Hot Bodies

The lord is my personal trainer, I shall not want.

Mega-televangelist Joel Osteen hit the beach in Hawaii this week for a little family vacation time with his wife Victoria, his son Jonathan, his daughter Alexandra ... and a SHREDDED SIX PACK!!!

Besides being one of the most famous preachers in the world, Osteen is also a health nut ... who dishes out diet advice on his web page. Judging by his sculpted physique, dude knows what he's talking about.

Victoria's Secret model Candice Swanepoel knows the first rule when it comes to smoking hot bikini shoots on the beach -- always wear protection ... sweet, sweet, lotion-y protection.

The pic was snapped Saturday in Saint Barts where the super model's butt ... some woman's ... hand ... sorry, where were we?

While Adriana Lima posed for a photo shoot on the beach in St. Barts, someone was actually given the very, very enviable task of making sure the super model's ample boobs were in just the right spot -- which is odd ... since there is no wrong spot for them.

Being Adriana's breast friend in the world ... where do we sign up?

While her ex-boyfriend Kasey Kahl deals with the aftermath of his drunk-and-disorderly arrest -- Vienna Girardi hung out in a bikini with her other ex-boyfriend Jake Pavelka Lee Smith in Miami on Tuesday.

In case you forgot -- Vienna stormed off "Relationship Rehab" last month, where she was hammering out issues with Kahl. Vienna was pissed because producers blindsided her with a surprise sit-down with Lee, an ex at the time.

But now, sources close to the couple tell us Vienna and Lee have since been talking and working on their relationship.

Fun fact: Lee was also the guy that allegedly sent Vienna flirty emails back when she was engaged to "Bachelor" Jake Pavelka.

You weren't the only one who Googled that smoking hot NBA cheerleader from "American Idol" this week -- THOUSANDS of other people did too ... and TMZ has learned, the massive surge in traffic crashed her manager's website.

In case you missed Wednesday's episode, the smokeshow's name is Brittany Kerr -- a cheerleader for the Charlotte Bobcats. J.Lo wasn't that impressed with her audition, but Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson eagerly handed the girl a ticket to Hollywood.

But the fanfare didn't end there ... a rep for Kerr's management company -- which hosts multiple photos of her on its website -- tells TMZ, its site was forced to shut down for hours after a massive surge in traffic crippled its servers.

But Kerr's management company wasn't the only thing affected ... photographer Jim Merrill -- who recently snapped Kerr in a bikini shoot -- tells TMZ, he had to scramble to buy additional bandwidth for his website to accommodate all the voyeurs.

Merrill tells us, he typically gets about 5,000 hits a month on his website -- but just moments after Kerr's audition, his traffic ballooned to 20,000 hits.

Rihanna was hanging by a few small threads in Hawaii yesterday -- testing the structural integrity of a tiny black thong bikini, while sunning her 23-year-old buns in the ocean ... on a paddleboard.

Whatever floats her butt.

Eva Longoria has had enough of Tony Parker, both in marriage and on her body, because she went to a famous tattoo guy Wednesday to begin the final process of 86'ing the "NINE" tattoo on her neck.

Nine, of course, is Tony's number on the San Antonio Spurs, but it's not sitting well with Eva now that she's divorced from Parker. We've learned she went to Dr. Tattoff -- the famous tattoo removal guy -- Wednesday to get all traces of the tat removed.

There were reports Eva tried to laser off the tattoo, but it didn't do the trick.

Eva will soon be clean as a whistle ... for the new guy who, by the way, accompanied her to Dr. Tattoff.

​Muscle god Chris Hemsworth celebrated the news that his gorgeous wife Elsa Pataky is pregnant with their first child just like anybody else would ... by diving down an inflatable slide off a helicopter-carrying luxury yacht with Matt Damon in St. Barts on Wednesday.

This is how Thor and Jason Bourne unwind.

Lil' Kim -- and her badonkadonk -- tried to relive some of their hip-hop heydays by droppin' it like it's hot while on stage at a party at an IMAX movie theater in Tampa this weekend.

The awards aren't until Sunday, but Playboy's Miss August 2010 Francesca Frigo showed off her gorgeous golden globes in a hot pink string bikini in Miami on Tuesday.

Legendary country diva Dolly Parton got busted last night.

The naturally talented 65-year-old showed off her trademark ginormous bosom buddies at the premiere of her new film "Joyful Noise" in L.A.

Fresh from vacationing with George Clooney, Stacy Keibler and Cindy Crawford in Mexico, Alex Rodriguez and his new girlfriend/wrestling diva Torrie Wilson continued soaking up the sun and showing off their lean, ripped physiques at his house in Miami this weekend.

Gym. Tan. Lovers.

And if that wasn't convincing enough -- here's a pic of the new couple getting nibbly in A-Rod's pool.

Eddie Cibrian enjoyed a bootyful weekend in Hawaii watching his wife LeAnn Rimes play bocce ball in an itty bitty thong bikini.

For singer Craig David, R&B stands for ripped and buff.

The ridiculously yoked 30-year-old showed off his flawless body during a shirtless run in Miami this weekend.

Even if you don't know any of his music, there's no denying he has an amazing body of work.

Lindsay Lohan is a fan of tattooing words on her body -- because just a few months after she got a Billy Joel song lyric tattooed on her rib cage ... she got a much smaller saying on her left wrist.

According to our sources, LiLo hit up a tattoo parlor on Friday night to get the work done. The impetus for the new ink, we're told, was Lindsay's feeling that she's at a great point in her life ... and she wanted to do something she'd always remember.

Our sources say Lindsay is excited for March 29 to come, because that's the day she will be done with her court-ordered community service.

Perhaps from then on, she won't do anything anyone would regret.

Dear Aida Yespica,

You lose.

Love,