American Idol

The British loudmouth left Ago last night with an open Heineken bottle in hand. Law enforcement tells us Simon could have been ticketed for illegally drinking in public. At least he wasn't Lohaning driving.

Danny and Ross managed to assassinate the Joan Jett classic "I Love Rock N' Roll," while karaoking aboard Rosie O'Donnell's "R Family Vacations" cruise. Although Danny tried to put some effort into the song, Ross made the whole thing a big joke, and proudly posted it on his blog.

Happy Friday, everyone!

A TMZ spy was at the taping of "Idol Tonight" on the TV Guide Channel, where wannabeen David Hernandez was pumping Justin Guarini for advice during commercial breaks. Justin was overheard telling the former stripper, "The sky's the limit man, just get it while it's hot" and encouraging him to "make decisions for yourself."

If all else fails, "Idol Tonight" could always use a third "AI" reject host.

Danny hit up Oasis nightclub in Upland, Calif. for their weekly Drag Idol contest and posed with one of the fierce hot tranny mess contestants.

Despite looking like a Jessica Alba impersonator, Danny did not enter the competition.

Season 6 "A.I." wannabeens Melinda Doolittle and Chris Richardson ('memba them?) are realizing that life post-"Idol" can be cold -- ice cream cold!

With their music careers frozen, Melinda and Chris are making ends meet by shilling ice cream as part of a Dreyer's ice cream national promotional tour -- at Vons, Stop & Shop and Winn-Dixie! "Idol" loser in aisle three!

Kristy Lee and Ramiele need not worry about their future -- somewhere there's a Safeway (or a local balloon festival, outlet mall or housing development) waiting for them!

TMZ sources tell us that Siriano designed Season 2 "Idol" wannabeen Kimberley Locke's dress for her performance on the show tonight. Eat your emaciated heart out Posh!

Now if only Christian could make something for Paula -- and stop her from looking like a hot tranny mess!

A well-placed TMZ spy tells us Simon went after David's dad, Jeff, for the kid's song, "You're the Voice" by John Farnham. Simon said, "I don't think that is you at all and I'd be amazed if you chose the song yourself." Our spy says Simon was blaming the fiasco on daddy dearest, adding, "It's exactly where the gun was being aimed."

As TMZ first reported, Jeff Archuleta is the ultimate nightmare stage dad who was so bad when David was a contestant on "Star Search," he got banned from the lot.

Almost no one even heard of the song David sang. Simon said it sounded like David was singing something at a theme park -- which would make Daddy Jeff a real Dumbo.

Influenza is turning out to be a bigger threat to "American Idol" than DUIs, stripper scandals or the massacring of Beatles songs!

Sources tell TMZ since this season's nasty flu has infected contestants, their family members and show staff more than ever, a meeting was called to warn the "Idols" about being aware of who they come in contact with, ways to protect their voices and how to try to avoid catching the virus. Wash your hands, wannabes! We're told that some contestants have really taken it seriously and even be spotted wearing medical masks. The return of SARS!

Last night, the flu may have caused Ramiele's voice to go "bye bye"-- tonight we'll find out if she will!

He also said who'd be the next voted off "Idol" -- you won't be happy with the answer.

'Memba Josiah Leming, the "A.I." contestant who lived in his car? Our record industry sources tell us Warner Bros. Records has offered him a record deal. It hasn't been signed yet ... but it's "close."

The stripperific "AI" castoff couldn't believe that we were there to greet him outside his hotel -- not the Peninsula or the St. Regis, BTW -- but he was particularly piqued when we asked about Carly "The Irish Girl" Smithson and those pesky preggers rumors.

Though he hates "AI," Stein was a judge on "Star Search" back in 2003 -- when David was named Junior Vocal Champion!

We caught up with Hernandez on his way into town, and when we pressed him about his tryout, all he would say was that he was auditioning for a show called "Lease." ("Lease" ... "Rent" ... Is he really making a "Team America: World Police" ref? You decide.)

Arizona Dave also seemed a little bewildered by the big city, prodding random strangers for help finding a car and asking a Hasidic Jew whether he was a "Pilgrim."

The bangin' blonde has her own sandwich to tempt the tummys of the locals. With the way the judges are respoding to her performances, she may be back to slingin' these specials soon!