Broncos' Linebacker Shane Ray HIBACHI, PLEASE! I'm a Benihana Chef Now!

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MASTER CHEF

Denver Broncos linebacker Shane Ray has a fallback plan if the whole NFL thing doesn't work out -- he's a master Benihana chef ... and he's got the certificate to prove it!

The 23-year-old donned the trademark Benihana chef hat and apron -- and got cookin' on the teppanyaki ... grillin' up everything from shrimp to fried rice!

He even did the "spin the egg" trick!

Ray's teammate, Taurean Nixon, documented the whole thing -- and though Ray was strugglin' at times ... he did well enough to get certified!

As for the food ... don't worry, he had a "real" chef standing over his shoulder making sure everything tasted delicious.

'Napoleon Dynamite' Stars Reunite ... Share Some Tots

"Napoleon Dynamite" fans rejoice -- Jon Heder and Efren Ramirez are back together for a sequel ... of sorts.

Napoleon and Pedro's reunion is kinda perfect because they did it for TOTS! But mostly for money ... they're doing a spot for a Burger King product.

It's like 2004 all over again -- awkward and hilarious, but they really should've gotten that fat lard, Tina, to show up.

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THEY'RE BACK
Burger King
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FAMOUS TOTS SCENE

Knicks to Ex Carnegie Deli Wife We Got Beef ... $97k Worth of Tix!

A New York Knicks superfan, who's also linked to another NYC landmark, is stiffing the team on her super expensive courtside seats ... according to Madison Square Garden honchos.

MSG, which owns the Knicks, just sued Terry Klein, wife of the former co-owner of the legendary Carnegie Deli, for 10 Knicks season tickets she enjoyed using -- and allegedly reselling -- during the 2015-16 NBA season. According to the docs, obtained by TMZ Sports, Terry either used or resold more than 90 percent of the tickets she was given.

Ben's Chili Bowl Beware, Donald Trump They Want to Stuff You With Chili Cheese Fries!!!

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COME ON DOWN
TMZ.com

Donald Trump gained a few lbs on the campaign trail, and a famous landmark in D.C. may exacerbate the problem in a big way.

Virginia Ali, the owner of Ben's Chili Bowl, is dead set on carrying on the tradition of stuffing the faces of presidents with greasy delectabilities. She's got her sights set on a plate of chili cheese fries and the chili half-smoke, with Donald's name on it.

She also thinks a current customer -- who's about to lose his job -- will become more of a regular.

Fogle, Guidice and Dassey Inmates Chow Down on Thanksgiving Grub

Jared Fogle, Brendan Dassey and a bunch of other famous prisoners may have given up many of their inalienable rights, but not the right to get the bird on Turkey Day.

We surveyed the landscape, and here's what the joints are offering for Thanksgiving dinner:

Brendan Dassey (Wisconsin)
The "Making a Murderer" star gets roasted turkey with giblet gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, biscuits, pumpkin pie with crust on top, veggie salad and chocolate milk.

Suge Knight (Los Angeles)
Suge's meal is similar to Dassey's, but he gets a dinner roll instead of a biscuit and a pumpkin muffin instead of pie ... and milk without the chocolate.

Kevin Gates (Florida)
The rapper also gets a traditional meal, but add corn and a fruit turnover to the spread. Sorry, no milk. Gates' prison also serves a vegetarian option of rice, beans and fruit.

Joe Giudice & Apollo Nida (New Jersey)
The 'Real Housewives' hubbies will chow down on a traditional meal, cafeteria-style, that includes stuffing and dessert.

Jared Fogle (Colorado)
The ex-Subway spokesman now eats fresh at the Federal Correctional Institution in Englewood, and he gets turkey and ham or, alternatively, eggplant/baked tofu. Colorado seems to have the best menu ... it includes cornbread dressing, corn and sweet potato casserole.

Celebrity Thanksgiving Stars Serve Up Turkey and Taters

The L.A. Mission had celebrities giving back for Thanksgiving by rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands deep in mashed potatoes and gravy.

Stars like Emmy Rossum, Ali Landry, Garcelle Beauvais and 'Walking Dead' actor Tom Payne joined current L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti and former Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa in helping serve Turkey Day meals to the less fortunate.

Even former Laker Derek Fisher got in on the action.

#GobbleGobble

Mark Cuban To Army Vet Who Got Snubbed at Chili's HOW 'BOUT MAVS SEASON TIX?!

The army veteran who was denied a free meal at Chili's on Veterans Day is getting HOOKED UP by Mark Cuban ... who just offered the guy 2 season tickets to Mavs games for the rest of the season!

Ernest Walker's story made national news -- he was dining at Chili's in Texas when the manager questioned his military service and took away his food. Walker recorded the incident on his phone.

Chili's eventually apologized -- but now, we've learned Cuban heard about the story and wanted to personally honor the vet ... so the Mavs owner made the following offer:

-- 2 season tickets to the Dallas Mavs games for the rest of the season

-- 10 bonus tickets to Wednesday night's game so Walker can bring 10 more vets!

-- 10 bonus tickets to most Mavs home games to give out to other vets and people in need

-- Cuban agreed to donate money to Ernest's campaign to feed 1 million soldiers

We spoke to Walker who says he's pumped about the offer and expressed his gratitude to Cuban when they talked on the phone earlier Wednesday.

Racist Pigs at Famous BBQ Joint Hey Waitress ... Go Back to Mexico!!

A couple of racist customers got into the 2016 political spirit by humiliating their Hispanic waitress.

The waitress is an older woman, originally from Mexico, who's been with Dallas BBQ in NYC for 25 years. She says she served a couple who spoke loudly and disparagingly about immigrants.

Things got nasty, we're told, when employees realized the couple planned to dine and dash.

The couple started cursing on their way out, and when the waitress checked the credit card receipt she discovered her "tip" ... an invite to go back to Mexico.

The owner vows to build a metaphorical wall if they try to return.

Anthony Bourdain Bites Back at Dog Meat Heckler with Perfect Comeback

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CRASHIN' THE STAGE
TMZ.com

Anthony Bourdain shut down a protester accusing him of eating dog meat in the most Bourdain way possible.

Anthony was in the middle of his live show, "The Hunger," earlier this week in San Francisco when the woman charged the stage. AB was just trying to do a little promotion for his new book, 'Appetites' ... co-authored with Laurie Woolever -- but the protester had other plans.

For some reason she was convinced he enjoys a fine cut of Fido, but the audience had Bourdain's back -- not that he needed it ... his puppy-related rebuttal is hysterical.

We got Anthony the next day and he reiterated -- he's never had a bite of man's best friend. As for the puppy line ... obviously a joke too. Hecklers beware!

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I DON'T EAT DOGS!
TMZ.com

Mick Jagger Sympathy for the Waiter ... Orders Big, Tips Bigger

Mick Jagger loosens the ol' belt when he's eating out, and doesn't skimp on gratuities ... as the staff at a high-end Chinese joint quickly learned.

Eyewitnesses at Philippe Chow in NYC tell TMZ Mick popped in earlier this week for a quick meal with a crew of 5, plus another car full of security. Mick and his buddies ordered FAT, with starter dishes like lettuce wraps, tuna tartare, chicken satays and green prawns.

Then the real food came ... with an order of Mr. Cheng's Noodles, Peking duck and the restaurant's own Baked Alaska cake for dessert.

We're told Mick and co. were very polite and quick, scarfing down their meal. The craziest part -- Mick left a tip bigger than the $478 bill ... at $500.

"If you try sometimes, you get what you need" ... said the lucky waiter.

Melania & Barron Trump Two's a Crowd Now

Melania Trump had a lunch date with her son and inadvertently created a huge scene at a popular NYC restaurant, or more simply ... she got a taste of her new life.

Melania and Barron hit up Serafina, but not before Secret Service showed up to sweep the place and warn the restaurant "she's coming." We're told restaurant staffers weren't immediately clear about who "she" was.

Moments later, the future First Lady showed up with Barron and their Secret Service detail. We're told an area was cleared around their table for some space from other patrons ... who were all wanded with metal detectors.

As for food? Melania had a Di Fabio pizza ... Barron scarfed down pasta. And little Trump wasn't truant, btw. He had the day off for parent/teacher conferences.

Wolfgang Puck Key to Great Thanksgiving ... High Carb, Low Clinton & Trump

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FORGET THE POLITICS
TMZ.com

Pay attention, Wolfgang Puck's about to pull your Thanksgiving dinner out of the fire.

The celebrity chef -- who's whipped up dishes for the Oscars, ESPYs and even Prez Obama -- served up some wisdom for the upcoming holiday. Of course, it starts with a great turkey, but Wolfgang went deeper with some advice about meal prep and, more importantly, meal talk.

Unless you enjoy a good food fight -- listen closely to the master chef.

Krispy Kreme Sued You Got Berry Dishonest Donuts And Where's the Maple?

Krispy Kreme's maple and berry filled donuts are actually full of crap, according to a new class action lawsuit.

Jason Saidian just filed the suit after getting an order of Glazed Raspberry Filled, Chocolate Iced Raspberry Filled, Maple Iced Glazed and Glazed Blueberry Cake donuts. Sounds like a party, what could go wrong?

In the docs, Saidian says his order was packed full of imitation ingredients, like "blueberry gumbits." He's pissed because he thinks KK falsely advertised, and knows how to make the real deal -- the Glazed Lemon Filled and Glazed Strawberry Filled have 100% real fruit.

Saidian's looking for $5 million on behalf of all Krispy Kreme faithful who've had a berry filled, maple flavored lie pulled over their eyes.

Chad Johnson Dating Advice For Broke Dudes ... McDonald's Is The Answer

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GO TO THE GOLDEN ARCHES
TMZSports.com

If you're broke as a joke but still looking to get your swerve on with the ladies ... listen up ... Chad Johnson -- self-proclaimed frugal guru -- is gonna tell you how to be a low cash Casanova.

We got Chad out in NYC and, since he claims to be such a penny-pincher (dude drives a smart car), we decided to do all our financially-challenged brothers a solid and get some advice on their behalf.

Check out the clip -- Chad says there is one key to romancing on restricted funds ... McDonald's ... and the reasons he gives aren't half bad, to be honest.

Keep dropping the knowledge, Chad ... we're loving it.

Jared Fogle's Ex-Wife I Was Totally in the Dark Until FBI Raid

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LAST TO KNOW
CBS

Jared Fogle was a devious master at keeping his double lives separated ... according to his now ex-wife who's speaking out about his child porn conviction for the first time.

Kathleen McLaughlin says she was completely shocked the day FBI agents barged into their Indiana home with search warrants. She told "CBS This Morning" ... "He had 2 lives going on. He was able to keep those 2 very separate in a way I couldn't even fathom."

TMZ broke the story ... Kathleen sued Subway, accusing the sandwich giant of using him as its pitchman despite knowing he was a pedophile.

Anthony Bourdain To Hungover Cubs Players: WEED IS YOUR FRIEND

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PUFF AND CHEW
TMZSports.com

Hey Cubbies ... still super hungover from Wednesday night's champagne-fueled World Series rager??

Anthony Bordain's got a delicious cure -- and the key is marijuana.