The Oscars

Answer: The Oscars red carpet is the most awesomely hysterical event!
Question: What is something no one's ever said in the history of anything?

Yeah, having a bunch of celebs isn't enough to make the annual pre-show funny -- but we have a simple solution. Pay attention, Academy!

Toronto's crack-smoking Mayor Rob Ford is never done campaigning -- not only did he throw down big money to party with hot chicks in Hollywood after the Oscars last night ... he actually handed out Ford-themed commemorative magnets to his female admirers.

Actress/socialite Meredith Thomas tells TMZ, she and a friend ran into Ford at the post-Oscars bash at the W Hollywood -- where they found him chilling in his own private cabana by the pool.

Thomas says she asked Ford for a photo and he obliged -- then handed her and her friend a Rob Ford Mayor magnet and a business card. Thomas says Rob asked her to stick around, but she declined.

As for Ford's poolside cabana -- it didn't come cheap. We're told the average price for cabanas Sunday night was $2,500 a pop, including booze.

Magnets attract ... but they also repel.

As you may recall ... JLaw pulled off an epic photobomb on Taylor Swift during the Golden Globes this year(photo below.)

Anne Hathaway -- or her wax figure (we're still not sure) -- seems to be amused ... or, maybe she's annoyed ... hard to tell.

Congrats Jared!

Justin Bieber just can't quit Selena Gomez ... he lustfully posted pics of his ex-GF at an Oscar party ... even though he's 2000 miles away in Atlanta

The pic shows Gomez at the Vanity Fair party last night in West Hollywood -- where she showed up in a gold, beaded Pucci gown -- with the caption, "Most elegant princess in the world."

Could be Justin's just jonesing for his old life in L.A. -- which once included Selena?

The feeling may not be mutual ... Gomez -- who went to rehab in Jan. partly over her Bieber addiction -- has kept her distance from Justin and his new crew.

Big Mama's & Papa's pizza joint was actually the big winner at the Oscars -- it got more than $10 million in publicity and didn't have to pay a penny -- in fact, they actually got paid.

A single spot on the telecast ran for around $1.8 million ... according to Variety. We timed it out ... Ellen spent 2 minutes passing out the 3 pies and another minute collecting the cash. That's $10.8 mil.

Big Mama's & Papa's actually collected around $75 for the 3 pizzas, so it may be the best ad deal in the history of TV.

By the way ... the cost of buying the spot doesn't take into account the cost of producing it -- which is generally a fortune.

Never underestimate those pizza folk.

It's a modern day good vs. evil.

Here's a saintly looking 41-year-old Sofia Vergara posing in a couture toga party inspired gown (left) with a sinfully lacy 28-year-old Irina Shayk (right) at an Oscars after party last night.

The guy who delivered pizzas to the Oscars had no idea Ellen collected hundreds of bucks earmarked for his tip.

Edgar was all business after the ceremony when we caught up with him as he went inside Big Mama's & Papa's ... but it's pretty clear he had no idea Ellen passed Pharrell's hat around and scored around $300. When you deduct $75 for the 3 pies, it leaves an awesome tip.

But Edgar was mum ... somehow learning how to give photogs the brush-off with NO experience.

Oksana Grigorieva forgot she's bankrupt and no longer dating a famous dude ... because Sunday night in Hollywood she tried getting into the post-Oscar Vanity Fair party -- and got SHUT DOWN!!

Mel Gibson's ex and some friends attempted to enter the party but none of them were on the list and the doorman wasn't having it ... so they took the walk of shame back to their ride.

Maybe they were worried she'd start recording the celebrity action inside.

Sorry Oksana, better start hunting for a new sugar daddy somewhere else.

The director of the Oscar Winning live-action short "Helium" may have been high himself ... telling our photog his Oscar will become a canine toilet.

Anders Walter and producer Kim Magnusson were leaving a post-Ocscar party at Ago in West Hollywood ... when Walter talked about losing the doggie door in his home and jerry-rigging a statuette to accomplish the function ... and he fully expects his dog to mark his Oscar territory.

And then ... Walter dropped the best humble brag of the evening.

If you thought the Academy Awards were dragging on and on ... you're not alone ... even Oscar nominee Amy Adams got caught checking her phone during the show.

To be fair, Amy could have been staring at her crotch -- but we're gonna go out on a limb and say she was more than likely texting some other famous person about how the show is putting her to sleep.

We're guessing she's not the only one.

Jennifer Lawrence is two for two at the Oscars -- no, we didn't spoil show for you -- we're talking about the actress almost falling on her face again ... this time on the red carpet.

Ol' clumsy pants hit the press line and as soon as cameras locked in on her ... the "American Hustle" star lost her balance and went down hard.

As you may recall, Lawrence crashed last year during the show while walking on stage to accept her Academy Award.

If history is any indication ... someone's getting photo bombed next.

The Governors Ball better stock up on munchies ... because local weed delivery services are BLOWING UP with orders this weekend from celebs looking to get baked.

According to our ganja sources ... a ton of delivery pot shops had to hire more drivers for Sunday to keep up with the insane amount of orders being placed all weekend by celebs in town for the awards show.

One company told us portable vaporizers are huge with celebs this year ... and they've already sold around 40% more bud than usual. We're told the top selling strain is called Dream Queen.

The night is still young.

If you see Sally Field at the Oscars Sunday ... feel sympathy she's about to frickin' burst.

Sally wants a perfect hourglass figure when she hits the red carpet ... but it won't be from exercise -- she'll be wearing industrial strength underwear.

We're told the 2-time Oscar winner popped into Trashy Lingerie in West Hollywood ... looking for something to hold it all together underneath her Academy Award gown.

She saw a nude-colored corset and plunked down $200.

Apparently she liked it -- she really liked it.

With the 86th Academy Awards just hours away, travel back in time and indulge in all the best and worst looks from last year's red carpet.