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We've learned Heidi has picked Jodeane Farrell to handle her divorce and this lawyer isn't playing games ... she's already taking steps to get the quickest divorce possible in California.

Farrell -- who has practiced as a family law specialist for 24 years and currently handles divorce mediations -- will be setting up a meeting with Heidi and Spencer in approximately two weeks. We're told both Heidi and Spencer want the divorce mediated -- meaning the two will try and hash out a property settlement privately, wait the six months required by California law, and end their marriage.

Heidi wants Farrell to be the mediator, provided Spencer is down with it. Farrell has close family ties with the Montag family, but she tells TMZ she doesn't think there will be a problem in mediating the deal.

Farrell plans to meet with Heidi and Spencer together, and if he's on board she'll schedule a meeting with their accountant to go over assets and liabilities.

And Farrell says ... so far things are "very amicable" between Heidi and Spencer.

First off -- yes, we're just as shocked as you are that they're still together --seeing how Shayne and TheDirty.com founder Nik Richie tied the knot HOURS after they met back in April.

But since the relationship seems to be working out, Lorenzo has agreed to fly out to Scottsdale, Arizona to spend Father's Day with his daughter and his new son-in-law.

We're told Nik plans to go all out for the family gathering -- booking a fancy dinner, massages, and even a night of clubbing at a place called the Pussy Cat Lounge.

Jesse spoke with Harvey Levin this morning and said he already has a house in Austin, but needs to finish up a History Channel special with the network. Part of the special shows Jesse's time on a kibbutz in Israel.

Jesse says the "first and foremost" reason for moving is because his children love Sandra and want that relationship to continue.

Jesse says he will continue working at West Coast Choppers part-time in Long Beach, but he will work full-time in Austin at the Austin Speed Shop.

As for any future relationship with Sandra, Jesse says, "Whatever happens, happens."

The Bel Air home is 5,214 sq. ft. ... has 4 bedrooms ... and it comes with one of the most baller pools we've ever seen.

While Ron Artest was busy drowning in vodka, sources say Lamar -- who had been battling the flu all week -- made a beeline home because he and Khloe weren't feeling too hot.

To make matters worse -- we're told Khloe had to wake up at 5:30 AM for a photoshoot ... so a night out on the town was a complete impossibility.

Some guys who own a building are pissed off that it was featured on "The Millionaire Matchmaker" ... they say because the show is "trashy." As for the host, they say she's "crude and sexist."

The owners of the Venice, CA building claim in the lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court and obtained by TMZ ... the prior owner made a deal with the show in 2007 to shoot the exterior, to make it look like the action on the show was happening there.

The plaintiffs say they bought the building in 2008, painted it, and were shocked to see their fresh facade on Seasons 2 and 3.

The new owners say they don't want their building associated with "a trashy show."

To prove the show is trash, the plaintiffs quote host Patti Stanger -- also a defendant -- making lewd comments, such as, "The penis does the picking" and "One good orgasm, and it destroys the entire bunch."

Among the topics Elin will study: sexual disorders, addiction ... and something she might be a little familiar with -- impulse disorders.

We've learned Jesse's lawyer is going to court Friday morning, armed with evidence that his ex-wife Janine Lindemulder is a hard-core drug addict and cannot be trusted with unmonitored visitation.

The judge in the custody battle issued an order last week, allowing Janine to have unmonitored visitation. We're told Janine was supposed to see Sunny yesterday but Jesse refused to hand over the 6-year-old girl because he felt she would be at risk.

After Lohan's old assistant quit earlier this month, multiple sources have confirmed that LiLo reached out to her agent Nick Styne to help find a replacement ... and she asked specifically for a male.

We're told Styne scoped out his office and found an eager sap intern looking for an opportunity -- and the dude agreed. As Lohan's assistant, we're told the dude was promised two days off per week and paid vacations.

TMZ has obtained a document that one of Tiger's people filed with local authorities -- informing them that Woods will be erecting a private tennis facility on the property within the next year.

Over the past few months, Woods has been on a renovation kick -- building all sorts of awesome stuff at the home ... like a practice golf course, multiple pools, and even an oxygen therapy room.

TMZ has learned Gov. Bill Richardson personally performed the ceremony Tuesday at the Governor's mansion -- at the request of the happy couple.

A rep for the politician tells us it was "the first time that Governor Richardson has performed a wedding ceremony." So far, we're told, the reviews have been good.

Harrison and Calista had been dating for almost 8 years.

Jamie McCourt claims Dodger owner Frank McCourt has not paid her the court-ordered support totaling $637,159 a month.

Frank is claiming Jamie owes him millions, so he's not forking over any money until they're even.

Jamie has told the court yet again, it costs her almost a million a month just to get by. The Holmby Hills home costs $202,715 a month. And then there's the Beverly Hills home that costs $9,007 a month. And then there's the Malibu home -- $88,106 a month. And then there's the other Malibu home -- $151,054 a month.

And then there's the Cape Cod ditty -- $93,279 a month. And Willowbend -- a modest $5,048 a month. And Vail -- $7,784. And Cabo $2,530.

And there are personal expenses of $55,782. And political and charitable contributions totaling $17,840 a month. And professional fees -- $30,837 a month.

Short story -- Living expenses total $709,332. And then there are Dodgers "perquisites" totaling $285,137. Jamie's monthly tab -- $994,469.

Rich people's problems.

TMZ broke the story ... Devon filed legal papers in Florida Thursday afternoon. She does not believe her mother's claim -- that a 2002 DNA test proves another man is the father of Austin Brinling.

Alleged mistress #15 filed legal docs in Manatee County, Florida, asking a judge to determine the paternity of Austin Brinling, her 9-year-old son. James filed the action under her legal name, Melinda Jannette. The respondent on the petition is Elderick [sic] Woods.

According to documents attached to the petition and obtained by TMZ, the legal action is designed to "establish paternity, parental responsibility, time-sharing, and/or child support of a minor child or children." The document goes on: "This means that you are trying to legally establish who is the father of the child."

As we first reported, James' mother (who currently has custody of the boy) claims a DNA test was performed in 2002 and showed another man was the daddy.

James does not believe her mother really has any DNA results and her rep tells us she wants to force Tiger to submit to DNA testing.

TMZ spoke with a rep for the STAPLES Center in L.A. -- where the deciding game between L.A. Lakers and the Boston Celtics is scheduled to go down -- and we're told the arena bans ALL noisemakers, "so if you bring a vuvuzela you would not be able to bring it in with you."

Ironically, the ban doesn't seem to include thundersticks -- every foul shot shooter's nightmare -- which arena ushers hand out at halftime.

TMZ has obtained the 911 call made right after someone saw Charlie Sheen's Mercedes-Benz go rolling into a ditch earlier this week.

Charlie did not make the 911 call -- it was made by a guy who claims he witnessed the car drive off the cliff early Tuesday morning. The witness says he went from Mulholland Drive to Ventura Blvd. -- roughly 3 miles away -- and used a pay phone to call 911.

It's a little weird that the man would drive all the way down to Ventura Blvd. and use a pay phone ... instead of just using a cell phone.

Sources tell TMZ another car from a nearby gated community was also stolen around the same time ... and the 2nd car was taken to exact spot where Charlie's car rolled off the cliff.

The operating theory is that the thieves were planning on rolling the 2nd car down the hill -- but they were scared off before they could do it.

However, up to this point -- cops have not established a clear connection between the two thefts.

As TMZ previously reported, Sheen's car was taken from his Hollywood Hills home in the early hours of June 15 -- and was discovered a short time later in a ditch off of Mulholland Drive.

It was the second time one of Charlie's rides was allegedly taken for a joyride and then ditched.