Humor

Drake has finally realized that if he sides with any one sports team, they'll probably lose -- so he's sending the final 4 NFL squads good vibes by equally cursing all of them.

We're kidding, of course ... and clearly, so is Drizzy. He posted a photo of himself late Saturday night wearing a sweater with patches bearing all four remaining NFL teams --the L.A. Rams, the New England Patriots, the Kansas City Chiefs and the New Orleans Saints.

He captioned his pic ... "For everyone who believes in the Drake curse good luck tmrw."

In case you're unfamiliar ... Drake has a pretty bad streak of supporting teams ... and those teams being doomed with losing records or big losses in general (just ask the University of Alabama's football team, they're his latest victim).

Drake has also supported Kentucky basketball (title-less since 2012), the Toronto Raptors (zero finals appearances), Conor McGregor (who got smashed up by Khabib) and Serena Williams (who lost at Wimbledon last year).

Pete Davidson was in good spirits on 'SNL' Saturday night and turned his personal crisis into a pretty funny bit.

During the Weekend Update segment, Pete appeared with John Mulaney and addressed the rough patch he's had, in particular, the alarming suicide threat he made back in December.

Mulaney says he spent a lot of time with Pete trying to get him back on the straight and narrow, and Pete's response will make you laugh, even though the subject is dark.

Oprah's a little late to the Drake party, but she's got her own take on his viral dance challenge that'll definitely have you feeling some type of way ... weak with laughter.

O was doing a photo shoot this weekend for the new cover of February's Oprah Magazine issue, and it looks like there'll be a spread that captures some of her best dance moves to "In My Feelings."

Her official Oprah Magazine IG account even had a message for Drizzy ... "#Drake, we think it's time to remix #InMyFeelings to, 'Op-rah, do you love me? Are you riding?'"

Her version is certainly a lot safer than other people's spin on it, and perhaps unsurprisingly ... Oprah's got some killer moves in the old tool belt!

Dave Chappelle says R. Kelly and his "goons" bum-rushed him over his famous skit mocking the singer's urination video -- but Dave's sense of humor definitely saved the day.

The comic hopped onstage at the WeHo Improv Monday night with his friend and "Chappelle's Show" costar, Donnell Rawlings. Dave revealed Kelly and his crew approached him in Chicago -- during a Common concert -- and made it clear they were, umm ... pissed about his "Piss on You" skit.

Dave says things never got physical, but he says Kelly grilled him about the skit and asked how he could possibly have done such a thing.

The irony of that question was not lost on Dave, who had the most awesome and hilarious response. Check out the video ... classic story.

Chappelle also addressed some of the criticism he's faced in the wake of Lifetime's "Surviving R. Kelly" docuseries -- saying he wants comedians to call out things that are wrong with the world, period.

Dave Chappelle was noncommittal on his feelings about some old skits that mocked some shocking behavior by R. Kelly.

We got the comic in WeHo Tuesday night leaving Craig's, and asked about his sketches from "Chappelle's Show" where he created a music video -- titled "Piss on You" -- mocking the real video of R. Kelly urinating on what appears to be a teenage girl.

Dave also did a comedy sketch on the jury selection process in the criminal trial, and used R. Kelly's scandal as material for years.

Dave said he didn't have a vivid memory of the sketches and needed a relook.

Our photog also asked if he had regrets over not participating in "Surviving R. Kelly." The show's EP, Dream Hampton, claimed Chappelle was among a number of celebs who turned down interviews.

She may not have meant to do it, but Cardi B just came up with the title of her next hit track ... "P***Y BREATHIN'!"

The rapper was riding in a car in an all-denim outfit late Tuesday night when she became, uh, uncomfortable -- especially in the crotch area -- because her pants were too tight.

She explained her plight as only Cardi can ... "I hate having p***y wedgies, bro. My p***y be screaming at me like, 'Bitch! You got me f**ked up! You want a yeast infection, bitch?"

So, you gotta watch her remedy the situation by riding bare-ass on the car seat to let her p***y breathe. Cardi can pull this off because ... she's Cardi.

The surgeon general does NOT recommend you try this in the back of an Uber. There could be serious surcharges and/or criminal charges.

This isn't the first time Cardi's been very open and honest in public about her battle with wedgies -- a couple weeks ago at a concert in New Zealand, she stopped the show and told her fans ... "I need a little break. I'm gonna be right back. I gotta take this wedgie out my ass."

The crowd loved it. So does CB's p***y.

Dave Bautista's in no position to become Chris Pratt's father-in-law, but if he keeps gushing over his "Guardians of the Galaxy" costar ... he might get asked to be Chris' best man.

We got Dave at LAX Tuesday and asked about Pratt's engagement to Katherine Schwarzenegger ... he's got nothing but nice things to say ... about Chris.

In fact, along with calling him "the best" ... Bautista tells us he wishes he was in Arnold's shoes and Pratt could be part of his family. He'd even pay big money for it.

Terrell Owens is TEEING OFF on Hall of Fame voters for keeping him out of Canton for 2 years ... calling it "ridiculous" and a "travesty" he didn't get his gold jacket in his 1st year of eligibility.

T.O. was finally voted into the HoF in 2018 -- but the dude is clearly pissed it didn't happen sooner ... sounding off on Kevin Hart's "Cold as Balls" series on Laugh Out Loud about why he got snubbed.

"That c-word ... character, which a lot of the voters kinda added to the mix of the criteria of inducting guys," Owens said.

"It should be about your body of work and your accomplishments," Owens said ... adding he got different treatment than other players because he was outspoken throughout his career.

Of course ... T.O. famously snubbed the Hall of Fame right back ... turning down his invite to the enshrinement ceremony in Canton for a more personal setting at U. of Tennessee at Chattanooga.

Michael Blackson probably should've been irate about a drunk driver smashing into his car -- but he was more flabbergasted than anything ... and we get why.

The comic was having a great Monday night at the Improv in WeHo -- he did a set with Dave Chappelle, so what could go wrong? Try your Rolls-Royce getting jacked up in a 3-car wreck!!

Michael tells us he got the news while onstage with Chappelle, and when he got outside -- it was a messed up scene, to say the least. A Maserati lost its front wheel, that wheel smashed into a Jeep Wrangler ... while the Maserati kept going long enough to smash into Mike's whip.

MB called it a miracle -- a bad one -- that the guy on just 3 wheels managed to keep rolling long enough to hit his Rolls. You really gotta see his reaction.

As for the driver, we got vid of cops giving him a breathalyzer. Law enforcement sources tell us the guy allegedly pinballed down the street, hitting several cars -- and was arrested for DUI.

Shaquille O'Neal is calling for people to back off Kevin Hart ... saying he shouldn't have to keep apologizing for his old homophobic jokes and wants everyone to "just move on."

"Some people feel he made a mistake," Shaq said ... "He apologized for his mistake. I always thought comedians were allowed to crack jokes."

"Anyone that knows Kevin Hart should know that anything he said was never malicious."

Of course, Shaq is referring to some of Hart's tweets and stand-up bits from 2009 to 2011 -- when the comic described how he'd react if he found out his son was gay.

"Yo if my son comes home & try's 2 play with my daughters doll house I'm going 2 break it over his head & say n my voice ‘stop that's gay,'" Hart tweeted in 2009.

The material resurfaced after Hart was named the host of the 2019 Academy Awards -- and after a backlash online and a demand for renewed apologies, Hart pulled out of the show and only apologized after stepping down.

"He shouldn't have to keep apologizing," Shaq said ... "He apologized twice."

"People should just move on. Everyone makes mistakes."

Of course, Shaq and Kev go way back -- Hart was a headliner Shaq's All-Star Comedy Jam back in 2009 and they've been friends ever since.

Shaq's not the only big star who's come to Hart's defense -- Ellen DeGeneres also went to bat for the comic ... backing Kev's stance that he's evolved and said it's his right to host the Oscars.

President Obama had "Luther" ... and now Manny Pacquiao has an anger translator of his own to tell us how he REALLY feels about Adrien Broner -- and it's hilarious!!!

Pacquiao is gearing up to fight Broner on January 19 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas -- and if you know Manny, you know he ain't exactly the greatest trash talker in the world.

So, he brought in his good friend, Michael Blackson, on Thursday to tell us what he REALLY wants to say about his opponent ... and yeah, there's A LOT of cussing.

For example, when we asked Manny how he felt about Broner predicting a knockout, MP politely told us, "That's easy to say but hard to do."

Okay ... but what he REALLY meant to say ... "We're gonna fuck him up! Punch him in his eye! Kick him in his nuts! That short bitch is going down!!!"

There's a lot more, it's really funny ... and obviously, salute to "Key & Peele."

Oh, one more thing -- what is Manny eating these days to gear up for the fight? Fish eyes. Seriously. He loves 'em.

Daddy Long Neck is more than just another internet sensation plotting to take over the rap game ... he's also an expert on neck -- all kinds -- and he came all the way to L.A. to pick the best celeb collars.

We got the rapper at LAX this week, and he tells us the award for the best necks in showbiz goes to 2 actresses already known for being smoke shows. Of course, for DLN it's not about their faces or their bods -- he's more of a chin to chest guy.

You probably recognize Daddy Long Neck from his viral music video with Wide Neck ... ya know, the dude who became famous thanks to insane mugshots showing off his massive neck. Their music vid's already racked up more than 1 million views.

Check out the clip ... Daddy Long Neck has hilarious messages for his fave celeb chicks, PLUS ... freshly single MacKenzie Bezos! She's got a cool $70 bil ... why not shoot your shot??

Anthony Anderson really coulda used a Swiss Army Knife after dropping a diamond in a shower drain, but since he dubbed himself "Ghetto MacGyver" ... Q-tips, dental floss and a broken comb were all he needed for the mission.

The "Black-ish" star is in Rome, where he perfectly executed "Operation Save Diamond Earring" at the Waldorf Astoria Resort. After his diamond earring went down the drain, he recorded the whole rescue effort.

You gotta watch the video ... Anthony was kinda pissed there were no wire hangers in the room to use during the operation -- but he made due with everything else he could find in the bathroom.

Anthony said he wanted the whole mission on video just in case it failed -- for insurance purposes -- but more than anything it's just entertaining to watch him try to keep a steady hand. Anyone remember playing Operation?

Anthony captioned the video, "I'm naked, wet and soapy! I did the best I could with two Q tips, a comb and dental floss to save my diamond." He included #justakidfromcompton #ghettomcgyver #diamondsareforever #adventuresinrome #rome.

Trevor Noah added an incredible piece of property to his portfolio ... because we've learned he recently dropped a boatload of cash on a baller bachelor pad.

Our real estate sources confirm Trevor plunked down over $20 MILLION for a jaw-dropping estate in Bel-Air ... and the 'Daily Show' host quietly purchased the contemporary mansion through a blind trust.

Trevor's new digs, first reported by Yolanda's Little Black Book, are pretty insane. The two-level pad is a whopping 10,044 square feet, and it's surrounded by glass walls and wraparound terraces, giving Trevor some breathtaking views of L.A.

The 1.31-acre property sits on a hillside lot in western Bel-Air, on a quiet cul-de-sac ... but there's nothing quiet about Trevor's place. The master suite is massive -- we're talking 2,200 feet -- and we haven't even mentioned the home theater, infinity pool and the 500-gallon saltwater aquarium!!!

As if that's not enough for Trevor to entertain his guests ... there are 3 other bedrooms with unobstructed views, and one is an "ultra private VIP suite" with private entrance.

Mauricio Umansky and James Harris of The Agency listed the property -- and Jonah Wilson of Hilton & Hyland repped Trevor.

Congrats, Trev!

Andy Cohen ain't about to let Johnny Law rain on his New Year's Eve plans, because the host is already gearing up for the next ball drop with a fancy new umbrella ... Times Square Alliance be damned!

We got Andy Monday in NYC and he flaunted his personalized umbrella ... bragging it would be with him for his next NYE broadcast. He also dared the now infamous Times Square Alliance to stop him.

You'll recall ... Andy threw a fit on-air during CNN's NYE broadcast last week after he claimed security ordered him to lose his umbrella in the pouring rain or risk losing the network's credentials for the next NYE show.

The Times Square Alliance fired back in response to Andy's rant, pouring water all over his claims.

Terrence Howard dismisses criticism of Kevin Hart for making homophobic jokes, saying it's all part of the job.

We got Terrance Friday at LAX and he was squarely in Kevin's corner, saying the Academy blew it by passing on him. He went on to say dredging up jokes and tweets from year's past crosses the line, and then insinuated the attack on Kevin might be racial ... pointing to recent comments by Nick Cannon that white comedians made similar homophobic jokes with no consequences.