Susan Lucci -- Card Carrying GILF
She's on the current season of "Dancing with the Stars" -- but the only dance our photog wants to do with the 20-time Daytime Emmy loser is the horizontal mambo.
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Shannon Elizabeth's Murderous Pooch
Shannon Elizabeth is harboring a killer! Well, not exactly. But her dog did kill a poor defenseless puppy.
Try to follow this one. Derek Hough's mom blogged that one of Shannon's four dogs killed her daughter Katherine's maltese teacup puppy. Shannon tried to make amends by giving Derek's sis a rescue "replacement" pup.
Turns out this is a big no-no in the animal activist world -- which Shannon should know, since she founded her own dog rescue org.
Now here's the kicker. Katherine Hough has 86'd the pup and given it to her "DWTS" sis Julianne. But Julianne can't keep the dog so she's looking for a new home on her own blog.
As they say ... screw the pooch.
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Lance: I Have Lots of Making Up to Do
Lance Bass thinks Obama is a bad ass -- and clearly it takes one to know one, check out that eye liner!
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Ric Flair Misses Spandex -- Demands Tango
"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair was so pissed off in L.A. last night -- that he whipped out his guns, verbally bashed a celebrity and most shockingly -- busted out an impromptu song and dance?!
The guy who recently got a black eye from his daughter and her BF -- he says everything is great now -- is furious that he got dissed by "Dancing with the Stars," and now he's taking out his anger on some poor Sapp ... named Warren.
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Toni Braxton: My Ta-Tas Can Drink!
She turned 41 last night, but Toni Braxton cracked "parts of her turned 21."
Good joke. Wonder where she heard that one.
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Geritol Only Goes So Far
9:30 PM is waaaaay past Cloris Leachman's bedtime -- and from the looks of it last night, she wasn't waiting to get home.
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They're Dropping Like Flies
"Dancing with the Stars" Maurice Greene was limping into Coco de Ville last night after the show. But is he hurt, or does he just want to fit in?
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Kim K: Coming Back -- My Ass
So there's a rumor out there that Kim Kardashian may be back on "Dancing with the Stars" after Misty May tapped out with an Achilles tendon injury.
Here's what we know. Kim is flying back from New Orleans tomorrow. Our source in the know says she's coming home "to meet with ABC execs about her future with the show."
Here's the weird part: We're told KK's partner, Mark Ballas, has not been contacted about coming back.
Stay tuned ...
Helio's Chance At Dance Takes Taxing Toll
Apparently an orange jumpsuit and sequins just don't match. Helio Castroneves latest indictment may cause him to lose his chance to dance.
TMZ sources close to "Dancing with the Stars" have told us that Helio was tapped for a visit to the "DWTS" ballroom to perform later in the season, but with his latest legal struggles that's probably not going to happen.
Many crew members were shocked with the latest accusations and have attempted to contact Helio to give their support.
As for the performance -- its still tentatively scheduled, but the show may want to get John O'Hurley on speed dial just in case.
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Misty May Be Off "DWTS"
Misty May-Treanor's mantle may only big enough for her gold medals, now that she may be forced out of "Dancing with the Stars" due to an injury during a Friday rehearsal.
Treanor was practicing with partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy, when she had to be taken to Cedars Sinai hospital.
ABC has released a statement regarding Misty's condition, "Dancing with the Stars contestant Misty May-Treanor sustained an injury on Friday and received immediate medical attention. Despite previous reports, she did not break her ankle. She is resting comfortably at home. Doctors will reevaluate her condition on Monday and determine the outcome of her participation on the show."
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Bruce Jenner Backhands Kimmy K
He was trying to give his stepdaughter a compliment, but all Bruce Jenner did was confirm everyone's assumption that Kim Kardashian is a spoiled rich girl who "never competed for anything in her life."
Adding that his BFF was the casting director for "DWTS" didn't help her out much either.
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Karina -- Pole Dancing with the Stars?
She's got the perfect stripper name, but Karina Smirnoff is no exotic dancer.
Mario Lopez's ex got our photog all worked up when she got out of her car in front of the Body Shop strip club -- but she wasn't there for the g-strings.
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Jeff Ross Dancing with Amnesia
Being eliminated before an 82-year-old hip-shaking (and breaking) dinosaur is embarrassing -- so no wonder Jeff Ross is already playing dumb about ever appearing on "Dancing with the Stars" in the first place.
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Warren Sapp -- Diva? What Diva?
Our photog was brave enough to ask the ginormous Warren Sapp about being the hissy fit throwing diva on the "Dancing with the Stars" set -- his reaction was priceless.
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Toni Braxton: Don't Throw Me a Pity Party
Toni Braxton battled heart disease before heading to the mambo boot camp known at "DWTS" -- but she wants to make one thing clear: She's a survivor, not a victim.
Clueless Pap Defies Darwinism, Survives O'Hurley
When we're wrong, we admit it -- but the stupid questions we threw at John O'Hurley in front of the Ivy yesterday were downright disastrous and he really let us know it.