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Well, chalk this up to, if you don't laugh you'll cry, because 'SNL' slayed with their cold open, where "President Biden" blamed COVID and pretty much every other problem plaguing on America on ... SPIDER-MAN!!!

Pete Davidson -- who's become the star of 'SNL' -- appeared in all his glory as Joe Biden in the real universe, and it's pretty hilarious.

But before that, Biden (played by James Austin Johnson) explained there's a cure for COVID, and it's not the vaccine ... simply put, "Stop seeing 'Spider-Man!'"

Biden's getting grilled like a cheeseburger at a White House news conference, connecting the dots by saying, "Now, think about it. When did ‘Spider-Man’ come out? Dec. 17. When did every single person get Omicron? The week after Dec. 17."

And then there was this advice from the Prez  ... "See anything else.” I saw the first half-hour of ‘House of Gucci.’ That’s more than enough movie for anyone."

As for how you know if you have COVID ... "You want to know if you have Covid? Look at your hand. Is it holding a ticket that says you recently went to see ‘Spider-Man’? If so, you have Covid."

Then Pete appears, baring his tattoo-covered chest and explaining why, in the real world, Biden was not President. It's funny, but treading on dangerous territory.

The lead trainer from "Canine Intervention" is absolutely pissed about that disturbing viral video of a trainer in Texas abusing a dog, and says there's no place for someone like that in his industry.

Jas Leverette had some choice words for the guy in the brutal video recorded at TyCalK9 Dog Training Center, near Houston. Jas spoke directly to the trainer, saying "You're a coward, bro!"

He explained that, as a trainer himself, this sort of behavior puts a black eye on the whole field of dog training -- and he hopes the authorities in Texas take the incident seriously enough to prosecute the guy in the video.

The video is tough to watch ... the trainer picks up the German shepherd by its leash, swings it over his shoulder and then slams it down onto a concrete floor.

Jas tells us this kind of treatment can be really terrible for animals, and leaves them with PTSD, in addition to any physical injuries. The Netflix star says some people have been contacting him over the video ... because the Texas training facility has a similar name to his company.

Jas makes one thing clear -- he is NOT affiliated with this guy at all, and thinks he ought to pay for what he did.

COVID-19 can't stop Los Angeles from partying before Super Bowl LVI ... 'cause several event planners tell TMZ Sports the show will go on -- with precautions, of course.

As COVID-19 cases surge throughout the country, many questions have been raised about whether the traditional bashes leading up to the big game will go on as scheduled.

We've learned at least three of the biggest parties will continue as planned -- including the event put on by sports agent Leigh Steinberg -- AKA the real Jerry Maguire -- at Sony Studios.

We're told Steinberg's invite-only bash will be filled with celebs and current/former players -- featuring tons of food and drink ... as well as a cool brain lounge with insane technology, a silent auction and more.

FYI -- Sony can host up to 5,000 people, but we're told the event will only be about half capacity ... and all guests must be vaxxed or have a negative test within 48 hours of arrival.

"It is 90% outdoor," LeeAnn Adams, the VP of Special Projects for Leigh Steinberg Entertainment, tells us.

"We only have one indoor space where our brain lounge is because we have very valuable equipment in there."

"We're as COVID-safe as possible and indoors, obviously, you have to wear a mask. You're in Los Angeles and it is mandated."

Hall of Famer Terrell Davis and Babes and Ballers will be hosting their own SB bash as well ... with rapper Lil Jon and the Los Angeles Rams cheerleaders set to attend at the Academy Hall.

Davis' shindig will also follow Los Angeles' COVID-19 protocols -- in fact, they're adding extra hand sanitizer stations at the venue ... as they're expecting 1,200 guests.

"The club has some already fixed to the wall," Steve Fowler of Babes and Ballers said. "But we'll have a couple more at every entrance, bathroom, VIP room and patio."

For NAAB Radio's event, the station is anticipating 500 party-goers at the Taglyan Complex ... and will also stick to the city's guidelines.

"We plan to follow all CDC protocols and to have our guests show proof of vaccinations/test results while having a memorable Super Bowl 2022 Party," NAAB Radio co-founder Denise Darrell tells us.

Now that the safety concerns are out of the way ... it's time to party.

NFL Wild Card Weekend is here ... and what better way to kick-start the 2022 playoffs than to play a quick game of "Guess That Shredded Bod!!!"

There are six games going down in the opening round ... with the 49ers, Cowboys, Rams, Cardinals, Bills, Patriots, Steelers, Chiefs, Raiders, Bengals, Eagles and Buccaneers all getting in on the action.

With that being said, there are a lot of stars who've shown off their athletic figures over the years ... including quarterbacks Kyler Murray, Dak Prescott and Joe Burrow.

The receivers of Wild Card weekend have also shown out ... from JuJu Smith-Schuster to Tyreek Hill and Deebo Samuel.

So grab the chips and dip and scroll through the pics as you wait for kickoff.

The Playboy Mansion would be crawling with hookers and celebs on Thursday nights back in its heyday -- and a new documentary claims Hugh Hefner himself cooked up the weekly event.

Hef dubbed the traditional gathering "Pig Night," and it started with 2 pimps bringing in carloads of prostitutes from Sunset Blvd. ... according to his former girlfriend, Sondra Theodore, and others who worked at the mansion.

Sondra says she tended to look the other way while Hugh did all sorts of "crazy stuff," but this ritual stood out to her and got her attention.

The upcoming A&E series, "Secrets of Playboy" ... describes "Pig Night" as a sort of dinner party that served as a jumping-off point for sex parties.

According to the mansion insiders, Hugh would sit at the head of the table smoking his famous pipe while the hookers drank and ate with movie and TV stars. They say the girls would get ratings and quick medical checks before slipping out of the room for sex rendezvous with the celebs.

Pete Davidson has been a walking billboard recently, for a sandwich shop in downtown L.A. ... and while he's getting no coins, he's showing lotsa love to the deli and its owners.

The folks at Uncle Paulie's Deli tell TMZ ... Pete doesn't have a stake in Uncle Paulie's, he's just good pals with Paulie, with something in common ... they're both from New York.

Pete was rockin' an Uncle Paulie's hat this week at the Knicks game.

The deli definitely appreciates the support from Pete ... fact is, he's the most famous walking sandwich board in America, and the publicity is worth a fortune.

The Knicks game wasn't a one-off. Pete recently wore a Paulie's hoodie and hat at Nobu in Malibu ... oh, and he ran into Martha Stewart and they posed for a photo.

It's good/great timing ... the deli's opening 2 new shops in L.A. in the next month ... one on W 3rd St., and another in Studio City.

Hidden within this wide-eyed woman is an eye-catching actress who has gone down in blockbuster history for her iconic roles.

This smirking star is more recognizable in huge franchise films ... one filled with epic robots which launched her career into stardom. Besides breaking records at the box office, this sought-after celebrity also killed it -- and tons of men -- in a beloved cult classic.

Bob Saget's widow, Kelly Rizzo, is speaking out for the first time since her husband's death -- and her tribute to him is both heartbreaking and touching.

Kelly took to IG Saturday with a lengthy statement, which was attached to a photo of her and Bob. She writes, "My sweet husband. After much reflection this week, I'm trying, really trying, to not think I was robbed of time. But instead to think: How lucky was I that I got to be the one to be married to THE MOST INCREDIBLE MAN ON EARTH."

She goes on to explain how in love with him she was, and how he deserves every ounce of credit and adulation he's getting in the wake of his death, 'cause he was that great of a guy.

KR adds, "Most importantly. I have no regrets. We loved each other so damn much and told each other 500 times every day. Constantly. I know how much he loved me until the very last moment and he knew the same. I'm so grateful for that. Not everyone gets that."

She continues to explain how much she appreciates everyone reaching out with love and support, explaining ... "Bob had so much more he wanted to do and so much more love to give. And to the best of my ability it will be my mission to share how amazing he was with the world, and try in some small way to keep spreading his message of love and laughter."

Kelly also made sure to shout out his passion for Scleroderma research, a disease he was fighting to eradicate ... this after his sister succumbed to it and died.

Prince Harry is giving the British government an ultimatum when it comes to his security across the pond ... afford me and my family protection one way or another, or else.

The Duke of Sussex's lawyers fired off a "pre-action protocol letter" to the Home Office department of the United Kingdom Government -- think Homeland Security for comparison -- in which they made clear ... if Harry and his family are not offered public security, from police officers and the like, while in the U.K. ... they'll be seeking a judicial review.

The move to essentially threaten the government with legal action reportedly comes after Harry, of late, has offered to pony up the cash for his own police security detail ... which was apparently denied from high-ups in HO, despite Harry insisting it was absolutely necessary.

Harry's reps released a statement explaining why he was doing this, arguing that he has taken on an inherent risk that he acquired from birth ... and which he'll carry for the rest of his life. Now, that he's got a family with Meghan Markle, that risk extends to them as well.

His reps also said this ... even though Harry and Meghan pay for their own private security here in the States -- where they now live since Harry stepped away from his Royal duties -- but unfortunately ... those bodyguards/that intel does not suffice when they visit his native land.

They cite a security breach in July 2021 -- when he was in town for a statue unveiling for his mother -- and once again insist ... he needs to be able to protect himself and his family.

Harry's team goes on to say he wants to bring his children, Archie and Lilibet, to the U.K. to visit ... but because of this ongoing issue -- which has apparently been playing out BTS for at least a couple years now -- he isn't able to, as they say, it's too dangerous.

Britney Spears is once again telling us how she really feels about her sister, Jamie Lynn, and it seems like she's taking her foot off her neck a bit ... if only slightly.

BS wrote another notes essay for her little sis, which is perhaps even more direct than her previous one from a couple days ago -- and this time, her message is ... say what you will, but we both know I was put through hell, and you much less so.

Britney starts her remarks with this ... "I know you worked hard for the life you have and you have done amazing !!!! But I think we would both have to agree to the fact that the family has never been remotely as hard on you as they have been on me !!!"

She adds, "What Dad did to me, they don't even do that to criminals … so for you to sit back and act completely aloof to what has happened to me is honesty insane to me !!!"

There's a lot to unpack in Britney's latest thoughts, but essentially ... it boils down to her rehashing claims against her dad -- alleging she was treated worse than a prisoner -- and then going on to say that she doesn't understand JL's seemingly neutral position on things.

Britney says, "We are supposed to have each other's back … but what you're saying just truly confuses me !!! All I know is I love you unconditionally !!! So go ahead and say whatever you want … it's so tacky for a family to fight publicly like this !!! You say you love me … yet your loyalty is still with the people that hurt me the most !!!"

Britney goes on to say that when she was away at a facility for months on end, she felt like Jamie Lynn abandoned her ... and only resurfaced, half-heartedly, when Brit took her grievances public.

Of course, this all comes on the heels of Jamie Lynn doing an interview with ABC's "Nightline" ... where she dished a lot of unflattering stories about Britney, which BS takes issue with.

Britney ends by saying ... "Say whatever you want to say just know I do know your real heart more than anyone !!! It's your life and you deserve a beautiful life !!!! I wish I would be able to do what you're doing and do interviews !!! I'm scared of all of it … I admire you for being strong … just know I love you and I think you know that already more than anything !!!"

To be continued, we're sure.

Kanye West is taking his bitter divorce with Kim Kardashian to a whole new level -- claiming she's purposely keeping him from seeing his daughter on her own birthday ... and doing it on video, no less.

Ye went live with a message Saturday -- the day of young Chicago's 4th birthday -- with a bold allegation ... namely, that Kim and co. are refusing to give him the address to Chicago's party, which has KW shaken up and almost on the verge of tears.

Check out the video ... the guy appears to be driving himself around town, seemingly in search of the shindig that he says will not be disclosed to him, no matter who he talks to.

He notes he hasn't talked to Kim and/or her nannies ... but does say he's talked to Tristan Thompson, who apparently told Ye he'd have to run it by Khloe Kardashian first. As a result of what Kanye perceives as a snub, he's wishing Chicago a happy 4th birthday publicly.

He continues to go on a rant about how fathers have been kept out of the home/family unit for ages, and even with all his money ... he still finds himself in that position. However, Kanye says he's not going to let that happen if he can help it, asking for public support.

Some quick clarifying background on what's going on here and what's the latest ... sources tell us he felt excluded because the original invite he got was pretty vague, and did not include a specific location. With that said, we're told it's been sorted out ... and that Ye is actually on his way to the party now.

Still, this comes off as just the latest barb in Kanye and Kim's divorce war. We've been told Kim is trying to be reasonable with him about custody, and only asks for clear communication and scheduling.

Meanwhile, Kim posted a big birthday tribute for Chicago ... as did her mom, Kris Jenner.

Brian Cox seems just like his character Logan Roy -- in that the guy speaks his mind, even if it's at the expense of Johnny Depp, whom he considers ... eh, not that great.

The "Succession" star let his thoughts about Depp (and others) fly in his new memoir, "Putting the Rabbit in the Hat," an excerpt of which GQ obtained and published Friday. In the text, he takes aim at Depp for what he considers ... sub-par acting chops.

While reminiscing about passing on a big role for the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' franchise, Cox writes, "It would have been a money-spinner, but of all the parts in that film it was the most thankless, plus I would have ended up doing it for film after film and missed out on all the other nice things I've done."

He adds, "Another thing with 'Pirates' ... it's very much the "Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow" show, and Depp, personable though I'm sure he is, is so overblown, so overrated."

BC wasn't done criticizing Depp just yet ... he continues, "I mean, 'Edward Scissorhands.' Let's face it, if you come on with hands like that and pale, scarred-face make-up, you don't have to do anything. And he didn't. And subsequently, he's done even less."

JD wasn't the only actor Cox had words for ... he also took some shots at Edward Norton, whom he describes as "a nice lad but a bit of a pain in the arse because he fancies himself as a writer-director."

Kanye West got a lot off his chest in his new song with The Game -- and most of it was aimed at his estranged wife, Kim Kardashian ... not to mention his own kids.

The track, "Eazy," dropped early Saturday, and as expected ... Ye laid into Pete Davidson. But that's not even the real takeaway in our minds -- indeed, he says he wants to beat PD's ass, but his main beef seems to be with Kim ... and how he thinks she's raising their brood.

Check out his verse for yourself ... it's scathing to say the least, almost like his own rap diss.

Right off the bat, Kanye says ... "How I ain't bring nothing to the table, when I'm the table?" ... going on to rap that he's going to "turn up the music, wake up the neighbors," among other incendiary lyrics. Sounds like Ye's not ready to put this matter to bed quietly.

He hits the point home even more so later, when he raps ... "N****, we havin' the best divorce ever // If we go to court, we'll go to court together // Matter of fact, pick up your sis, we'll go to Kourt's together."

There's more ... Kanye says he "watched four kids for like five hours today," echoing what he claimed to Hollywood Unlocked about allegedly being restricted from time with his children. But then, he goes for the jugular ... rapping, "I got love for the nannies, but real family is better // The cameras watch the kids, y'all stop takin' the credit."

Speaking of those kids (his kids) ... Kanye dishes a little truth medicine (in his mind, anyway). He raps, "When you give 'em everything, they only want more // Boujee and unruly, y'all need to do some chores // Rich-ass kids, this ain't yo mama house // Climb on your brother's shoulders, get that Top Ramen out."

And, of course, the PD line everyone knew was coming ... "God saved me from that crash // Just so I can beat Pete Davidson's ass (Who?)." In the same breath, he shouts out his new GF, Julia Fox, rapping ... "And my new bitch bad // I know Illuminati mad."

A volcano eruption off the island of Tonga has sent literal shockwaves around the world -- so much so, that now authorities have warned ... we here in the U.S. could be at risk.

The underwater explosion took place Friday, which was actually noticeable from satellites all the way up in space ... and the images captured of the moment the volcano blew are mind-blowing, giving you a true sense of how powerful this thing was -- and how devastating too.

The real-world effects were felt almost immediately ... not only did people hear and see the mighty boom, but soon -- there were massive waves crashing ashore on the island of Tongatapu. Several videos were posted of the early damage, and even then ... it was bad.

Check out some of these clips ... you can see water tearing through residential areas and ripping down gates and fences. Some areas seem to have been hit harder than others.

There's one video that looks like it's straight out of a movie (in a bad way), with massive waves bursting their way onto the city streets ... and cars having to do quick U-turns to get the hell out of there.

So far, there are no reports of injuries or deaths -- but at the same time, much of the island is without communication or internet at the moment ... that's how rocked they've been over the past 10 hours or so.

Now, the rest of the world (at least on the Pacific side) is starting to feel the ramifications from this ... including here in the States, where weather officials have issued tsunami warnings in Hawaii, Alaska, British Columbia and all up and down the west coast of the U.S.

There are reports of massive waves crashing against the shorelines in cities like Monterey and elsewhere ... and locals have been told to steer clear of the area for a while.

Pete Davidson's never been to Kim Kardashian's house — despite what Kanye West might say — and there’s a simple reason for his limited access to her home ... boundaries.

Sources tell TMZ ... Ye's claim that PD was at Kim's house during the incident he described to Hollywood Unlocked is flat out false. We're told Pete was NOT there, nor was Kim ... she was at her office all day with her team.

While we weren’t given a definitive answer as to why Kanye may have been as restricted as he says, our sources did say this ... Kim's putting her foot down on letting Kanye come and go as he pleases, especially when it's at her property.

The reason, we're told, is because he's apparently made some people close to her -- including friends, fam and even staff -- upset during some of his recent visits. Unclear what exactly may have transpired or when, but we're told the incidents were serious enough for her to not let him have his run of the place when stopping by.

Bottom line ... Kim wants to create a more structured system between him, her and their kids -- which, we're told, would ideally involve Kanye calling ahead of time and scheduling things ... instead of him dropping in unannounced, presumably what he's been doing lately.

Our sources also say Kim's very disappointed by how Kanye's handling all this internal family stuff at the moment ... we're told she'd prefer to keep it private, and doesn't think it's good for the kids.

We thought you'd like to see this homage to Bob Saget -- because it's awesome!!!

It's a video from way back -- 2006 -- in which Jamie Kennedy and Stuart Stone are rapping that Bob is the king of Hollywood, and it's hysterical. It's called "Rollin' With Saget."

Bob is front and center in the music vid, as he muscles his way into a club with his pals, even showing security at the door who's boss.

A Paris Hilton lookalike joins in, and, get this, George Lucas is there! We're told George just happened to be shooting something in an adjacent sound stage, came over to see what's up and ended up appearing in the video.

Bob draws a gaggle of beautiful women in the club, before he and his buds jump in their SUV for a trip back to Malibu.

It's just another example of how beloved Bob was in life and in death. As we reported, hundreds of people showed up for his funeral, including Dave Chappelle, John Stamos, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and many others from "Full House."

The pallbearers were John Mayer, John Stamos, Norman Lear, Dave Coulier, Jeff Ross, Judd Apatow, Ted Sarandos and Steve Hale.

Others who turned out ... Jodie Sweetin, Candace Cameron Bure, Kathy Griffin, Chris Rock, Seth Green, among many more.