Humor

Pete Davidson seems to be over chastising misbehaved crowds at his stand-up shows -- so now, he's putting his money where their mouths are with a very expensive NDA.

According to reports, the 'SNL' star has recently been having fans sign non-disclosure agreements in order to see his live shows ... one of which was put on blast by an annoyed ticket holder who posted screenshots of the alleged document that she says was emailed to her prior to the show. It was for his SF stop right before Thanksgiving.

The woman says the agreement has strict rules -- no phones inside, and no commentary about his content in any way, shape or form thereafter, especially online.

Oh, and if ya break those rules and get found out by Pete and co. ... you're subject to a million dollar fine, plus any other expenses incurred for your conduct. The document reads, "In the event of breach of this agreement, individual shall pay company, upon demand, as liquidated damages, the sum of one million dollars, plus any out of pocket expense."

It's not uncommon for comedians to demand phones be surrendered before coming into a venue that's gonna host them ... but the million-dollar NDA seems pretty over the top.

Then again ... Pete has had issues lately with stand-up gigs, whether it's for one reason or another. And on at least one occasion, he's unloaded on his audience for crappy etiquette.

Louis C.K. rolled the dice in front of a Jewish audience with what many might consider an incredibly insensitive joke ... but it sounds like it paid off for the guy.

The comedian was performing a stand-up show Thursday near Tel Aviv, and in front of a reportedly packed house of predominantly Jewish citizens ... he cracked, "I'd rather be in Auschwitz than New York City," adding a caveat ... "I mean now, not when it was open."

For the record, Louis is part Jewish on his father's side. And, besides that, he also got a big laugh out of the crowd, according to reports. In other words, the joke landed.

A bit of context, Louis was reportedly talking about how rough it's been for him in NYC in the wake of his 2017 #MeToo scandal -- in which he admitted to years of sexual misconduct -- notably, masturbating in front of women and abusing his power in the comedy world.

The fallout for him was pretty swift and fierce -- his movie "I Love You, Daddy" got yanked from its scheduled release, and Louis went into seclusion for a while before attempting a comeback -- which has been hit or miss, but mostly miss in the court of public opinion.

On the Auschwitz joke, he was complaining about the scrutiny he receives nowadays in the city he once loved and called home, which he seems to think has gotten too PC. At one point in his set, he joked about how he gets flipped off randomly at diners and on the street.

Rihanna and Paul McCartney just proved they truly are two peas in a pod -- but in this case, they were two passengers in a plane.

The singers bumped into each other Friday while on a commercial flight to London -- in which they were both riding first class, of course. RiRi documented the whole run-in ... and it's a sweet moment. Must've also been pretty awesome for the other passengers on board.

In her vids, Rihanna says she's about to put Paul on blast ... and then jokingly asks out loud how is it possible he's on her plane. PM played along, pretending not to know her.

Rihanna calls herself a peasant, and Paul ribs her by backing that up (all in jest, mind you). Check it out ... they clearly have a ton of fun together, and it's all love between 'em. Later on, they were seen arriving at the same airport, London's Heathrow ... all smiles.

As you might be aware, Paul and Rihanna are certainly no strangers to each other. Outside of being some of the biggest names in music, they actually collab'd on a song in 2015.

D.L. Hughley's not lending any sympathy to Melania Trump after she got an unfriendly welcome in Baltimore ... because she should have known what she was getting into and, according to D.L., so should her cowardly husband.

The comedian was outside the Laugh Factory in Hollywood Tuesday night when we asked about the First Lady getting booed at the Baltimore Youth Summit before she spoke about the nation's opioid crisis.

D.L. tells us she deserved it, because her husband disparaged the city by calling it a "disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess" ... so this was a justified way of firing back.

Hughley says more importantly, the whole scenario shows how cowardly POTUS is ... because he sent his woman in to take the heat for him.

Cedric the Entertainer is getting us all in the holiday spirit ... lending his unique voice to a new Christmas album, and taking his first nutcrack at singing!!!

Cedric's already conquered the world of comedy, movies and television ... and now he's making his singing debut on the holiday EP, "A Powerbase Christmas." Ya gotta listen to his version of "Winter Wonderland."

Yes, in the tradition of Bing Crosby, Michael Buble and Johnny Mathis -- Cedric's in the meadow building a snowman ... with a bit more swag.

Give it a listen ... makes ya wonder what took Cedric so long to lay down his first vocals?

Joining Cedric on the 7-track 'Powerbase Christmas' are Grammy-nominated artists Dave Koz and Rascall Flatts' Gary LeVox -- plus Sonna Rele, Sheléa, MAJOR, Matt Cusson, Suri White, Brittany LeVox and pop-country trio Auburn Road.

Other classic tunes on the record -- which comes out on Black Friday -- include "Silver Bells," "Last Christmas" and "Christmas Time is Here." Ced doesn't sing on all of them, but he produced the whole shebang.

Here's LeBron James tearing such a ferocious fart in an Oklahoma City parking lot ... it made Chris Matthews' coffee mug blush.

There's a story here ...

LeBron and Chris Paul were leaving Mohagany Prime Steakhouse in Oklahoma City on Thursday night (one day before the Lakers played the Thunder) ... when a couple of young fans spotted the stars in the parking lot.

The fans shouted out to the NBA superstars hoping to get an autograph (they were shut down) ... but they got something better.

Bron -- wearing sweatpants -- stopped in his tracks, lifted his left leg, and blasted out an ass honk so loud, you could hear it across the parking lot.

Notice, if you will, the increase in volume and intensity as he tries to clear it out before getting inside his waiting SUV.

Not only did the fans crack up laughing (because farts are hilarious) but you can hear the guys in the car give Bron some crap for trailing it into the car.

C'mon bro ... don't hotbox the ride!!!

Of course, LeBron's farts have made news before -- when he stink bombed the Cleveland Cavs bench wayyy back in the day.

Elon Musk has a smashing success on his hands, and we mean that in the worst way possible because his new Tesla Cybertruck -- billed as shatterproof -- shattered moments after he unveiled it.

We'll say this ... if Elon isn't firing a handful of people right now, he's going soft. On Thursday at SpaceX HQ in Hawthorne, CA ... he pulled back the curtain on the Cybertruck, and had a staffer throw a metal ball at the driver side windows to prove the near-indestructibility of its "armor glass."

It couldn't have gone worse as both windows shattered. Elon seemed to vamp to find a silver lining, saying ... "It didn't go through. That's a plus side."

It was reminiscent of some of SpaceX's early Falcon 9 rocket disasters. 'Memba this one? Juuuuust a bit outside of the landing pad, and into the drink!

To be fair, the Falcon 9 works like a charm now, so maybe that bodes well for the Cybertruck's future, but calling its introduction an embarrassment is an enormous understatement.

In fact, it went sooooo badly, it smells of a setup. The question -- was Elon in on it, just to make sure the new Cybertruck unveiling went viral? OR, was Elon set up by prankster employees?

If it's the latter, like we said ... someone's looking into unemployment benefits right now.

The top 3 "Jeopardy!" contestants to ever win big are going head-to-head (to head) on TV -- and one guy who had a great run thinks he knows what sorta questions will be asked.

We spoke to Austin Rogers -- who had a 12-game winning streak in 2017 -- and he mused with us over what Alex Trebek and his crafty writers are gonna ask Ken Jennings, Brad Rutter and James Holzhauer come Jan. 7 for "Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time."

It's exactly what it sounds like -- these guys have amassed the most cash out of anyone on the show, and it's time find out who's the true king in a 3-way face-off. As for what'll be asked -- or answered, rather -- Austin tells us the "Jeopardy!" crew will get diabolical.

Fact is, Austin says the writers know exactly how to tailor the topics for these three -- and he believes they'll be throwing pop culture curveballs instead of ancient history softballs.

Check it out -- Austin even weighs in on who he thinks has an edge here among these titans of trivia, and it sounds like our boy, James, is in the driver's seat with his scattered approach in hunting for Daily Doubles ... and his go big or go home wagers.

Good luck, fellas!!!

Rep. Eric Swalwell seemed to cut the cheese live on national TV ... but the cheese, as it turns out, was apparently a studio mug.

The California congressman was doing an interview Monday on MSNBC's 'Hardball' with host Chris Matthews -- and while he was going on and on about Ukraine and alleged malfeasance by DT ... something that sounded like a loud, wet fart blasted through the airwaves.

It certainly seemed like flatulence, and Rep. Swalwell even paused a moment right afterward in what many viewed as an acknowledgment of the ripped gas. And, of course, #fartgate and #shartgate soon started to trend everywhere on Twitter as a result.

Funny enough, the official 'Hardball' account excused the noise away as someone dragging a coffee mug across a table in the studio -- which just happened to get picked up on a mic.

Swalwell was ecstatic, quickly using the network's cover as what he described as "TOTAL EXONERATION!" -- very Trump-like, right?! And yes, everyone had a good laugh over it -- Republicans and Dems alike. It might've been the most uniting thing in a while, actually.

And, for those looking to go even deeper down the rabbit hole ... some have pointed to a theory that the would-be fart actually came from Matthews. Apparently, there's a history of gas being passed on his show over the years, as one Twitter user dutifully pointed out.

Anyway, if these impeachment hearings are lacking pizzazz -- as NBC News itself noted last week -- then Swalwell (or Matthews) just dropped a much-needed fun fart bomb.

Adam Carolla thinks Joe Biden is a bit of a dinosaur trying to roam the 2019 landscape -- and when he calls weed a "gateway drug" ... AC thinks Biden's making himself extinct.

We ran into the comedian Monday night in WeHo and asked him about something JB said recently on the campaign trail that's kinda having people -- mostly millennials, frankly -- rolling their eyes and looking at the former VEEP as an old-timer and out of touch.

ICYMI ... Biden was at a Vegas town hall this weekend and got asked if his stance on legalizing recreational marijuana nationally has changed. Apparently, Joe wasn't for it in the first place, and still isn't -- saying there's not "enough evidence" to pull the trigger.

Adam notes that the term "gateway drug" is incredibly antiquated, and then goes on to list a number of things and experiences in life that can potentially lead to some damage.

Watch ... he gets pretty introspective, and it kinda makes you think about it. It should also be mentioned -- Adam sits on a weed advisory board, so he's about that life.

Dear Adam Archuleta ...

A "Dirty Sanchez" mustache isn't what you think it is -- it's WAYYYY WORSE -- and you probably shouldn't be referencing it during an NFL game ON LIVE TV!!

For those unaware, a "Dirty Sanchez" is most commonly described on Urban Dictionary as a temporary mustache wiped on to one's face ... and it's comprised of fecal matter.

In other words, it's a poop 'stache!

Good times, huh?!

Anyway, Archuleta -- former NFL star-turned-broadcaster -- was working the Bills vs. Dolphins game for CBS this weekend with Spero Dedes, when Spero asked if Adam could grow a mustache by next week.

"I could probably squeeze out maybe a Dirty Sanchez, not really a full stache," Archuleta said.

Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

Innocent mistake? Yeah, probably.

Will this haunt him for a while? Yeah, probably.

Ohio Bobcats basketball coach Jeff Boals channeled his inner Conor McGregor to celebrate a huge road win on Wednesday ... and it's an epic collection of cringe-worthy and awesome moves!!

The 'Cats are off to a hot 3-0 start under the first-year coach ... and it's safe to say the players are LOVING the new guy, 'cause they joined his locker room dance-off after beating Iona in New York, 81-72.

The video is hilarious -- there's the billi strut, shoulder-brushing and a bunch of other moves that would make Chris Brown blush.

Okay, maybe that's not true ... but it definitely looks like the boys in Athens are having a helluva time.

Boals -- a former Bobcats hooper himself -- also served as an assistant coach at Ohio State before taking the head coaching gig at Stony Brook from 2016-2019.

President Trump's impeachment hearing is turning into #paperclipgate ... because Rep. Jackie Speier is addressing witnesses while a paper clip is stuck in her hair!!!

Check out this wacky scene from Capitol Hill ... the Congresswoman from California was thanking Bill Taylor and George Kent for their testimonies when several viewers picked up on a shiny, seemingly metal object clearly visible in her 'do.

It's pretty bizarre, and most folks are convinced it's a paper clip. Sure looks like one, and that begs the obvious question -- WHY is there a paper clip just chillin' in Jackie's hair?

Look, we know this has zero impact on the real issue of Trump's potential impeachment ... but it's also hard to ignore when you see a Congresswoman rocking a paper clip on live TV!!!

Justin Bieber seems to still have Tom Cruise on his mind, 'cause he unwittingly recreated an iconic movie moment made famous by the actor ... just without as much horse power.

JB was out with his wife, Hailey, Sunday riding around L.A. on what looks like a pretty nifty bicycle, which has a seat attached on the back. Hailey was riding top shotgun, holding on about as tight as Kelly McGillis did on Tom's Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle all those years ago.

Yes, we're referring to 'Top Gun' ... and if you check out the video of Mr. and Mrs. Biebs cruising around Bev Hills, it's reminiscent of Maverick and Charlie's ride through San Diego.

Of course, Justin himself might've had to work a little harder here than TC did in the flick. The bike doesn't look or sound motorized in any way, so he was definitely pedaling his heart out to get the missus off the busy main roads ... with traffic building up behind him.

Who knows if Justin actually knew he was harkening back to the '80s here with this joyride, but we'd like to think so ... assuming he still wants to go toe-to-toe with Tom, that is.

Rip Taylor put a lot of heart into his comedic gags for decades, but ultimately heart troubles did him in ... according to his death certificate.

TMZ's obtained the document, which lists Taylor's immediate cause of death as congestive heart failure. It also lists heart disease as an underlying cause.

As we reported ... Rip passed away last month in Beverly Hills. The certificate says he died at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

We've also learned the famous comedian's ashes were to be scattered at sea off the coast of Honolulu ... no word if any confetti was involved.

Dubbed the "King of Camp and Confetti" and "The Crying Comedian," Rip will be remembered for his flamboyant style and appearance, countless appearances on talk shows and his brief stint hosting "The $1.98 Beauty Show."

He also guest-starred in flicks like "Wayne's World 2," "Indecent Proposal," "Tom & Jerry: The Movie," "Chatterbox!" and "Jackass 3D" ... and was a successful voice actor.

Taylor was 84.

"Storage Wars" star Rene Nezhoda just found a virtual pot of gold buried in a Dallas storage locker -- because it's filled with trinkets from "The Dude Perfect Show."

Rene -- who runs the Bargain Hunters Thrift Store featured on the reality show -- tells TMZ ... he and two buddies, Jeremy Hales and Justin Grimes, dropped $2,770 on a storage unit this week in Texas, and when they got inside they realized it used to belong to the super-popular YouTube stars.

"Dude Perfect" has a massive following -- 47.1 million subscribers -- so you've probably seen their insane sports trick shot videos, or recognize them from their Super Bowl commercial.

It's quite a haul for Rene ... the storage locker is filled with "Dude Perfect" props dating back to their first season -- trophies, a massive baseball mitt, the famous panda costume and more.