O'Neal Calls Foul on Wife -- Files for Divorce!

Look out ladies (seriously, get out of his way), Big Shaq Diesel is going back on the market.

In divorce papers filed Tuesday in a Miami court, Shaquille O'Neal claimed his marriage to wife Shaunie has been "irretrievably broken," and accuses her of being shady with his cash.

The couple have four kids together, and each has a child from a previous relationship. They tied the knot in a ridiculously lavish Beverly Hills ceremony in 2002, and bought an $18.8 million estate on Miami Beach's exclusive Star Island – where Shaunie has been living by herself. That estate is up for sale ... for $32 million.

Shaq, who is currently in a contract with the Miami Heat worth a cool $100 mil, claims that his

wife has been "secretive about her assets," and he's asked the court to order a full investigation into every penny she came into during their union. He claims that Shaunie has "certain properties" purchased with the Daddy's cash that ended up "owned or titled ... in [her] name alone." He wants a full accounting of her real estate, safety deposit boxes, loans, trusts and insurance policies and jewelry.

The Big Aristotle also notes that he made Shaunie sign a pre-nup -- which he's asking the court to keep private. As for custody, the jet-setting basketballer requested that the kids live with Shaunie, and that he receive "liberal rights of visitation."

Whoopi is the new Rosie on "The View," in more ways than one! Day one, and she's already pissed off a whole lotta people, including animal rights group PETA. Goldberg defended Michael Vick by saying there are things that are "indicative to certain parts of our country," ... meaning the South.

PETA President Michelle Cho fired off an email to Whoopi that very politely said just how ignorant Whoopi's statement was. "I think a lot of people who live and work in the South -- as PETA does -- will not appreciate the "view" that cruelty to dogs is an accepted Southern pastime. Those who fight dogs do so in New York, Chicago, and even the Republic of Ireland, and what unites them is lawlessness and callousness, not whether they eat grits or Belgian waffles for breakfast." Cho went on to say that "animals are as vulnerable to abuse as children are, and they need your voice more than Vick does right now." Whoops!

UPDATE: On today's "View" Whoopi said she was "not condoning" Vick's actions. It sure sounded as though she was making excuses for them.

Even the hottest movie stars sometimes feel old and decrepit. Take two-time Sexiest Man Alive honoree Brad Pitt, who admits in the October issue of Details that turning forty took a heavy toll on him. "One thing sucks, your face kind of goes. Your body's not quite working the same. But you earned it. You earned that, things falling apart," he said. Yah, he's a wreck.

The beauty crisis didn't stop pretty Pitt from appearing half naked in 2005's "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," where he met current flame/baby mama Angelina Jolie.

And what about his tres internacional family? "They have the same dynamics I had growing up," Brad said of his three adopted children and one biological daughter, Shiloh. "It pleases me so much." So much, in fact, that he and Jolie are planning to expand their multi-ethnic brood, saying, "We're not done."

One thing that is way too done -- Brad's cyborg-looking face on the mag's cover. Who cares about aging, when you have Photoshop?!

What do you do when you're a hot, blonde, rich little bitch and you've just inherited $12 million? First, you should hire a decent attorney, find a nice place to live ... and get down to the groomer for a decent nail clipping!

The late Leona Helmsley's dog, Trouble (lower left), is in a bit of trouble. It seems the pampered pup isn't wanted by Leona's brother, Alvin Rosenthal, and the bitch (Trouble) has had to make do -- living with a few servants in Leona's massive Connecticut mansion, reports The New York Post. Arf!

Sources say the canine socialite needs a

lawyer to ensure that Leona's wishes are carried out -- including her desire to have the pup eventually entombed alongside her and husband Harry Helmsley -- as NY laws forbid dog remains to be buried with humans. Oddly, New York law has no statute prohibiting burial with Leona (upper right).

Newcomer Daeg Faerch plays the young Michael Myers in the remake of "Halloween," but
he has a celeb look-alike who is even more terrifying than the iconic serial killer.