Simon Cowell -- Seacrest Underwent Transplant

Simon Cowell claims his pal Ryan Seacrest is part of a major, expensive cover-up -- as in, the keeper of the frosted tips is going bald!?

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Fantasia Appreciates 'Nice Butts'

Fantasia Barrino loved being compared to Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Lopez yesterday at LAX -- butt we weren't talking about her singing!

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"Idol" Janitors -- Spade Is the Enemy!

David Spade tried to stealthily dispose of his gum under his seat on the "American Idol" set last night -- not a good idea when you're sitting directly behind a judge who's telling a dawg how it is....

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Paula on Stalker -- My Chihuahua Helped Me Cope

Paula Abdul knows a little something about stalkers -- and last night outside Koi, she had some advice for Shawn Johnson: Surround yourself with family, friends, security ... or even chihuahuas.

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Fan-tush-ia Barrino Tests the Power of Spandex

It ain't bad to be "American Idol" alum Fantasia Barrino right now ... girl says she's got a job, a couple of homes -- and a booty that just won't quit!!!

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Take a wild guess which of the above our cameraman was most excited about.

Blake Lewis: Record Breaker

"American Idol" loser Blake Lewis has learned a good lesson: If you can't make money singing your own songs ... play someone else's!

After opening for techno king Darude, the 27-year-old beat boxer spun at a spring break event in Clearwater, Fla. this weekend. He's the next Kelly Clarkson Samantha Ronson!

On a bright note, tix to see Blake did cost $20 more than Taylor Hicks' show in West Hollywood last week.

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Simon Blows Wad on Hair

We hope Simon Cowell was joking when he said he spends $300-$400 a week on haircuts -- because charging anything more than $10 for that is flat-out robbery.

Cops, Drunk Chicks ...and Taylor Hicks?!

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Craziness exploded in Hollywood last night -- and it all went down mere inches from our cameraman ... and some guy named Taylor Hicks.

The drama started after Taylor's show at the Roxy -- which the "American Idol" WINNER(?) performed in front of an audience of people who got their tickets for free because nobody would pay actual money for them.

The cops came, the cops helped a drunk chick, and then the cops got back in their car, flipped on the sirens and chased after something else. It was super intense, but we only caught bits of it ... because, for some completely unknown reason, our guy thought keeping the camera on Taylor Hicks would provide better material.

Even Taylor Hicks knew Taylor Hicks couldn't compete with that.

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Taylor Hicks Tickets -- Totally Worthless

It's not a charity show, it's not a fundraiser ... Taylor Hicks concert tickets have now been reduced to a whopping $0.00 -- and it still hasn't sold out. Soul Patrol!

The season five "American Idol" winner was originally scheduled to perform at The Roxy on Sunset tomorrow night -- for $36.50 a ticket. But in the last few hours, a bunch of tickets wound up on goldstar.com -- a website which claims to offer ticket discounts because, "Not every show sells out, so instead of letting seats go empty, venues list them with us to sell to our members."

Now, instead of offering the usual half-price discount, Hicks tix are being given away for nothing ... nada .. zip ... zilch ... except an $8.75 service fee.

Still too much?

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Kelly Clarkson Singing for Two?

After Kelly Clarkson performed on "American Idol" last night, our mailbox was flooded with peeps saying she looked pregnant.

Either way, she rocked her performance.

Carly Smithson -- Amateur Butt Cleaner

It's only been a few months since "American Idol" loser Kimberly Caldwell broke up with David Cook, but she's already found another "Idol" wannabeen to look after her ass: Carly Smithson.

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The A.I. castoffs rolled up to Apple in West Hollywood last night, and before they went inside, our cameras caught Carly cleaning "the fluff" off of Kim's butt.

Hey, at least she's got a job!

Paula Abdul -- Rush Rush ... to the Bathroom!

Paula Abdul usually does a good job embarrassing herself on her own, but last night she had some help -- from a dude who told her he'd be picking up some "diarrhea medicine" for her on the way home.

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That's what friends are for.

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1-866-IDOLS-PORN

The folks over at "American Idol" have hit a XXX snag by upping the final 12 to 13 this year. Turns out the sequenced telephone number for contestant 13 is already in use -- by a phone sex company.

"A.I" only owns twelve numbers (1-866-IDOLS-01 through 1-866-IDOLS-12) -- the prescient porn company snatched up 1-866-IDOLS-13.

The "Idol" brass had to scramble -- they'll reveal the number for contestant 13 tonight.

Meanwhile, there's a whole bunch of hot-sounding ladies waiting for your call...

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Simon Cowell -- Cop Stop Was "Embarrassing"

Simon Cowell admitted his incident with a Beverly Hills cop last week was "slightly embarrassing" -- but we already knew that, 'cause when we brought it up last night, his face instantly turned bright, bright red!

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Simon was out at Beso for dinner with ex-GF Terri Seymour last night -- but they left in separate cars.

Just friends?

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Simon Cowell Plays Dumb Really Well

Apparently, they don't have seat belts in England. Or at least that was Simon Cowell's excuse when a Beverly Hills cop pulled him over for not buckling up this weekend.

Fortunately for Cowell, the cop was a fan who fell for his old British charm and let him go without a ticket -- but not before stopping traffic to strike up a conversation about the other "American Idol" judges he's pulled over in the past. We're not kidding.

It seems like Simon even attempts to warn him about discussing such things on camera, but hey, it's Beverly Hills ... and nobody got hurt.

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Cop Forces Simon to Idle

Simon Cowell saves his charm for when it counts -- he apparently talked his way out of a ticket!

This pic shows the "American Idol" judge in the clutches of a Beverly Hills cop this afternoon. The PD told us it was a "non-event traffic stop" and no citation was issued.

We're thinking the violation was for putting a 4th judge on the show. It really sucks.

UPDATE: TMZ has learned that Simon didn't have his license and wasn't wearing his seat belt while being stopped. He was not cited.

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