Britney's Secret Advisor: Drugstore Tome

Now we know where Britney Spears is getting her guidance – from a $12.95 drugstore paperback.

People reports that the pop-pileup was snapped buying the Hallmark volume "50 Truths Worth Knowing" at an L.A. drug store over the weekend – along with some candles. (Cain't run them lights too long, ya'll!) The book is described on Hallmark's site as "uplifting" and "unforgettable" and that "important truths are often revealed in simple and surprising ways." Like a late-night subpoena-serving?

Meanwhile, the custody-propaganda battle continues, as a friend of the Fed-Ex tells 24Sizzler.com that Kevin is apparently all geared up to have his boys at his crib – a lot. "The house is 90 percent for the kids ... [It's] child-proof ... the plugs are covered ... All of that stuff is in the house," says the source. What's more, the erstwhile partyboy has simmered down. "It's like pulling teeth to get him to go out now. ... He just wants to stay home with the kids." The more alarming news? He's back in the studio laying down more tracks. Definitely not child proof.

That homeless, debt-ridden vagabond formerly known as the King of Pop has a new best bud: former Washington, D.C. mayor and crack-smoker Marion Barry. Do not adjust your sets.

FOX News says that the unholy hook-up came about because Raymone Bain, Michael Jackson's PR guru, used to do the same job for Barry, and now the pair have been "spending time" together. Bain's been with Marion since the day he went to jail for crack possession back in 1991. Bitch set them up, indeed.

Meanwhile, Jacko's been sued by his former BFF, Prince Abdullah of Bahrain, over the record label they were supposed to start together. The Prince wants Jacko to finish at least one album, after sinking millions into coddling Jackson over the past few years.

Speaking of unholy alliances, Mary-Kate Olsen likes the older men – at least on-screen. Page Six reports that the mini-thesp, who's 21, makes out in a "steamy scene" with 63-year-old Oscar winner Ben Kingsley in her latest film, which is shooting right now in New York. The flick is about a drug dealer who gets therapy in exchange for pot, and the therapist is played by Sir Ben. Lest you think that it's a peck on the cheek, the Post says we're talking "full on make-out session." The name of the film? Appropriately enough, "The Wackness."