Humor

Remember when a random liquor store worker beat out every national reporter in breaking the insane Patrick Mahomes deal??

The Kansas City Chiefs decided to team up with the infamous tweeter for another go-round on Thursday ... to officially announce a new contract with star defensive tackle Chris Jones!!

WELL, before any major outlet had a scoop on the Mahomes news, Katie Camlin of Plaza Liquor in KC sent out the following -- "A front office employee for the Chiefs came in and bought 6 bottles of Dom Perignon."

"Said there's a big signing today. He said it's not Chris Jones, so my guess is a Mahomes deal."

We all know by now that Katie was absolutely right in her prediction ... with Mahomes inking a record-breaking, 10-year deal worth up to $503 MILLION.

As a way to pay homage to the epic moment, the Chiefs worked with Camlin for a re-enactment for the Jones deal -- a 4-year, $85 million extension.

"OMG. Chiefs came in again. Six more bottles. My guess is CHRIS JONES!!" Camlin tweeted in the vid.

Of course, ESPN's Adam Schefter ended up breaking the news on Tuesday ... which Camlin joked was out of generosity.

"I let @AdamSchefter have that one."

RAW EMOTION FROM HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN!!

It's true, Queen Elizabeth actually *giggled* during a conversation with a military member who moonlights as a member of the Jamaican bobsled team ... and the clip is great!

The monarch was having a video chat with members of the armed services -- including the Royal Army, Navy and Air Force ... when she began to assign questions to Lance Corporal Shanwayne Stephens.

When Her Majesty learned Stephens is the pilot of the bobsled team, she was so impressed, she let out a "Gosh!"

Stephens told her the plan is to compete in the 2022 Olympics -- and of course, the Queen asked how he's staying in shape during the COVID-19 pandemic.

"Unorthodox training methods," Stephens said ... "I’ve been pushing a car up and down the street."

THAT'S WHEN THE QUEEN LAUGHED!!!

"Well, I suppose that’s one way to train," she added.

FYI, Stephens later revealed the car he uses during his street training is his fiancee's Mini Cooper.

The Queen also wished the entire group the best of luck and said she enjoyed the conversation.

Now we know why Mike Tyson was throwing a steel cage on the beach in L.A. the other day ... SHARK WEEEEEEK!!!!

The 54-year-old boxing legend has teamed up with Discovery Channel for an August 9 special called, "Tyson Vs. Jaws: Rumble on the Reef."

So, what's the show? Seems Mike will "train" with a shark?!! Here's the show description from Discovery ...

"With famed ring announcer Michael Buffer calling the shots, these two heavyweights will square off underwater, where Mike Tyson will try to score a TKO over the massive shark ... all in the name of research."

He adds, "Someone's gonna get bit!"

Again, not really sure what that means -- BUT, WE'RE HERE FOR IT!

"I took on this challenger to overcome fears I still deal with in life," Tyson says in a statement.

"I equate this with overcoming my fear of getting back into the ring at 54 years old. I learned from this experience doing Shark Week that whatever intimidates me, I am still able to step up to the challenge of overcoming anything that would prevent me from accomplishing my life’s mission of reaching my highest potential in life and bringing me closer to God."

As we previously reported, Tyson hit the beach in L.A. a few weeks ago to shoot the spot -- and looked like a BEAST as he tossed around a steel cage, like it was a toy.

NFL Hall of Famer Bruce Smith -- who played 4 seasons in Washington -- says a name change is "long overdue" ... and feels the team is finally on the right side of history.

OH, AND WE ALSO ASKED BRUCE ABOUT THAT "PENIS" INCIDENT ON "FAMILY FEUD"!

But first, the serious topic ... Smith wrapped up his legendary NFL career in Washington and understands the issues surrounding the team name ... but clearly felt the time is right for change.

"It's the right thing to do for many reasons," Smith tells TMZ Sports ... acknowledging the pressure from business partners like FedEx and Nike obviously played a key role.

"Money motivates all of us to be quite honest with you, but socially and being on the right side of history is another motivating factor. I think both of those are present in this decision today."

NOW THE "FAMILY FEUD" QUESTION!

As we previously reported, Smith gave the best wrong answer EVER on 'FF' this week ... when he was asked the following question:

"If Captain Hook was moonlighting as a handyman, he might replace his hook with what tool?"

Smith said, "PENIS" and Steve Harvey lost his damn mind! The clip went viral almost immediately.

So, how does Bruce feel about his moment of social media fame?!

"You can't take life so seriously! You have to have some type of humor and you have to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes!"

"We need to laugh more than EVER right now. Laughter is good for the soul and I'm happy to of been able to entertain so many people."

And, get this ... Bruce says his phone has been blowing up since the incident -- with famous friends like Jim Kelly and MICHAEL JORDAN calling to roast him a little bit over his unbelievable answer!

THIS IS AMAZING VIDEO!!

Could you imagine going on "Family Feud" and being asked a question as simple as ...

"If Captain Hook was moonlighting as a handyman, he might replace his hook with what tool?"

That's what NFL Hall of Famer Bruce Smith was asked by Steve Harvey and you know what answer he gave?

A PENIS!

To be fair, Bruce offered "hammer" as his first guess but his teammate already said it ... so, technically it was his second guess.

But, still ... A PENIS?! BRUCE!!

Obviously, Steve Harvey busted up laughing because it's such a ridiculous answer.

Can you imagine Capt. Hook chasing Peter Pan around with a wiener dangling from his left hand?

Anyway, everyone laughed ... Steve Harvey dropped an expletive.

Oh, and shocker ... ZERO people surveyed said "penis."

Sorry, Bruce.

The world is constantly adapting to a new normal during the pandemic -- and that includes churchgoers and their leaders, who are pivoting too. As proof, here's Exhibit A and B.

We'll start with Archbishop Jose H. Gomez here, who presided over a mass this Sunday at the historic San Gabriel mission in Southern California -- this after a fire ravaged the main edifice Saturday, and parishioners were redirected to a separate chapel on the same campus.

Once the church service wrapped, the bishop and what looks to be a fellow priest were dishing out socially distant-friendly goodbyes to their worshipers ... giving 'em elbow bumps, waves and air crosses. One lady wanted a handshake, but got a blessing instead.

Everyone seemed to be wearing masks, and per reports on the ground ... the number of people allowed inside capped out at 100, so folks were spread out fairly well in the pews.

Now, elsewhere in the Catholic world ... someone captured an innovating way one church went about doing their weekly collections. Usually, there's a person going around with a basket, which then gets passed around with people tossing in cash and donations.

With 'rona going around though, that ain't that safe obviously. So, instead, one parish got creative to get their dough ... strapping a basket to a remote control car and zipping out to the crowd, some of whom threw down some bucks and carried on like normal.

Victoria Justice just got a bold marriage proposal from someone who wanted to tell the world they are hopelessly in love with her ... thing is, she has no idea who's behind it!

The actress was the recipient of a super romantic banner that was being dragged above Santa Monica -- with the help of an airplane -- with the message ... "I LOVE YOU VICTORIA JUSTICE ❤️ WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

Whoever did this paid a pretty penny -- planes ain't cheap. Thing is ... a rep for Victoria says she's in no position to accept the proposal for all sorts of reasons. First, she's not dating anyone seriously and she's definitely NOT engaged. And, there's this ... she has no idea who the heck is in love with her!!!

We're told the "Zoey 101" star would like to know -- if only as a matter of  -- who admires her to the brink of marriage.

Whoever it is ... they wanted to make sure she saw it, because the banner flew over the beaches of Santa Monica 5 times.

While Victoria's secret admirer struck out this time ... sounds like they still have a shot at love. After all, getting a girl's attention is half the battle!!!

Here's a dad trying to drain his RV's toilet after a camping trip with his family ... and the disgusting video turns into a total s**t show!!!

The guy's got a hose hooked up to the bottom of his RV, and he's trying to empty the toilet into a street drain, but things turn ugly in the blink of an eye.

All of a sudden, the hose comes loose, spilling tons and tons of dark brown sludge onto the ground and sending the family running and screaming for their lives!!!

The kids and their father can barely breathe as they document the disgusting episode ... and in the end, the ground is covered in poop. Cleanup on aisle 6!

Gotta hand it to one child ... the little fella seemed to have an idea dad's foolproof plan was doomed from the start, but sadly no one listened to his warning.

This dad's a regular Robin Williams in his unforgettable 2006 movie, "RV." Yes, there was a similar poop incident too.

An awesome new twist in the Dana White vs. John Oliver feud -- Dana is now selling UF-SEA t-shirts as John suggested ... with all of the proceeds going to one of John's favorite charities.

Okay, some brief backstory ...

Over the past few months, the 'Last Week Tonight' host has been clowning White over the name, Fight Island -- saying White would have been better off calling it UF-Sea.

"He was making fun of Fight Island," White says ... "Basically saying 'This idiot is gonna build an island where people could fight during COVID-19.'"

Dana tells TMZ Sports ... he ultimately took Oliver's advice and trademarked UF-Sea -- and now, he's getting ready to sell UF-Sea merchandise on the official UFC website starting this week.

White -- who says he's actually a John Oliver fan -- tells us he wants to use the attention to do something positive for people in need.

"I did some research on John Oliver," White says ... "One of his big charities is the Bob Woodruff Foundation."

FYI, the Bob Woodruff Foundation was established "to raise money to assist injured service members, veterans and their families."

"So that's one of [John's] big charities, so all the money from the UF-Sea- shirts are gonna go to one of John Oliver's charities."

Here's a fun fact Mike Myers will love ... male sharks have 2 PENISES ... count 'em, TWO!!!

Yes, it's a true scientific fact male sharks are blessed with two members ... and the reasons behind the double dongs are gonna be explored by Discovery Channel when "Shark Week" returns next month.

To get us ready for "Shark Week" and the two-penis episode, Discovery's coming in hot with this hilarious ad ... and ya gotta check it out, because it's straight outta Mike's playbook.

If you've ever seen "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me," the shark penis jokes should ring a bell ... and they're still funny, even 21 years later.

Quick science lesson ... male sharks have 2 penises, which are really just 2 grooved organs used to deposit sperm in the genital ducts of a sexually receptive female shark.

The organs are developed alongside the inner part of the shark's pelvic fin, and because there are 2 pelvic fins, there are 2 penises. Oh, and they only use one at a time.

Shark Week runs from Sunday, August 9-16 with more than 20 hours of shark programming through the week. The event will take viewers to oceans around the world to learn about the awesome creatures.

And, if the penis teaser is any hint, Discovery's right ... there's still A LOT you don't know.

A British journalist reporting live from home got yanked back into the field of family life during her broadcast -- and it's freakin' adorable ... even if the anchor didn't think so.

Sky News' foreign affairs editor, Deborah Haynes, was live on the air Wednesday with presenter Mark Austin -- and they were talking shop about a new law across the pond that'll allow millions of people in Hong Kong to -- y'know what, let's just get to Deborah's cute kid.

Her young son -- who can't be more than 5 -- storms into the room she's doing her live shot from ... and saunters over to bring something of the utmost importance to her attention -- biscuits. Highest priority!!!

Deborah handled the situation as gracefully as she could, excusing herself from the chat for a moment to address her boy's pressing concerns ... namely, if he could have 3 biscuits.

She haggled and gave him the okay for 2 -- but by then, the camera had cut back to Mark in the studio and he was already moving on, seemingly irritated by the interruption. He kept it relatively chill too though, saying that's what happens when reporting amid a lockdown.

Of course, that phenomenon isn't specific to coronavirus or WFH, per se -- and the Brits oughta know that first-hand. This reminds us of another very famous/very funny kid-trusion a few years back that happened live on the BBC, before COVID-19 was running rampant.

American professor Robert Kelly was doing a live shot from home to dish on South Korean policy, when his own two young children sashayed into the room ... only to have his wife fly in after them and yank them out.

CALL OFF THE FART PROBE -- Ian Poulter is admitting guilt!

The pro golfer has essentially copped to ripping a tremendous ass blast during a televised golf tourney this weekend ... and yeah, the video is just as hilarious as it sounds!

It all went down Sunday at the Travelers Championship at TPC River Highlands in Connecticut ... when the camera was focused on golfer Greg Chalmers.

But, after Chalmers took his swing ... viewers could hear what sounds like a duck being slaughtered -- which turned out to be a big ol' fart.

So, who was the culprit?

Poulter took credit almost immediately -- saying on camera, "Did you get that?"

Chalmers responds, "Stay over there. Is that supposed to be more silent than that?!"

Poulter later commented on social media -- taking full ownership.

"3 club wind this morning on the first tee. Always beware of the live mic."

He also clowned Chalmers -- saying, "The best bit everyone thinks it was you."

Wayne Brady says he knew he had to nail his Little Richard impersonation for the BET Awards tribute -- and he's giving props to his ex-wife and her BF for helping him pull it off.

Wayne joined us Monday on "TMZ Live" to talk about one of the highlights of Sunday night's show ... which was a virtual/at-home event for the first time. He said it was a blessing to honor the late rock 'n' roll legend, who he absolutely loved.

WB recalled the first time he actually got to meet Little Richard and work with him -- and it's obvious how much admiration they had for each other.

That's why Wayne knew the pressure was on to bring that live performance energy -- worthy of Little Richard -- even though it was pre-recorded ... and he revealed how he did that.

Talk about a progressive production -- Wayne told us how his ex-wife, her boyfriend, his daughter and a few others all came together to record the tribute in a COVID-safe environment.

Wayne says the final product just goes to show the pandemic can't stop him from doing what he loves to do.

Sacha Baron Cohen did what he does Saturday ... he went undercover at a right-wing militia event and when he started belting out a hateful, racist song ... and the crowd was more than happy to sing along.

It went down in Olympia, Washington, at the "March for Our Rights 3" rally.

Sacha came as the honcho of a political action committee, or so he said ... according to the Daily Beast. He hired a security team so no one could cut him off mid-song.

Check out the video ... Cohen is decked out in overalls, fake facial hair as he began singing about injecting former President Obama, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the World Health Org. and others with the "Wuhan flu." You hear people in the audience join in. And then, he suggests an alternative ... "chop them up like the Saudi's do," and the crowd chimes in.

The rally was reportedly organized by the Washington Three Percenters. The reference to 3 percent is an unsubstantiated claim only 3% of the members of the American colonies fought in the War of Independence.

Not everyone at the rally was cool with the song .... one city councilman said this ... “He came on stage disguised as the lead singer of the last band, singing a bunch of racist, hateful, disgusting s***,” adding, “His security blocked event organizers from getting him off the stage, or pulling power from the generator.”

The councilman also claimed the crowd turned on Cohen and security whisked him away in a waiting ambulance. Nevertheless, listen to the clip ... there are plenty of folks singin' along.

Britney Spears and Beyonce fans are bickering over who is the real Queen B for no good reason ... so says the artist whose painting ignited the whole beef.

Here's the deal ... Britney kicked the Beyhive Wednesday when she posted a painting of a bee with a crown and said, "To all my fans who call me Queen 👑 B …. I believe this would be more accurate."

Naturally, Britney's post sent Bey fans into a tizzy, and the hive sounded off by the thousands, letting Brit know there's only one Queen B in their eyes -- and she's from Houston.

Not to be a buzzkill, but Jenna Paddey, the artist who painted the image, says neither Britney nor Beyonce was her inspiration.

Translation: stand down, fan armies!!!

Jenna tells us she painted the illustration in 2018, and it was only intended to reflect a play on words for the phrase, "queen bee." She says she's not sure how Britney came across her work -- she does sell prints on her website -- but only found out about the IG post when friends started tagging her in comments.