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Brit: I Don't Need No EPT, Y'all!

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Cancel the national emergency -- Britney Spears is not pregnant. Two is enough!

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TMZ caught Britney out at Ralph's grocery store last night where she told us that pregnancy test she was holding in photos seen yesterday wasn't for her -- but for "a friend." Do her other personalities count as friends?

Later on, Brit went to the trendy clothing shop Kitson -- at 1:30 AM! She had the owner of the store, Fraser Ross, open it up just for her. She walked in wearing a short red dress, but walked out with a dress shirt and tie thrown on top.

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But the ripped stockings were a nice touch.

Martha's Dishes Made My Kids Sick!

A Pennsylvania couple is suing Martha Stewart Living and K-Mart, claiming the domestic diva's "Everyday" dinnerware -- with the lovely name "Flowers and Buds Border" -- contains lead and is responsible for poisoning their children. Get the lead out!

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In the lawsuit, filed on behalf of their two kids Michael and Matthew, Sandra and Raymond Dombroski allege the boys were poisoned by lead in the dinnerware, which caused the boys to suffer "mental, emotional and cognitive impairment, learning disability" as well as speech problems and physical impairment and a host of other problems. That's not a good thing!

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The Dombroskis say that the lead problem is a result of "negligent, reckless, intentional and outrageous conduct of MSLO..." (that's Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia), and they've served up a heaping lawsuit asking for compensatory and punitive damages.

A spokesperson for MSLO told TMZ "We take consumer product safety very seriously. We do not comment on pending litigation."

See Also

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Chef to Dems -- You Do Chicken Wrong!

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There's a scandal brewing in the Members Dining Room of the House of Representatives. It involves chicken and Mark Foley has nothing to do with it.

Janie Galmon has worked in the dining room for half a century. For a long time, she's been the chef. That is, until a recent change of management. The Democrats rule, and there's a new sheriff in the mess hall -- so here's the deal. Sources say the new folk have made it so uncomfortable for Janie that she quit last month. That's the insult, now here's the injury.

Janie has some special recipes that have not only been a staple in the dining room, they bear her name -- Janie's Fried Chicken and Janie's Banana Pudding. The new regime in the dining room has asked Janie for the recipe and she told them to screw off -- it's hers. Undaunted, Janie's Fried Chicken and Janie's Banana Pudding were on the menu as recently as yesterday. One member tells TMZ, it doesn't even resemble the original. So it's screw you Janie -- hello Colonel.

TMZ contacted the House Administration Committee, which oversees the dining room. A spokesperson tells us that Galmon was asked to stay, "despite her intent to retire." Sources say, however, Galmon says she feels like she was forced out.

And the Committee added this: "Janie has volunteered to come in to demonstrate how to prepare her fried chicken and will be compensated for her expertise in teaching the recipe to the new food services vendor."

Your tax dollars at work, folks.

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If you have any election/political-oriented dirt, send your tips to TMZ!

Tom to Jerry -- Suri's Real and She's Spectacular

Tom Cruise, with Suri in tow, went to Jerry Seinfeld's NYC garage and left with a serious case of P.T.S. -- Porsche Titillation Syndrome -- not that there's anything wrong with that.

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They supposedly looked at Jerry's cars, but Seinfeld said recently he once dabbled in Scientology. Was this a recruiting mission? Did the Scientologuru cast a spell so intense that only sunglasses could thwart its power?

Cruise came out of their meeting muttering repeatedly about "nice cars." Sounds like code to us.