"Lost" Diary: Further Instructions

Since I started writing this blog, I get more and more people chiming in to me about "Lost." And the growing sentiment among the majority of them is that they are getting a bit fed up. Not enough happens, nothing gets answered, blah blah blah.

I can't argue with people who are frustrated by the show -- watching "Lost" is work. It doesn't wrap up in a neat little bow each week. If they answered everything, then I'd have nothing to do on Wednesday nights.

As always, I gather with a group of friends to watch the show and keep track of what happens. Slim pickings this week: just me, Ari, Matt and April. Our beloved "Lost" nazi Lauren is out of town, so in an act of defiance I am leaving my cell phone on for the duration of the episode.

9:00 -- The previously on "Lost" intro gave everyone a refresher course on Locke and his button insanity. Glad to have you back, Locke.

9:01 -- The patented eye-opening shot leads us to Locke waking up in the forest and Desmond running around like a lunatic. Locke can still walk -- I was kinda thinking maybe he wouldn't be able to again.

9:02 -- "You need to speak to the island?" -- Charlie. Apparently the hatch explosion has done wonders for Locke's mental stability. Why couldn't Charlie be the one who was mute?

9:09 -- Locke comes looking to Charlie for help. Perhaps he needs tips on stealing babies or dancing around in a diaper.

9:10 -- And it's Locke flashback time. Allow me to take this opportunity to pray to God (or in this case, J.J. Abrams) that this is the episode where we find out how Locke got paralyzed.

9:12 -- Locke carries around a lot of guns and his hitchhiker is quite the liar. I am sure neither of those will come back to haunt us later.

9:13 -- If anyone can explain to me what Locke is doing, now would really be the time. Anyone?

9:14 -- Oh, he's conjuring up Boone's spirit. Right, how did I not know that? As soon as Boone showed up on screen, the entire room went silent. Apparently they don't watch the opening credits where it said IAN SOMERHALDER listed among the guest stars. Opening credits (and the Internet) always ruin guest stars.

9:17 -- Ok, what in the world do we make of Locke's trippy airport dream? Boone said that Claire and Charlie will be fine "for awhile," Desmond is helping himself (we saw him running around looking for something) and that there is nothing Locke can do for Sawyer, Jack and Kate -- "yet." So Locke has to "clean up his own mess" -- it's Mr. Eko he has to save.

9:22 -- Locke has enlisted Charlie's help to find Mr. Eko. Feels a lot like asking Kirstie Alley for weight loss tips.

9:23 -- "Bad things happen to people that hang around with me." -- Locke. As Ari put it, "If that's not foreshadowing..." Meanwhile, Geronimo Jackson makes another appearance -- you may remember some records of this "band" were found in the hatch.

9:24 -- So where exactly is Locke living? But Locke does appear to be over his daddy issues. Now let's get with the crippling.

9:25 -- Question: if the hatch is gone, and the button gone with it, is it safe to assume then that the electromagnetic buildup that needed to be vented every 108 minutes no longer occurs? If that sentence made sense to you, then yes, we are both nerds.

9:27 -- So when Locke almost knifed Hurley, how many people knew the only thing Hurley was going to say was simply, "Dude"? Swear to God, I said it before he did.

9:31 -- Hurley just summed up the end of last season's finale to Locke and Charlie, while Charlie has explained that Locke is going to save Eko from the bear. I think if I were going after a bear, I would want Hurley around with me. Think about it, when a bear chases you and Hurley, who do you think the bear is going to catch?

9:33 -- Polar bears are the Einsteins of the bear community. And people say you don't learn anything from TV.

9:34 -- Mysterious greenhouse you say ...

9:35 -- I bet Locke and MacGyver would get along well. Just saying, if fictional characters could hang out, I bet those two would hit it off.

9:41 -- "Bear, is that you?" -- Hurley. He'd be the guy on "Survivor" who couldn't make a fire or find clean water.

9:43 -- So Locke got played by the hitchhiker. Man, he is not going to take that well. I didn't see the whole "tent full of pot" thing coming at all -- Matt called it though.

9:45 -- Locke found Eko and rescued him from the polar bear with a torch and some hairspray. Yes, MacGyver would be proud.

9:51 -- "The fail-safe key must have detonated the electromagnetic anomaly, made the hatch implode." -- Desmond. I guess that answers my question. Thank you Desmond.

9:52 -- "Locke said so in his speech" -- Desmond. Interesting, what are the odds Locke gives a speech soon...

9:53 -- "Spoken like someone who's had a few too many messes to clean." -- Charlie. I haven't liked this episode -- at all -- but it's had some good quotes.

9:54 -- Speaking of messes ... I don't like Eddie's chances here. Will Locke shoot him? I'm going to go with he doesn't shoot him, but I kind of hope he does.

9:56 -- A lot of buildup for him not to do it.

9:57 -- And now Locke is having imaginary conversations with Eko -- or should I say, Locke is having a conversation with the island, through Eko. Happens all the time.

9:58 -- First words from some of our new cast members. Way to contribute, Kiele Sanchez and Rodrigo Santoro. Glad to have you aboard.

9:59 -- "I just got hit with, you know, deja vu." -- Hurley. So can Desmond see the future now? He should hang out with Isaac from "Heroes."

Ok, as always, what did we learn?

The hatch explosion did something to Desmond ... Something is going to happen to Claire and Charlie ... Polar bears are the Einsteins of the bear community.

What didn't we learn? How Locke ended up in the DAMNED WHEELCHAIR!!!!!

All the people I mentioned that tell me how frustrated they are with the show probably hated this episode. Not much happened, though they did plant some seeds here and there and I did enjoy the dialogue quite a bit. Locke could make reading a Chinese food take-out menu sound interesting. Though I have to admit, if CharlieMustDie.com isn't already taken, I may be starting a new website sometime soon. I give the episode a C-.

Here's my question to you: With so little happening so far this season, is "Lost" starting to lose you?