Humor

Sorry perverts, Joe Buck has just shot down a $1 MILLION offer to narrate sex tapes ... but says, "I'm flattered."

Some backstory ... Buck and several other high profile sportscasters have been keeping their skills sharp by calling random non-sports videos for people stuck at home during the pandemic.

He's done everything from cooking to marble racing (and everything in between) in exchange for good cause donations to support worthy charities.

A few weeks ago, Buck also said he was getting some requests to add his voice to some adult videos ... but explained he wasn't ready to go down that road -- yet.

"Maybe later in life, but not now."

Now, one adult site is hoping $1 MILLION will change his mind -- with "ImLive" putting together a proposal for 6 weeks of work.

Basically, Buck would have to commentate 25 live cam shows per week through the end of May ... and in return, boom -- 7 figures.

And, get this ... the company says the audio work would all be for a good cause because it would help visually impaired people enjoy the site!!

But, bad news for the sex site ... Buck has considered the offer and says unlike the people in the videos, he won't take it.

"Depending on the site they could just be handing some of my money back to me," Buck joked.

"So I’ll hold out for a better offer and try to hold on to my day job. But I have to say I’m flattered."

Poor Mark Wahlberg ... the guy seems lost when it comes to the viral Carole Baskin dance, but he got a surprise introduction to it ... courtesy of his wife and daughter!!!

Mark was simply going downstairs for a snack when he ran into his wife, Rhea Durham, and 10-year-old daughter Grace getting down to the TikTok craze dance. He posted the video and posed just one question: "Could somebody please tell me what this is?"

But, it wasn't just that Rhea and Grace were rapping along to a remixed version of Megan Thee Stallion's "Savage." Check out the vid ... the mother-daughter duo dressed up for the part with flannel shirts and cap. Gotta give Grace bonus points for going the distance and channeling Joe Exotic himself by drawing a goatee on her face and fuzzy chest hair.

If ya missed out, like Mark, the remix was recently created by musician Caleb Jaxin, and so far it's been used in more than 1 million TikTok videos. The remix starts with a roar before you hear the lyrics, "Carole Baskin killed her husband, whacked him. Can’t convince me that it didn’t happen. Fed him to tigers, they snackin’. What’s happenin’, Carole Baskin?"

And, if those lyrics are still confusing to Mark ... someone hook him up with a Netflix password so he can binge 'Tiger King.'

THIS IS AWESOME!!!

Check out Mike Beltran -- one of the top referees in MMA -- turning his legendary facial hair into a coronavirus mask ... just for fun!

Of course, Beltran -- who's reffed fights for everyone from Henry Cejudo to Demetrious Johnson and Nate Diaz -- is famous for that long, flowing mustache.

So, with the COVID-19 pandemic in full swing, Beltran decided to have fun ... and show off his version of nature's mask!

"Well, my friends, I think this works. I don't think anything will penetrate the 'state," Beltran joked.

Obviously, he's just kidding around (USE A REAL MASK, PEOPLE!) but ya gotta love it!

"Hope you guys had a good laugh at my expense," he added (assuming with a smile on his face?).

Here's Dodgers reliever Joe Kelly giving a whole new meaning to "breaking ball" ...

The L.A. pitcher was working on his off-speed stuff in an at-home, quarantine throwing sesh this week ... when he let one get away from him -- and threw the cowhide straight through a window!!!

Yeah, JUUUUUUUUUUUUSTTTT a bit outside!!!

You can see in the footage of the aftermath (filmed by his wife) ... the damage Kelly's changeup did was pretty significant.

There was glass everywhere and a big ol' hole through the window ... and JK sure seemed to be in disbelief over it all.

Don't worry, Joe's got enough funds to pay for a new piece of glass ... dude signed a 3-year, $25 MILLION deal with the Dodgers just before last season.

Also, it coulda been much worse ... at least it wasn't fastball practice -- the guy throws his heater 100 MPH!!!

The 93-year-old woman who held up a sign from her window pleading for more beer just got a special delivery ... and now she's cracking cold ones in coronavirus lockdown.

Olive Veronesi just got 150 brews delivered to her home in Seminole, PA courtesy of Coors Light, which apparently caught wind of her plea after it started going viral over the weekend.

Olive went viral when her relative posted the picture of her on social media -- the senior citizen was holding up a sign in that read, "I NEED MORE BEER!!" along with a cold Coors Light.

The image spread like wildfire, with more than 4 MILLION people seeing it on Facebook. Tons of people offered to get Olive some brewskis, and then Coors Light stepped up and sent her 10 15-packs of cans.

Pennsylvania has some pretty annoying liquor laws, but the good folks of the commonwealth can still get their booze delivered to the front step.

Now, the mountains are cold inside Olive's place and she's got a new sign ... "GOT MORE BEER!"

THIS IS SAVAGE!!!!

Alex Bregman's fiancee decided to spice up quarantine time with a neck-cracking prank on the MLB star ... and it's gnarly and hilarious all at the same time!!

The gag began with the Astros third baseman's soon-to-be wifey placing a piece of dry pasta in her mouth and calling Alex over to help her "crack her neck."

Bregman -- who, by the way, didn't want to come because he was working on a puzzle -- showed up and pressed on the side of her head.

That's when Reagan chomped down on the pasta -- making a sick cracking noise -- AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ALEX!!!

Watch the clip ... the 26-year-old 2019 AL MVP candidate jumped back several feet with a look of sheer terror on his face!!!

Reagan quickly showed him it was all part of a TikTok video ... and Alex couldn't have been more displeased, calling it "stupid!"

Don't worry ... we're sure Alex got over it -- because, well, how could you stay mad at this?!?!

"Saturday Night Live" is figuring it out too -- how to keep the show going from home ... with self-shot skits, and the perfect host, too, in Tom Hanks.

The first celeb survivor of the coronavirus hosted the special 'SNL from Home' episode ... delivering a full monologue that did NOT use a laugh track (thankfully) but did pump in a little studio applause during his intro.

Right off the bat, Tom said the show wasn't live -- hence the multiple camera cuts during his monologue -- but was instead shot by the whole cast at home, and later edited.

Everyone was waiting to see who would play Dr. Anthony Fauci in a skit -- he had wisely opted for Brad Pitt -- but it didn't happen. Let's face it, they didn't have the services of hair and makeup to pull off those kinds of transformations.

Fauci did get a shoutout though during Kate McKinnon's hilarious skit about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's home workout sessions. While pumping iron -- meaning AA batteries -- 'RBG' begged Fauci to slide into her DMs.

Other skits included Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che -- complete with the usual graphics -- and Alec Baldwin doing a Trump "on-the-phone" skit (again, no hair & makeup).

Pete Davidson did his version of a Drake's "Toosie Slide" music video, but the home tour was slightly less fabulous, and it was directed by Pete's mom. Remember, he lives with her in Staten Island ... even when NOT quarantined.

The first win of the 2020 NFL season goes to the Carolina Panthers social media team ... which RUTHELESSY destroyed the Atlanta Falcons' new uniforms in a Twitter exchange for the ages.

It's no secret ... the Falcons pretty much fumbled its new jersey reveal -- the threads leaked a week before the big scheduled debut, which forced the team to push everything up to Wednesday morning.

A lot of people wish the team hadn't gone through the trouble at all ... with the general consensus (on social media at least) being the jerseys SUCK and never should've seen the light of day.

To add insult to injury, the Falcons' NFC South rivals got in on the fun ... with the Panthers Twitter comparing the new look to the Mean Machine jerseys from "The Longest Yard" in a hilarious video.

Incredible work.

Of course, the Falcons tried to recover by using the famous Cam Newton quote he used after getting cut this past offseason ... even including his signature crazy font.

"#šhïñëTHRŪthëŠHÄDĒ," the Falcons' Twitter responded ... but the damage was already done.

Someone in the Panthers' social media dept. needs a raise ... 'cause seriously, the comparison is spot-on.

A 3-time Ironman world champion lost a virtual reality race over the weekend ... and it's all because she says her husband tripped over the power cord that tied her to the event!!

"What an idiot," the losing athlete, Mirinda Carfrae, said.

Here's the deal ... with the world under lockdown -- world-class triathletes took part in a VR Ironman race on Saturday.

The event was pretty cool ... the women performed from their living rooms, with their movements being broadcast through avatars on a screen. It's like a video game powered by actual athletes.

The problem? Carfrae's hubby, world champion triathlete Timothy O'Donnell, entered the room to show off some trophies as inspiration for the camera -- when he accidentally unplugged his wife from the race!!

"He decided to bring my trophies in here for motivation and when he walked around the back, he kicked out the plug!" the 39-year-old said. "What an idiot!"

Carfrae -- who was immediately disqualified due to the disconnect -- took her husband's gaffe in stride, writing after the race, "Really enjoyed taking part in the @ironman VR1 this weekend."

"Might take a few more days to forgive @tointri for the colossal stuff up 🤦🏼‍♀️😂. Of all the things that could have gone wrong, TO kicking out the cord was definitely not on our radar."