"Lost" Diary -- Catch-22

To clear up a little confusion: I know that Henry Gale's real name is Benjamin Linus, I just prefer Henry Gale. I can't quite explain why, but as soon as I heard the name "Benjamin Linus" I just said, "Uh-uh, no way." So I proclaimed way back when I first my wrote diary that I would always refer to him as Henry Gale -- I just think it sounds better. Sorry if I ruffled any feathers.

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week I'm working with the skeleton crew of myself and Ari. Let's roll:

10:00 -- The intro is all about how Desmond thinks Charlie is going to die. Is this the night I have been waiting for?

10:01 -- Charlie and Hurley are having a stupid comic book argument when Charlie gets shot in the throat with an arrow. It can't happen like this, can it? This has to be a dream, right?

10:02 -- Yup, we cut to one of Desmond's flashes of the future: Hurley pulling a cable, a blinking red light in the sky, the picture of Desmond and Penny, Jin looking up, some kind of a sheet, someone hanging, and Penny's face (yes, we went back and watched in slo-mo). Hey, as long as it ends with Charlie dying, I'm cool.

10:03 -- "Because someone is coming." -- Desmond. Well, he can see the future, so ...

10:07 -- Desmond flashback time, and no one is disappointed by that. Apparently he's in some kind of convent where they like to call people "brutha." No wonder he likes it there.

10:08 -- Desmond needs Jack's first aid kit -- to save Charlie, I am assuming. Also, Hurley: great eulogy giver, terrible liar.

10:09 -- Early warning: If this episode gets too sappy, it will lose me. I am all for emotional, but let's stay focused here.

10:10 -- Gratuitous shot of Kate in her underwear -- I'm a fan.

10:11 -- Sawyer wants round two with Kate. Hard to blame him.

10:12 -- "Want me to make you a mix tape?" -- Sawyer. There isn't a guy alive who hasn't done two things: a) made a mix tape for a girl, and b) thought it would actually work.

10:13 -- Desmond is plotting on how to get Jin to follow him. Now, any discussion about the space-time continuum usually gives me a headache, but let me throw this out there: If Desmond tries to force his vision to come true, do you think it still happens in the exact way he saw it?

10:14 -- Desmond is willing to sacrifice Charlie to get Penny to come to the island. Now THIS is a plan I can get behind.

10:18 -- Hurley and Jin find the wire. I love it when a plan comes together.

10:19 -- "Perhaps you underestimate the value of sacrifice." -- other monk. As long as that sacrifice is Charlie, I'm fine.

10:21 -- A fairly innocuous scene between Kate and Jack is really just meant to show us how far apart they've grown. As soon as they are done with their awkward conversation, Jack goes right over a giggling Juliet. And Kate ...

10:22 -- ... goes right to a horny Sawyer. Kate could use me for sex anytime. It's not a Sawyer/Kate sex scene if Lauren isn't around to pant at the screen.

10:23 -- Jin's scary story and Desmond's sappy one are interrupted by what sounds like a helicopter in the distance. Nah, couldn't be.

10:25 -- Something splashed into the water and then they spot the flashing red light. It's all happening.

10:31 -- Desmond is trying to convince everyone to go out into the jungle now because he has to follow his vision step by step. I can't help but think that Desmond trying so hard to make his vision happen isn't going to work out like he wants.

10:32 -- Charlie is defying the vision, refusing to go with Desmond. See, if Desmond would just let things happen instead of trying to force them to happen ...

10:33 -- Another Desmond vision shows what looks like a catapult and a parachuter stuck in a tree. Totally normal.

10:34 -- Is it me or did Desmond just flash Charlie a look that says, "I'm leading you to your death and you don't even know it"?

10:35 -- So apparently, Desmond dated this Ruth girl for six years before breaking off their wedding. Desmond certainly has commitment issues. Oh, and I want to date a girl with an accent.

10:36 -- While Desmond is giving this poor girl some sap story, now seems like a good time to mention this episode kinda sucks. Just saying.

10:37 -- "You two arguing over who's your favorite Other?" -- Sawyer. That's a GREAT line. Of course, my answer is Henry Gale, but you knew that.

10:38 -- Watching Sawyer and Jack bond over ping pong (while avoiding the topic of Kate) is pretty funny. It's like a pissing contest with paddles.

10:39 -- Charlie, actually acting perceptive for once, is wary of Desmond and his little plan. But Desmond finds a backpack that fell from the sky that has an iPhone in it. OK, it's a satellite phone, but it sure looks like the iPhone.

10:40 -- Oh, and the parachuter somehow has a picture of Desmond and Penny in between the pages of a book. What book you ask? Why "Catch 22," of course!

10:43 -- Sawyer confronts Kate about throwing him a sympathy lay. Take it where you can get it, my man.

10:44 -- So now here is the question: With everything that has happened, does Desmond do something to prevent Charlie's death? Because God hates me, I'll go with yes.

10:45 -- Are monks allowed to get drunk?

10:46 -- Guess not -- Desmond just got monk-fired.

10:47 -- The Flash vs. Superman argument has begun. Place your bets now: does Charlie die? I go with no.

10:48 -- Yup, Charlie survived. I don't even want to watch the rest of the episode right now.

10:53 -- Desmond is worried that by changing his vision, he has failed God's test. I can't speak to that, per se, but he sure failed my test.

10:55 -- Does anyone really think Penny is the parachuter?

10:56 -- So the point of this whole flashback was to show us how Desmond met Penny. We needed a while episode for that? (By the way, check this out).

10:57 -- Seriously, does ANYONE think it's really Penny in there? Who could it be?

10:58 -- Last chance to guess... I'll say Michael. Wouldn't that be great?

10:59 -- Nope. Who is that chick?

Forgetting for a second that a random woman fell from the sky (which is certainly important), did this episode have any other redeeming quality? Were Locke and Henry Gale in the episode? Nope. Terrific dialog? None. A mind-blowing scene that you had to rewind and watch again? Uh-uh. Oh, what about a great flashback that taught you a lot about the character? Nah.

Did Charlie die? No, no, no.

I give this episode a D. They could have dropped this woman from the sky at the beginning of the next episode. I mean they had nobody fooled whatsoever: we knew it wasn't Penny in the parachute and we knew Desmond would save Charlie. This episode didn't do a damn thing for me.

But I did enjoy the theme of fate and sacrifice. Here's a thought: if Desmond didn't save Charlie, would it have been Penny in the parachute? Afterall, Desmond made the choice to alter that part of the vision. He wasn't willing to sacrifice Charlie, so he didn't get the reward. Something to chew on.