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As if the new 'Bachelor' didn't already know he was a virgin, his suitors (and the show at large) constantly reminded him during the season premiere ... and it got old fast.

Colton Underwood's journey got started Monday night, and as he was meeting the lovely ladies who'll be vying for his heart ...and apparently his crotch. His virginity was on the minds in the mouths of almost every girl. It was awkwardly charming at first, but quickly became a tired gag.

Even worse ... the virgin gimmicks quickly escalated from a chat to full-blown costumes just to land the joke. One girl popped a "cherry" balloon in front of Colton, another teased him with a real peach, and yet another took away his "V" card in a corny magic trick.

But, Alex D. of Boston took the cake (and the award for worst contestant thus far) by creeping out of the limo in a human-size sloth suit and lurching over to him in slow-mo ... staying committed to the whole sloth thing the entire way through.

It was cringeworthy to say the least. Fact is ... Colton's more than just his virginity -- here's hoping the producers of the show realized that before it's too late.

12:30 PM PT -- According to the docs -- obtained by TMZ -- Michael and Jennifer want joint physical and legal custody of their 16-year-old daughter. It appears they'll work out dividing their assets privately including a couple vehicles and several bank accounts.

8:38 AM PT -- Michael tells us the decision to split with Jennifer was an amicable one and they went to court to file the docs together. They've been in the process of splitting amicably since June 2017 but that was delayed when production on "Roseanne" abruptly stopped.

Michael Fishman, famous for playing Roseanne Barr's TV son, is on the road to ending his marriage with wife Jennifer Briner after more than 19 years of matrimony.

Jennifer filed docs Thursday for legal separation. The couple tied the knot in 1999, when Michael was a teenager, and have two children together. It's unknown what led to the split.

Michael played D.J. Conner as a child actor on "Roseanne" from 1988-97, and reprised the role for this year's reboot.

We got him back in October outside NBC Studios in NYC where we asked him about Barr's departure from the show, and he called continuing the program without her "bittersweet."

As you know, Roseanne's character was killed off the show by an opioid overdose during the season premiere. Ratings for the reboot's second premiere were significantly less than the first ... (10.8 million vs. 18.2 million).

Actress Jenifer Lewis says Donald Trump has done horrendous things to our country, including breaking the law, and she's not down for any deals that would let him evade prosecution.

We got the "Black-ish" star on "TMZ Live" and asked her about a scenario that, frankly, is possible. What if prosecutors squarely put it to the President -- if you resign from office, we won't prosecute you or your family?

Lewis is appalled at that prospect, essentially calling Donald Trump a mentally ill criminal who doesn't deserve any deals when it comes to prosecution.

John Goodman is anything but broken up about playing a widower on TV, because he tells us life without his TV wife, Roseanne Barr ... is just great!

We got the star of the "The Conners" Thursday at LAX and asked how the show's carrying on without its former namesake ... and John tells us he hopes the ride doesn't end because everyone is having so much fun.

As you know, Roseanne's character was killed off the show by an opioid overdose just 5 minutes into this season. Barr got the ax from the reboot only hours after she posted a racially charged tweet aimed at a former Obama adviser.

Judging by John's reactions to our questions, seems Roseanne is the only one pissed she's gone.

The owners of the mansion used by "The Bachelor" are taking extreme measures to make sure their property won't be hit by gutless thieves looting homes damaged in the devastating SoCal wildfires ... they're hiring armed guards to protect against ransacking.

Sources tell TMZ ... the mansion owners are using several armed security guards who are working around the clock to ward off looters.

There's been a serious issue with looting in neighborhoods ravaged by the Woolsey Fire. Most homeowners haven't returned to their houses, and security systems are down because of power outages, so looters are taking advantage.

We're told the main house used in "The Bachelor" survived the fire ... but a 4,000 square foot structure on the property used as a base camp for show producers was torched. Pool equipment also burned.

There is some good news for 'Bachelor' fans ... we're told the mansion is in good enough shape to continue providing a backdrop for the show.

More than 300 law enforcement officers have been dispatched to secure evacuation zones in L.A. and Ventura County, but the owners of the 'Bachelor' pad clearly aren't taking any chances.

William Daniels, the actor who played Mr. Feeny in "Boy Meets World," stopped an attempted burglary at his home ... TMZ has learned.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... William and his wife, actress Bonnie Bartlett, were at their San Fernando Valley home Saturday night at 9:20 PM when someone tried to kick in the back door. William sprang into action, turned on the lights, and the intruder high-tailed it off the property.

Sounds like Mr. Feeny is still pretty sharp at age 91 ... we're guessing he's still got eyes in the back of his head after his longstanding role as teacher-turned-principal on the ABC sitcom. It was always tough to sneak anything past him, just ask Ben Savage.

Despite a recent rash of burglaries in the area targeting celebs, cops believe the attempted burglary was a random act and William was not targeted.

Parker McKenna, who played Damon Wayans' daughter on "My Wife and Kids," claims her ex-boyfriend beat the crap out of her, and he's now sitting in a Houston jail ... TMZ has learned.

According to legal docs obtained by TMZ ... Parker told prosecutors her ex, YouTube star Chris Sails, got pissed after he saw a DM from another man on her phone, and started beating her so badly, she thought she was going to die.

The alleged incident went down last month in the couple's apartment. Parker claims Chris repeatedly punched and slapped her in the face, and choked her while slamming her head on the ground.

Parker called cops and responding officers noticed she had a black eye and cuts on her neck. We're told she initially claimed a woman who was visiting had attacked her. Two weeks later she recanted, and told cops Sails punched her.

Dan Abrams says there's plenty to be scared about in this country in the wake of a spate of attempted bomb attacks ... because all signs point to a single, demented individual.

We got the host of "Live PD" Thursday AM in NYC, and he was quick to say it's dangerous stuff to assume the bombings are some sort of organized, widespread attack. Dan's view seems to be what authorities believe ... that the bombs are all identical in nature, and seem to be the work of a single individual.

"Modern Family" fans wondering who the "significant" character was to be killed off this season finally had their question answered Wednesday night.

SPOILER AHEAD!!!

The ABC sitcom's co-creator Christopher Lloyd revealed one of the series' familiar faces would kick the bucket before the end of season 10. Many speculated it would be Ed O'Neill's Jay Pritchett or Stella, the Pritchett family pooch.

Turns out ... it was neither.

The character to kick the bucket was DeDe Pritchett -- played by Shelley Long -- who was Jay's ex-wife and Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen) and Mitchell Pritchett's (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) mom.

To say DeDe was a "significant" character through the show's 10 seasons is a stretch -- she only appeared in a handful of episodes -- but it was a loss none the less.

Say this for famed virgin Colton Underwood, America's next 'Bachelor' knows his way around first base ... just look at his mile-high make out!

We've obtained footage of Colton and one of his suitors on a super cute one-on-one date Monday at the Denver Milk Market ... which is really interesting because they're in Colton's hometown.

Check out the clip ... Colton and his date have great chemistry ... holding hands, flirting and kissing as they shop for pasta, salmon and wine. They were also spotted playing corn hole. Take notes, fellas. Pretty solid date.

It's the first time we've seen Colton in public since the start of filming ... and it looks like he's taking a page from Rachel Lindsay's book.

The mystery girl is one of the lucky ones ... she's clearly made it deep into the season.

Colton's family lives just outside of Denver ... so we're guessing he might be bringing this one home. Gotta run it by the parents before potentially losing your v-card, right?!?

Roseanne Barr's TV son, Michael Fishman, has strong feelings about the show carrying on without it's former namesake.

We got Michael -- who plays D.J. Conner on "The Conners" -- outside NBC Studios in NYC and asked him what it was like not having his TV mom in the premiere of 'TC.' Remember, Roseanne had a huge part in helping him land the role when he was just 6 -- so, it's no surprise he's got a soft spot for her.

As you know by now, Roseanne was killed off the show by an opioid overdose in this week's premiere --a move she's pissed about -- but doesn't sound like Michael has any hard feelings toward her.

He also told us why he thinks ratings were not as high Wednesday as when the short-lived "Roseanne" reboot premiered earlier this year (10.5 million vs. 18.2 million).

Spoiler alert ... Roseanne Barr's character on "The Conners" was killed off by an opioid overdose.

The series premiere of the 'Roseanne' spin-off jumped right into Barr's death ... with writers wrapping up her storyline a mere 5 minutes into the show.

Turns out ... Roseanne had it right last month when she revealed her opioid OD in a gigantic spoiler.

Getting killed off the show was a foregone conclusion. You'll remember ... Barr got the ax from the "Roseanne" reboot only hours after she posted a tweet comparing former Obama aide Valerie Jarrett to the "muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes."

Roseanne is gone from the spin-off, but she's still keeping busy ... appearing on podcasts and hosting her own talk show.

10/17 -- Roseanne responded to her TV death on Twitter Tuesday night after the show, "I AIN'T DEAD, BITCHES!!!!"

Originally published -- 10/16 5:19 PM PT

Steve Levitan's bitter divorce has come to an end, and his ex-wife is walking away with a huge amount of money ... but so is he.

According to new legal docs obtained by TMZ ... Krista Levitan will get at least $4 MILLION a year in income from various projects -- including "Modern Family" -- but as long as that cash keeps flowing in ... he won't have to pay any spousal support.

But, that's not all -- Krista and Steve are also splitting several bank accounts worth tens of millions of dollars ... along with going 50/50 on various properties and cars.

Specifically, the docs say the 2 are to split the profits from the sale of their Santa Monica home ... which is worth about $40 million.

We broke the story ... Krista filed for divorce from Steve in 2016 after 23 years of marriage, and it appeared there was no prenup.

Things later took a nasty turn when Krista made claims of assault against Steve and tried to get a restraining order. A judge shot it down, but the divorce battle raged on.

Nolan Gould is looking over his shoulder on the set of "Modern Family" ... because he's got a sneaking suspicion his character, Luke, could be going six feet under!

We got Nolan at Matsuhisa in Bev Hills ... and he spills the beans on the significant character producers are killing off. Get ready for a plot twist, and keep in mind -- they've already shot the scene.

Amanda Stanton and her boyfriend put on a united front during a beach outing ... not long after she was arrested for getting into a fight with him.

The 'Bachelor' and "Bachelor in Paradise" fan favorite hit up Laguna Beach Sunday with BF, Bobby Jacobs ... showing plenty of PDA. It's the first time we've seen them out together since Amanda's arrest last week in Vegas after a drunken post-bachelorette party incident with Bobby.

As we first reported ... security at the Encore was responding to a noise complaint when an apparently boozed-up Amanda tried to intervene, shoving Bobby in the process. We're told that was enough for security to call cops, who arrested Amanda for misdemeanor domestic battery.

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, Bobby also claims Amanda started to hit him while he was in bed, argued for hours and at one point took the room's phone and swung it at him. Bobby also says Amanda tried kicking him and he tried pinning her down but he says she kept scratching and pinching his arms and body. Amanda had apparently been upset with Bobby 'cause he wasn't answering her calls.

A rep for Amanda told us it was all a misunderstanding ... calling the shove "playful."

The first couple who got engaged on ABC's 'Bachelor'-spinoff, "The Proposal," have called it quits just a few months after the show premiered this summer.

Amputee police officer Mike Crowe tells TMZ that his new fiancee, Monica Villalobos, broke things off with him while they were recently on a trip to Costa Rica. The split happened just last week in the middle of their vacation -- Mike says Monica told him she didn't have feelings for him anymore.

Mike's clearly still hurting from the fresh break-up. He says not only did he put himself out there in trying to meet that special someone on TV, but notes that a ton of people have gotten emotionally invested in their journey. Plus, he says the Costa Rica trip was supposed to be in celebration of his 30th birthday ... so this doubly sucks for him.

As to whether he feels like he was set up for failure by the premise of the show -- propose to someone you've never met within an hour-long program -- Mike says no. He tells us he didn't have any expectations and didn't feel any outside pressure on the relationship. It's unclear if Monica felt the same, but he implies she might've not loved the scrutiny.