live" Monday, and she got choked up talking about events in Kenosha and Portland this past week, but some rays of hope surfaced.

While fighting back tears, she says that she considers herself an optimistic person ... but it only goes so far in the wake of all the strife and violence.

Tiffany, who's become a leader in the social justice movement ... thinks 15% - 25% of the country harbor extreme hatred toward blacks, but she seems to think there's security in numbers, and the numbers are in favor of racial equality.

Tiffany raised eyebrows a few weeks back on Carmelo Anthony's podcast when she said she's scared to have kids because she's worried about them growing up Black in America. She has a solution that is awesome and inspiring.

A small child got the scare of her young life as she was lifted in the air -- WAY up in the air -- by a very large kite.

Video captured the incident at a kite festival in Taiwan. A 3-year-old girl was there enjoying the majesty of the long, flowing kites, when she became entangled in the strings of one of them.

The crowd watched in horror as the girl was propelled in the air by an orange kite ... high up in the air, as people on the ground watched helplessly.

The words of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion came head-to-head with the word of the Lord on a city sidewalk -- and it sounds like the former might've beaten out the good book.

Check out this video of an older guy reading aloud from the Bible on a sidewalk, not too far from a masked young woman also reading from her phone, rattling off lyrics to "WAP." Try as he did, the gent got drowned out by the tune ... then again, the camera's further from him.

It's a funny scene though -- and a testament that blindly preaching to kids these days isn't a good way to reach 'em. Maybe reciting lyrics to Justin Bieber's "Baby" would've been more effective.

Speaking of, if you're wondering what sparked this ... it was a pro-choice rally that clashed with anti-abortion demonstrators, which seems to have gone on for at least 2 days. Both groups had signs touting their beliefs and were keeping a somewhat respectful distance away from each other. But, one secret weapon the young crowd had with them that the holy group didn't ... condoms!

A woman decked out in Trump 2020 gear unleashed a hateful, xenophobic attack at a counter-protester, but her efforts were blunted by some loose dentures.

It seems this all went down at some sort of Trump rally. The woman who says her name is Carla ... tells an Asian woman to go back to where her ancestors came from.

Problem is ... Carla's dentures keep falling out. She struggles in her verbal attack ... it's hard to keep a stiff upper lip when your chompers aren't secure.

Boy ... this tirade was so bad even her dentures wanted a quick escape.

Jerry Seinfeld has a thing or two to say to anyone who thinks the Big Apple is done for amid the coronavirus pandemic -- and it can be summed up in two words ... Shut. It.

The legendary comedian penned an op-ed for the NYT titled ... "So You Think New York Is ‘Dead’ (It's Not)," and he takes aim at a specific guy who wrote a LinkedIn article claiming exactly that, while also saying the city wouldn't bounce back amid a resident exodus.

Welp, Jerry believes otherwise in pretty strong terms, and even calls that author a "putz" who should stop waling and whining about the death of NYC. He writes, "Oh, shut up," while adding ... "Wipe your tears, wipe your butt and pull it together." Well said, JS!

You gotta read the editorial yourself, but basically ... Jerry makes the argument that New York (Manhattan especially) is resilient and that the abandoned streets won't last forever. He says there's a magic in that town that'll resurge, even if it comes back slightly different.

He also says the "work from home" trend will die out too eventually, 'cause it doesn't capture the same energy as when people are together. He thinks the same applies to NYC.

Now, Jerry isn't advocating for things to get back to normal just yet -- he's just telling true New Yorkers to tough it out and wait for the storm to pass ... because in his eyes, it will.

If there's anyone you should listen to on the topic of New York life, it's the Sein. Take heed.

Cardi B's not wet behind the ears when it comes to promoting herself, so it's no surprise she's selling "WAP" gear in a way that'll get everyone talking.

The rapper's online store is promoting a new merchandise line featuring the title of her sexually explicit hit track with Megan Thee Stallion, and it's um ... water-themed.

To make sure her fans don't get soaked, Cardi's got "WAP" umbrellas, rain ponchos, spandex sports bras and biker shorts for sale.

There's also "WAP" t-shirts, sweatshirts, sweatpants and crop-top hoodies available ... and some of the attire features sexy shots of Cardi and Meg.

If you've been living under a rock, you might not know that the duo's hit track has been all the rage since the release of the music video -- which features a Kylie Jenner cameo -- earlier this month.

Here's Kevin Dillon trying to snap a photo with his smoking hot date -- but it was far from easy, and really exactly the sorta thing you'd expect from Johnny Drama!!!

Yeah, Kevin seemed to be slipping back into his "Entourage" character when he hit up Paradise Cove in Malibu the day after his 55th birthday. He spent A LOT of time and effort trying to get everything just right for some IG-worthy snaps with sexy singer Amy May.

As you can see ... Kevin and Amy tried a bunch of different poses on the beach, and he was definitely steering the selfie ship -- searching for just the right lighting, smile and angles.

This sort of display is usually reserved for IG models and influencers ... but then again, we're dealing with Johnny freakin' Drama here!!!

One you thing you probably won't see if these selfies ever get to Kevin's social media stamp of approval -- Amy standing on her tiptoes. You know Drama would love her calves!!!

No word if Kevin shouted "VICTORY" once he nailed the shot -- but he should have.

John Oliver took a bit of shot at a small town in Connecticut, and they just took one of their own in cheeky fashion ... naming a sewer plant after the talk show host.

Mayor Mark Boughton of Danbury, CT posted a video on his Facebook page this weekend responding to John's scathing rebuke of his city ... which the 'Last Week Tonight' host took aim at ... seemingly to poke fun at how kitschy and quaint it is.

John was talking about how different cities and states in the U.S. botch jury selection processes by virtually guaranteeing all-white jurors ... often screwing over people of color. He noted two racially diverse Connecticut jurisdictions often get skipped over for jury selection ... and then randomly launched into this hate bit on Danbury.

It was all in good fun, and it doesn't seem John has any real animosity against the town or its people. In our eyes, the Danbury tangent just served to lighten the mood.

Well, it appears the Mayor took it personally ... and literally went out of his way to respond, saying he would officially rename the city's sewer plant after JO himself. In his own words, Mayor Boughton says of the move, "Why??? Because it's full of s***. Just like you, John."

Sen. Tom Carper ain't afraid to drop an f-bomb or 3 when he can't get into Zoom -- like the rest of us -- but his technical issues happened on live TV. As he might put it ... f**king oops!!!

The Senator from Delaware was invited to take the virtual floor during Friday's USPS hearing. It was his turn to grill embattled Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, but he apparently had connectivity issues when Sen. Ron Johnson called on him.

Tom's response was direct and to the point -- "F***, f***, f***," he screamed while trying to get an aide to help. Seems the Senator didn't realize his audio was fully intact, even if his video wasn't at first.

The Senators ended up having a good laugh about it. Sen. Johnson joked they didn't want to be on TV again before Carper was finally able to join.

Sen. F-bomb's a good sport about his four-letter flubs. He tweeted a few things get him more fired up than protecting the USPS.

Former Presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg knows how to generate buzz ... just ask the fly that swooped in on his big moment at the DNC, and stole the spotlight.

Bloomberg scored a prime spot at the Democratic National Convention Thursday night -- a 5-minute speech designed to go on the attack at President Trump, but someone forgot to tell the pesky housefly that landed on him.

Damn shame too ... 'cause just as MB was hitting his stride, calling out Trump for being a horrible businessman ... the Musca domestica (yeah, we know science) started buzzing around.

We'll say this ... the multi-billionaire kept his cool, lightly swatting at his podium partner while making it look like he was just gesturing with his hands. Smooth, Mike.

Really good at football. Really bad at singing!!!

That's how the Philadelphia Eagles players felt about rookie QB Jalen Hurts -- booing the guy off the stage during a performance at the team facility  ... and the footage is hilarious!!!

The former Oklahoma/Alabama star tried to best to perform Maze's 1981 hit, "Before I Let Go" on Tuesday -- but man, it did not work out!

Tone-deaf? Yes. Pitchy? Yes. Voice cracking during the song? Mmmhmmm.

And, since it's Philly, the crowd LET HIM HAVE IT -- booing the crap out of the guy ... with some players yelling, "Get the f**k outta here!"

Obviously, the whole thing is in good fun ... NFL rookies have been embarrassing themselves in team "talent" shows for decades. Never gets old.

Hurts had previously performed Al Green's "Love & Happiness" for the team last week --- no boo's there, though.

Joe Biden's crash course in Cardi B is complete, and now you can decide if he passed after their sit down covering race, healthcare and uhh ... that "big chunk of taxes" out of our checks!!!

It's almost a rite of passage -- for Democrat Presidential candidates, anyway -- a campaign chat with Cardi, this one for Elle, and she gave Joe an earful. He started out with flattery and then asked what's her main issue heading into the vote.

Welp ... Biden got more than 2 minutes of her issues -- including education, social justice and childcare -- complete with some okurrrrs! Seriously, Cardi's sound effects seemed to throw him off a bit (go to 3:55).

He's just lucky "W.A.P." didn't come up ... that woulda been a moment.

The fact the presumptive Democratic candidate spent 15+ minutes chatting with Cardi -- the day the Democratic National Convention opens -- makes it clear Biden's campaign sees the reach and influence she has. Remember, she also grilled Sen. Bernie Sanders ... so, she's becoming an important campaign stop.

As for Biden ... he and Cardi spent a lot of time talking about racial equality, but she also slipped in a jab about taxes. Y'know, she's famously gotten heated about where her tax dollars are going -- so pay attention to her final question.

Jesse James' monkey is hot and bothered by his neighbors -- breaking into their house and flaunting an erection!!! Teenagers.

Here's the deal ... Jesse's pet monkey, Tobi James, got loose, slipped into a neighbor's pad this week, and then things got super wild. Tobi ran around the house, knocking over cups of coffee, climbing up and down the stairs -- and, obviously, REALLY excited about it.

Yep, adolescent monkeys get boners too, and Tobi was sporting it his during his hijinks ... as you can see in this video.

Jesse's neighbor, Carrie, tells us Tobi barged in Tuesday around 8:30 AM, when she heard what sounded like someone trying to break in. She says she saw the door handle jiggling and got the creeps -- but still decided to slowly open the door.

When she did, the little critter dashed inside and started monkeying around. Yes, that's a euphemism for playing with himself ... all over the house!!!

Carrie smartly consulted a Facebook page for her town of Dripping Springs, TX -- and folks there told her Tobi belonged to Jesse, who came over to pick him up.

Carrie says Jesse was apologetic and explained Tobi is about 4 years old, which is like a teen in human years, and y'know what that means -- puberty and hormones. Jesse thinks that's why Tobi bolted from his house.

We're seeing a lot of cold showers in this monkey's future.

How did Gregg Popovich deal with his Spurs missing the NBA playoffs for the first time in 22 years? By mocking Donald Trump!

Pop's squad didn't exactly thrive in the NBA's bubble environment and played their last game of the 2020 season Thursday against the Utah Jazz. They lost and will now exit the bubble.

More importantly, it means Pop will miss the NBA playoffs for the first time in 22 seasons ... and when he was asked about his historic run coming to an end, he channeled his inner Trump.

"Who told [the media] that the streak ended?" Pop joked ... "That’s fake news!!"

"That’s total fake news. Lots of guys have been telling me the streak hasn't ended. I talk to people all the time, they call me, they tell me ‘Pop, the streak didn't end.'"

"It didn't. It didn't end. I don't know where you guys are getting this."

Pretty funny, right?! Unless you're a Trump supporter.

Of course, 71-year-old Popovich HATES Donald Trump and isn't quiet about it -- blasting #45 any chance he's gotten. He's referred to Trump as a "deranged idiot" and a "coward" in scathing comments at the height of the George Floyd protests back in June.

Trump's largely ignored the coach's criticism ... but could Thursday's impression finally be the one that gets Pop a tweet from the Pres?