J.K. Simmons isn't someone with whom you want to play musical chairs ... the Oscar nominated "Whiplash" star says there's only one situation where throwing furniture at people works.

Simmons is cleaning up this awards season for his role as the ball-busting Terence Fletcher in the film ... but our photog found out, he doesn't agree with his character's teaching methods.

It doesn't sound like it was inspired by any teachers he had growing up, but he thinks Fletcher's "methods" only fly in one place.

With the 87th Academy Awards upon us, take a look back at a few of the famous faces who took home the golden guy in the early years.

Check out the 9 most famous guys who share Tinseltown's favorite name!

The video was shot late last year but we're told by people who have been at the venue the conditions were unchanged as recently as 5 days ago.

We're told the Heath Dept. last inspected the Dolby in June and gave it a clean bill of health.

We contacted managers at Dolby, but so far no word back.

"Birdman" may win in the main auditorium, but The Fly wins at the bar.

Celebrities already have money, fame and power ... but Hollywood's elite may soon have the ability to read your mind -- at least according to the woman behind one of the weirdest Oscar gifts of all time.

The Academy Awards gift bag this year contains all sorts of expensive items -- like a train ride through the Rockies and a year's worth of All-Audi A4 rentals -- but one item stands out most ... a session for mind reading techniques worth $20K.

Olessia Kantor -- who will fly out to the celebrity's location -- tells us she'll analyze their dreams/horoscopes ... and claims she can teach famous people how to read minds.

Some of her methods may sound crazy -- like daily staring exercises, thought concentration techniques and hours of mind power training -- but has a psychic ever sounded sane?

"Selma" star Tim Roth says his black co-stars deserved to be nominated for an Academy Award this year ... period.

Roth was heading into the White House for a special screening of the movie courtesy of the Prez ... when he told our photog how he feels about the absence of Academy color.

Cheryl Boone Isaacs is the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences ... so you would think she'd know there is no cinematographer by the name of Dick Poop, but you'd be wrong.

Isaacs had an embarrassing gaffe during Thursday morning's announcement of this year's Oscar nominees. She was reading off the names of the nominees for Best Cinematography when she mistakenly referred to Dick Pope as ... well, you know.

CC Sabathia took the celebrity chef craze to a new level for his 33rd bday party -- because the whole thing was catered by Three 6 Mafia member (and Oscar winner) DJ Paul ... TMZ Sports has learned.

The party for the Yankees pitcher was insane -- it all went down at Phil Maloof's mansion in L.A. back in the Summer ... and we're told it was packed with superstars like Joba Chamberlain, Derek Jeter, Carl Crawford and Chris Brown.

But according to multiple sources, the best part was the food -- and the man responsible was DJ Paul ... who moonlights as a private chef for a TON of famous people when he's not in the studio.

"I'm good friends with the Maloofs," Paul tells TMZ Sports ... "A lot of times they'll pay me to come cook for their celebrity parties ... which, with them, is often."

Paul says he's rocked the kitchen for stars like Michael Phelps, the New England Patriots, the Yankees, Dodgers and more.

So, what was on the menu for CC's bash?

"I made spaghetti with a vodka marinara, barbeque chicken, sausage, ribs, carne asada," Paul said ... "Chris Brown went crazy over the spaghetti with the vodka sauce."

Paul says his celebrity friends are usually shocked when they notice him in the kitchen at the A-list parties he caters -- "The first thing people say is, 'Oh s**t, this is good! Did you really make this?'"

He adds, "I love cooking. I'm from Memphis, Tennessee. All we do is eat ... eat and get diabetes."

Andrew Garfield is blaming Oscars producers for devastating 5-year-old Batkid -- whose surprise Academy Awards appearance with the "Spider-Man" star was 86d at the last minute -- insisting he's not the one who bailed on the boy.

There are reports Garfield threw a tantrum when producers rejected the script he wrote for the presentation -- and left 5-year-old Miles Scott high and dry -- but reps for the actor tell us, it's not true.

The reps say Garfield DID contribute to the presentation script, but he had nothing to do with the segment getting yanked from the broadcast.

They say Garfield and Scott did the dress rehearsal Saturday without a hitch -- it was a real tearjerker too -- but hours later, Garfield was informed via email that the piece didn't fit with the tone of the show ... and therefore had to be cut.

Selena Gomez isn't falling for Justin Bieber's old tricks anymore ... she's exercising her rehab knowledge and slamming the door shut on any future relationship.

Sources close to Selena tell us ... Selena scoffed at Biebs' Instagram photo of her at an Oscars party with the caption, "Most elegant princess in the world." Sorry J.B. ... we're told she laughed out loud when she saw it, saying it was stupid and childish.

Selena's party line ... she went to rehab to get over Justin and it worked. The reality ... she went to rehab for booze and weed. Good luck, Selena.

Robert Lopez struck a pose that said ... "SUCK IT" ... right after his Oscar win put him in an exclusive club with the likes of Mel Brooks and Whoopi Goldberg.

Gotta love the bravado ... Lopez flashed his big swinging statuette to reporters and photogs backstage shortly after he and his wife won the Oscar for Original Song for "Let It Go" from "Frozen."

Robert's got reason to brag ... he's now one of 12 people to ever earn the elusive EGOT -- winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony -- and he did it in 10 years ... way faster than anyone else.

Crack-smoking enthusiast and Toronto mayor Rob Ford actually believes he stands a chance at re-election this fall -- in fact, he claims he's given up his partying ways ONCE AND FOR ALL ... to focus on politics.

Shortly before his train wreck "Jimmy Kimmel" interview Monday, Ford spoke to fans outside his Hollywood hotel -- saying his party days are done.

Liza Minnelli didn't like the joke Ellen DeGeneres cracked about her at the Oscars ... suggesting she was actually a drag queen.

Liza and a male companion hit up Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood Monday night ... and Liza made it clear -- Ellen's joke backfired big time.

Liza's note to Ellen: She should have stopped and acknowledged they were friends, but instead Ellen blew through to the next joke, so it sounded mean.

But Liza says she's sure Ellen was filled with the best of intentions.

Ellen DeGeneres does NOT own the picture that broke Twitter ... unless he signed his rights away, the owner of the famous Oscar pic is BRADLEY COOPER.

Here's the way it works ... the person who owns the now-famous photo is the person who actually took it ... NOT the person who owns the camera or organized the shoot.

Cooper was the snapper ... so it's his.

And even if Ellen signed her rights over to the Academy when she signed her hosting gig, the Academy would have no rights to the photo, because Ellen can't transfer what isn't hers.

So unless Bradley signed his rights away to the Academy, he's the copyright owner. Any use of the pic without his permission is a violation of the copyright.

He seemed down with tweeting it out, so Ellen is cool. But any use of the pic on TV shows -- including hers -- would only be kosher with Bradley's blessing. And he'd own the rights to any reproduction.

It all translates into cash. It could come in handy if that "Hangover" money runs out.

Answer: The Oscars red carpet is the most awesomely hysterical event!
Question: What is something no one's ever said in the history of anything?

Yeah, having a bunch of celebs isn't enough to make the annual pre-show funny -- but we have a simple solution. Pay attention, Academy!