The Oscars

Citizens of Toronto, fear not ... even though your sometimes crack-smoking mayor just touched down in Hollywood to apparently hit up the Oscars -- and after his recent trip to Mardi Gras -- he claims the city is still in good hands.

Rob Ford made his way through a media storm of cameras Saturday night at LAX (video to follow) ... telling our photog he's running political biz from the road -- and even plans to run for office again later this year.

"Crack Mayor" told the Toronto Sun early Saturday morning he was flying to L.A. to attend the Academy Awards ... but when he got to baggage claim Jimmy Kimmel was waiting as his driver ... so this was clearly all for his late night show.

Watch the clip ... see which d-bag Canuck we'd get in a trade with Canada -- him or Bieber.

Oscar nominee Julie Delpy has some pretty HUGE BALLS for a chick ... because the screenwriter just spanked the Academy hard -- saying it's just a bunch of crusty white dudes who take BRIBES for votes.

Delpy -- who's nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for "Before Midnight" with Ethan Hawke -- told So Film magazine via the Independent the awards are meaningless because voters are, "90% white men over 70 who need money."

"They haven't done anything in a long time," Delpy continued ... "You just need to give them two or three presents and they're in your pocket. It doesn't mean anything to me."

The actress also roasted the Weinstein brothers claiming they killed the independent movie scene ... and then dissed her own flicks, saying, "Every time I've become a part of the Hollywood mainstream, it's been crap! Let's be honest: 90% of movies made in Hollywood are crap."

Apparently the two have put the past behind them ... because last night Snoopzilla posted the pic of him and O with Gayle King, proclaiming "Black history.'

Forget the Oscar tribute to dead actors during the show ... a famous artist decided to pay homage (of sorts) to Philip Seymour Hoffman outside the auditorium by sculpting an Oscar strung out on smack.

The street artist -- who goes by Plastic Jesus -- has notoriously made a name for himself in L.A., and he's just found a way to tap into the heart of Hollywood.

P.J. says he wants to make a point that it's not just famous celebs who die of heroin ... drugs kill people in the show biz industry every week.

Academy Award-nominated actor Djimon Hounsou is INDIGNANT when he hears people say this is the year for black people at the Oscars.

There's a lot of talk in Hollywood about what some think is a movie trend ... triggered by "12 Years a Slave" and "The Butler." Djimon thinks the preoccupation with race is ridiculous.

Lee Daniels couldn't care less about the Oscars dissing his flick 'The Butler' because he tells us he doesn't buy into Hollywood's self-congratulatory award crap, but the thing is ... we're not sure Lee's keeping it 100.

Here's the deal ... 'Butler' came up goose eggs for Oscar noms -- nothing for Lee, Forrest Whitaker, or Oprah Winfrey -- even though critics LOVED the movie.

Daniels shrugged off the controversy at LAX ... telling us, "we don't do it for the awards, we do it for the art" -- which is either a totally chill thing to say ... or just what you HAVE to say when you get snubbed.

Daniels does end up getting a little consolation prize in this clip.

Most 17-year-olds feel pressure to get into a good college, but not Abigail Breslin ... the teenage A-lister has $100,000 riding on whether or not she can nab an Academy Award from her upcoming flick.

According to Abigail's minor's contract -- recently obtained by TMZ -- the lil star was paid $75,000 for two weeks worth of work on a film called "August: Osage County" shot last fall. It also stars Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts.

Now here's the interesting part ... in AB's contract a special clause was added just for awards ... which states if Abigail wins the Golden Globe for best supporting actress she nabs a $50,000 bonus.

There's more ... if Abigail wins an Oscar she gets ANOTHER $50,000. And if she wins both, they throw her the whole shebang. Plus all that other stuff like: respect, honor, esteem, ... yadda, yadda.

Of course with moves like these, it's in the bag ...

Billy Crystal doesn't feel the LEAST BIT bad for Seth MacFarlane for all of the crap he took for his performance as Oscars host this year ... telling TMZ dealing with haters is simply part of the gig.

Crystal was leaving a birthday dinner at Spago this weekend (he'll be 65 on Thursday) ... when we asked if he thought the critics were being too hard on the "Family Guy" creator for all of the boob, race, and Kardashian jokes he made at the Oscars (some of which were hilarious BTW).

But Crystal -- considered the GREATEST awards show host of all-time -- shrugged it off like it was no big deal ... telling us, "Everyone gets a hard time who does a show."

Billy didn't just make a good point -- he also gave us a pretty solid up-top high five.

Rest easy, prudes ... and Kardashian family ... 'cause "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane says there's "no way" he'll return to the Academy Awards as a host.

MacFarlane's hosting performance has been the subject of some major media scrutiny ... by people who take the awards WAAYYY too seriously ... yet, ratings for the show were reportedly UP this year.

Still, when Seth was asked on Twitter if he would ever return as the host ... he tweeted back, "No way. Lotta fun to have done it, though."

Oh, and in case you forgot the joke he made about the K-Squad ... here's what he said while talking about Ben Affleck in "Argo":

"First time I saw him with all that dark facial hair, I thought 'My god, the Kardashians have finally made the jump to film.'"

C'mon ... that's funny stuff.

Ben Affleck shaved his beard hours after winning the Oscar for Best Picture ... TMZ has learned.

The beard must have been Ben's good luck charm, because he jettisoned it at the "Argo" after-party at Craig's restaurant ... in the hallway right outside the bathroom. As for why he shaved in the hallway ... it had a convenient plug.

We're told a bunch of people took a whack at the beard.

As for why Ben felt the beard was good luck ... we're told Ben had facial hair when he re-emerged as a major Hollywood player.

How long till eBay?

The family of "Selena" star Lupe Ontiveros is incredibly upset she was left out of last night's "In Memoriam" presentation at the Oscars ... despite appearing in dozens of major films over the past 30 years.

Ontiveros -- who passed away in July 2012 -- had roles in "Real Women Have Curves", "As Good as it Gets", and "The Goonies" ... but is best known for her role as Yolanda Saldivar, the woman who murdered Selena.

Ontiveros' son Elias tells TMZ ... the whole family gathered to watch the awards show -- and was "disappointed" Lupe wasn't given her proper due -- especially considering some lesser-known people were honored over his mom.

You'll recall, George Clooney did warn some artists might be left out when introducing the tribute, saying, "For for those friends who are on this list tonight, and many others who aren't, we thank you for the memories."

Other celebs snubbed along with Ontiveros -- Andy Griffith, director Gore Vidal, Sherman Hemsley, athlete-turned-actor Alex Karras, and Sylvia Kristel.

He basically MADE HER CAREER ... but Elisabetta Canalis feels no obligation to root for her ex-boyfriend George Clooney ... telling TMZ she was hoping he LOST at the Academy Awards.

Elisabetta was out partying in L.A. Saturday night -- when she dropped the truth bomb, revealing that she wasn't pulling for Clooney's "Argo" to win the Oscar for Best Picture.

Instead, Elisabetta -- who dated Clooney for 2 years -- told us, "Tarantino ... I LOVE TARANTINO!"

Back when they split up in 2011, George and Elisabetta released a joint statement saying the split was "very difficult and very personal."

This is pretty shocking ... a rep for the Academy tells TMZ, Michelle Obama was in fact the ONLY person in the White House to view the contents of the Best Picture Oscar envelope last night.

TMZ broke the story ... it's practically inconceivable that any package -- even a high-profile Oscar envelope -- would reach the First Lady without being thoroughly vetted first.

But a rep for the Academy tells us, "First Lady Michelle Obama was the first and only person to open the Best Picture envelope. PwC [PricewaterhouseCoopers] accountants are the only individuals who have knowledge of the results prior to their live reveal on the Oscars."

As we reported, TMZ spoke to the Secret Service this morning ... and they said, "We're not gonna comment on that."

Nothing goes better with "Pi" than a big, fat juicy In-N-Out burger ... just ask Best Director winner Ang Lee.

The man behind "Life of Pi" scarfed the hell out of a burger after the award show last night ... statue in one hand, glorious food in the other.

Lee puts the Ang in Angus.

Add "business mogul" to her resume -- TMZ has learned, 9-year-old Best Actress nominee Quvenzhane Wallis was personally responsible for an EXPLOSION in the doggy bag market this AM ... after rocking her puppy purse on the red carpet.

A rep for Poochie & Co. tells TMZ, the stuffed Yorkie purse was specifically designed for Wallis -- the youngest ever Best Actress nominee for her role in "Beasts of the Southern Wild" -- and sales skyrocketed this morning after Wallis debuted the bag on the red carpet last night.

We're told Wallis has been wearing the company's puppy purses to various media events since January -- resulting in a steady double-digit growth for the company -- but this morning, the company saw an exponential upsurge in sales numbers.

The rep tells us, the Poochie & Co. office has been flooded with calls and emails since this morning ... even from outside the U.S. ... and the company can barely keep up with demand.

As for why they chose to give her a Yorkie for the Academy Awards -- the rep says it's because one of Wallis' dogs is a Yorkie ... so it just made sense.

Wallis also owns a German Shepherd, but the rep said German Shepherds aren't "cute for girls."

WE COMPLETELY DISAGREE. As proof, here's a cute picture of a German Shepherd puppy. Suck it, haters.

Just in case you didn't love Jennifer Lawrence enough already, here she is flipping off the media moments after winning her Oscar for Best Actress last night.

Fresh from falling down on the way to the stage at the most important moment of her career -- and then playing it off perfectly in her speech -- the gorgeous 22-year-old "Silver Linings Playbook" star jokingly flipped the bird in the press room at the Academy Awards.

Take that, Argo f**k yourself.