Humor

STOP THE PARADE .... Patrick Mahomes has to pee!!!!

The Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl parade came to a screeching halt on Wednesday so the MVP could take an MVPee.

Check out the footage of the special security task force assigned to cover Mahomes at all times ... even during his potty break. PROTECT MAHOMES AT ALL TIMES!!

After the leak, Mahomes raced out of the porta-potty and high fived a bunch of the fans lined up along the parade route ... hoping, praying, guessing he washed his hands first!

Was NBA star Aaron Gordon baked out of his mind when he appeared on the "Inside the NBA" pregame show???

Judging by the video of Shaquille O'Neal making a bunch of "high" jokes at Aaron's expense ... it sure seems the Big Diesel thinks so.

Here's the deal ... Gordon appeared on the show Tuesday night via satellite ... but something seemed a little off.

Shaq took notice and started making jokes about how "high" Gordon and Zach LaVine jumped during the Dunk Contest in 2016 ... and kept hammering the point.

"They were so high ... I was like 'Damn, these boys are high!' Man, these boys are getting HIGH as hell!"

The jokes continued ... cohost Adam Lefkoe ended the segment by advising Gordon to go out there and keep "smoking the competition."

This is kinda cool ... Lindsay Lohan is sending good vibes to a group of high school students acting out one of her biggest movies, and she has a special message for the kids!!!

Here's the deal ... the theater club at Southampton High School on Long Island is performing a theatrical version of Lindsay's version of "Freaky Friday," which she starred in back in 2003 alongside Jamie Lee Curtis.

Lindsay's dad, Michael, lives on Long Island ... saw a flyer for the production, and sent a pic of it to Linds, who's in Dubai. She's clearly tickled, and recorded this sweet video to inspire the cast before opening night.

Quick refresher on the plot ... a mom and her daughter switch bodies after opening a mysterious and magical fortune cookie.

Lindsay's definitely stoked to see the film come back to life in a high school theater, and we're guessing the kids will gonna love this special shout-out from her.

Here's awesome video of lifelong Eagles fan Kevin Hart getting a game-worn, autographed jersey from one of the best players in franchise history ... and rightfully freaking out!!

Donovan McNabb came bearing gifts when he met with the comedian during Super Bowl week ... hooking Hart up with what will end up being one of his most prized possessions.

McNabb was a guest on Hart's "Laugh Out Loud" Radio show in Miami .. and told the movie star he had a little something for him ... and the dude's eyes LIT UP.

"It says 'official,' bitch!!" Kevin yells when he realizes the jersey is game-worn. "Look at this! An official f**king jersey!"

Remember ... Hart is from Philly and he's a HUUUUGE Eagles fan. In fact, he was front and center during the Super Bowl victory celebrations when the Eagles won it all in 2018 ... and even tried getting on stage with the players during the trophy presentation, but was rejected by security.

Kev's reaction is absolutely priceless ... and McNabb jokes that the jersey might be a bit too big for the smaller Hart.

Dozens of fans were chanting it ... "BIG D*CK RICK" ... but was Rickie Fowler distracted???

Hell no!!! In fact, the golfer loved it so much he egged on the crowd and then sank his putt!

It all went down Saturday at the famous No. 16 hole at the Waste Management Phoenix Open in Scottsdale, Ariz. ... where Rickie took the tee box to a HUGE applause.

At some point, after Rickie stuffed his iron shot just a few yards from the hole, though ... the clapping turned to chanting, with fans yelling "Big D*ck Rick" at the 31-year-old.

But, instead of telling them to quiet down over his putt ... Fowler stepped off his ball and waved on the crowd ... and when he sank the ensuing shot, everyone went wild!!!

Rickie's had a lot of fun with the nickname over the past few years ... especially at the Waste Management Open, where fans constantly chant it at him.

In fact, he even made a great dong pun to reporters over the nickname at last year's tournament, saying, "It's been going on for a few years now. It's really growing -- the name, I mean."

Brad Pitt's string of hilarious acceptance speeches rolled on across the pond for the BAFTA Awards where he brought up Prince Harry and Megxit ... in front of Prince William.

BP didn't make it to the ceremony Sunday night in London, so his costar, Margot Robbie, accepted his BAFTA (it's like the British Oscars) for Best Supporting Actor, and read the speech he'd written.

Margot said, speaking as Brad, "I'm gonna name this Harry, 'cause (Brad) is really excited about bringing it back to the States with him. His words, not mine. Thanks!"

The line killed ... most people seemed to laugh, and then the camera cut to Prince William and Kate Middleton in the front row. They clapped and smiled, appropriately, but watch ... they clearly knew they were on camera. BTW, Will is the President of BAFTA ... so it's kinda his show.

Of course, it's no surprise Brad went for a timely punchline in front of an audience. He's been on a comedy tour of sorts these past few weeks, joking about his single status.

Looks like that material got a bit stale, and he tried something new and decidedly British.

Chance The Rapper is featured in the first-ever TV commercial for Quibi -- a revolutionary new mobile platform -- and the funny spot is hitting the airwaves during the Super Bowl.

The commercial depicts a bank heist gone wrong, leaving the robbers with just 4 to 10 minutes to spare ... which just so happens to be the perfect amount of time to watch a Quibi.

As you can see ... the bank robbers pause mid-heist to check out Chance's revival of "Punk'd" on Quibi.

BTW ... Quibi is short for "quick bites" ... and the first-ever entertainment platform designed specifically for phones delivers episodes and movie-quality shows in 10 minutes or less.

Quibi's launching April 6, with original content from huge celebs like Jennifer Lopez, Liam Hemsworth, Zac Efron, Idris Elba, Kendall Jenner, 50 Cent, Steph Curry, Chrissy Teigen and Kristen Bell ... plus our own celebrity show with a TMZ edge.

Here's Jason Momoa like you've never seen him before ... plucking his eyebrows and reading a young adult romance novel while soaking in a bubble bath.

If that sounds like the makings of a Super Bowl commercial, then someone on Madison Ave nailed it. Aquaman got downright comfy for his Rocket Mortgage spot. He's been teasing it all week ... posting snippets, but Friday morning he gave us the full Monty.

Chill. We meant that metaphorically.

You can see Jason brushing his hair, practicing his baritone movie trailer voice, and talking to his dog in a baby voice -- all while wearing, for some reason, TWO bathrobes or just bubbles.

The 60-second ad will reportedly air during the first half of the game. The theme is something about feeling comfortable in your own home, but do you really give a crap?

It's Momoa in a tub. End of story.

Jason will get plenty of celeb competition on Super Sunday. Chris Evans, John Krasinski, Rachel Dratch and David Ortiz are all costarring in one car company's commercial.

That one's Boston themed, but again ... who cares??

Elon Musk really can do it all -- he'll be the first to tell you -- including write and perform his very own EDM song ... that's fittingly all about self-confidence.

The Tesla CEO -- who's going by E "D" M on Twitter these days -- has apparently been working hard in the studio on his new track, which is titled "Don't Doubt ur Vibe."

Musk dropped it on Soundcloud late Thursday night on his Emo G Records stream, saying ... "I wrote the lyrics & performed the vocals!!" Those lyrics consist of the title followed by "because it's true" ... which is alternated with, "because it's you," and repeated.

Genius.

The making of Elon's 4-minute EDM song must have been quite the journey, because when he first mentioned it on Twitter Thursday he said, "Just wrote a song called “Don’t doubt yer vibe" ... with a different spelling of "ur." He also stated, "this song is hard."

Finally, to make things as Musky as possible ... the Soundcloud artwork features his Cybertruck.

As you may recall ... the tech honcho also released a rap song on Soundcloud back in March -- a goofy autotune track about Harambe and Bombay gin.

Clearly, he's kicking things up a notch higher.

Here's what former President Bill Clinton won't be watching this weekend -- unless, of course, he's in the mood to laugh about his alleged ties to pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah, we don't think so either.

Bill and Hillary will be featured on "Our Cartoon President" in a scene that has him hysterically crying over Epstein's death, 5 months after the fact. Even after Hillary begs, "Get a hold of yourself" ... he's still bawling about his pal being in heaven.

THAT concept alone is hilarious.

But, watch how the ex-First couple's emotional moment gets interrupted ... by Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who's looking for some campaign advice. Bonus laughs!!! The episode airs Sunday night on Showtime.

Tom Brady is congratulating Eli Manning on his 16-year NFL career ... by wishing the N.Y. Giants quarterback NEVER won a Super Bowl!!!

Of course, Manning's 2 rings came at the expense of Brady's Patriots in dramatic fashion -- remember David Tyree?? Mario Manningham?? Yeah. Still hurts for New England fans.

Now that Eli is calling it a career, Brady gave his old foe a congratulatory tweet ... and threw in a friendly jab.

"Congratulations on your retirement, and a great career Eli! Not going to lie though, I wish you hadn’t won any Super Bowls."

Haaaa ... good one, TB12. Although, can you imagine if Manning DIDN'T win those 2 Super Bowls?? Brady would have 8 freakin' rings.

Manning is having a press conference to officially hang it up on Friday ... so that's one less QB Brady has to worry about.

Young Thug knows how to motivate the guys in his crew -- offer up a fat stack of cash ... and watch 'em go!

The "Hot" rapper was clowning around with his boys Thursday evening outside the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood when things turned into a fitness challenge ... as they often do.

Thug bet one of his pals he couldn't run up and down the street -- which is on a fairly steep hill -- and pulled out his money to show him what was at stake.

The guy accepted the challenge, and despite getting roasted for his running form -- or lack thereof -- Young Thug ponied up the dough. However, he made sure to rub it in by running the hill himself ... without all the huffing and puffing.

What makes Thug's running even funnier is the fact he's rocking super-skinny jeans

BTW, he's got a show Friday night at Avenue LA. No word if he's jogging to it.

Tony Rock has another nickname for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's decision to trade their Royal Family roles for life in Canada -- think "Coming to America" sequel ... but lighter.

The comedian was in Bev Hills Wednesday night when we asked him about "Megxit" ... he tells us it's like a real-life version of the 1988 Eddie Murphy flick where he gives up his life as a prince to find true love.

Tony describes it a little differently for Harry and Meghan, but still ... it's an apt comparison.

Chris' younger brother also tells us he doesn't think Meghan's going to get her wish for more privacy for their son, Archie ... because the kid's just way too famous. Once again, he hilariously evokes a scene from "Coming to America" to make his point.

As for the actual sequel to the classic comedy -- scheduled to open wide in theaters in December 2020 -- Rock reveals he's not involved in the project at all ... and it seems like he feels a bit snubbed.

JB Smoove had something to prove on the streets of New York -- he ain't as grouchy as Larry David is with autograph seekers, and we know this because he put pen to flesh.

We got the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" star Wednesday afternoon as he was greeted by a swarm of fans and autograph hounds chirping for signatures. JB kept it pretty real with them, saying he couldn't sign all of 'em. He held firm too.

Of course ... this reminded our camera guy, Ezra, of his costar Larry David's recent L.A. run-in with an autograph brigade that ended with a super-heated confrontation and scolding.

Ezra tried to ask JB about it, and he cut us off ... insisting he didn't have as much of a problem with it as LD does. Then, he took it a step further ... signing for Ezra -- ON HIS NECK!!!

Check it out ... it seems like the skin game brought these two fellas damn close in the end. They even made a pinky-promise of sorts to each other.

Michelle Obama is taking a wholesome approach to the new year -- clinging to the past by working out to songs that are a few to several years old ... most being curse-free.

The former first lady put out her 2020 workout playlist Sunday, and it features a bunch of oldies but goodies ... for millennials, that is. She's got songs on there that date back to 1990 all the way up to this past year. Most of her tracks are smack dab in the 2010s.

Mrs. Obama tapped stuff like "Feels Good" (1990), "Feelin' So Good Remix" (1999), "Lose My Breath" (2004), "A God Like You" (2011), "3005" (2013), "Lay Me Down" (2013), "Godspeed" (2016), "Slide" (2017), "Toast" (2018) and lots of other tracks spanning the decades.

Well, here's the weirdest "bucking" thing you'll see all day ... a teacher cracking a joke about killing a puppy in order to motivate his students to win a vocabulary competition.

Woof!

A California high school teacher named Ryan Price at Buckingham Charter Magnet was trying to get his class fired up for the "Vocab Bowl" -- in which it was leading over some rival schools -- by bringing in a brand new mascot ... an adorable puppy named Buck.

Pretty awesome method of encouragement! Except ... Mr. Price then goes on a rant about doing your "bucking vocab" and issues a threat to the kids -- if they lose the Vocab Bowl, he'll "kill the dog."