Andy Richter -- 'Two Drunks Totalled My Car'

Andy Richter says "two drunks" slammed into his car last night while it was parked in front of his L.A. home ... and the funnyman says it happens so frequently, he's MOVING.

The "Conan" sidekick posted a photo of the wreckage on Twitter -- writing, "Two drunks totalled my car while it was parked in front of my house tonight."

"We live on a busy street. We have for 11 years. We grew tired of this, and bought a house on a quiet street."

He continued, "Our old house goes on the market in just a few days. We are moving in three weeks."

Richter referred to last night's collision as a "kiss goodbye."

We've reached out to cops and Richter for more details ... no word back.