"Lost" Diary: A Tale of Two Cities

Here's how this works: Every week I gather with a group of friends to watch "Lost." I keep a running diary of what happens on the show, throw out some theories and jokes along the way, and hopefully the rest of the peanut gallery chips in with some good stuff. Maybe you do the same thing each week, maybe you don't have any friends who watch "Lost" -- either way, this is the place for all TMZers to sound off on the most addictive show on TV.

I am joined this week by the usuals and a couple of newbies: Ari (our host), Lauren (the "Lost" Nazi) and Matt (be sure to check him out on the new CBS online dating show "Hook Me Up" beginning next week! Couldn't resist.) along with April and Sonia making their debuts.

Enough with the foreplay, let's get to the diary...

9:00 -- Previously on "Lost" is very Others-centric. Obviously the theme for season three is the Others and I couldn't be more excited. Right now if I had to rank the best characters on TV, Henry Gale would be top 5. Charlie would be somewhere around 10,451.

9:01 -- The opening scene mirrors the opening scene from last season. A character we don't know doing seemingly normal things. Except this time, there are other people involved. And then Oceanic Flight 815 crashes and the Others spring to action. This scene actually goes with my idea for a Henry Gale spin-off show. I picture Gale as a modern day Archie Bunker in an updated version "All in the Family." Except instead of Edith, he lives with his partner, Mr. Friendly.

9:07 -- So apparently it's Jack flashback week and he is stalking his ex-wife. Then he wakes up, laying on a table. Kate and Sawyer wake up as well, in different places, but facing similar predicaments. Jack meets Juliet, Kate gets Mr. Friendly and Sawyer gets some guy.

9:16 -- Another Jack flashback with Julie Bowen. Since I have nothing interesting to say about this uninteresting scene, allow me to vent for a second: how big is this island? The Others were living in a little community and our heroes never came close to finding it? There could be a Hilton on this island and we might not know it.

9:18 -- Juliet and Jack have a little conversation while Kate puts on the dress and goes to have breakfast on the beach with Henry Gale. "The next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant," he tells Kate. I tend to believe what he says. At this point it's just a matter of whether Michael Emerson, who plays Henry Gale, wins the Emmy for best actor or best supporting actor.

9:27 -- Jack is trying to figure out who stole his wife and now he's accusing his dad. I can't decide if I would want my doctor to be a crazed obsessive or not. Better than having him be a drunk I guess.

9:29 -- Juliet brought Jack, now hallucinating apparently, a grilled cheese sandwich and some Dharma water. Juliet takes a bite of Jack's sandwich on her way out -- nice move. She's breaking him down, slowly.

9:33 -- Chaci just helped Sawyer break out of his cage, but unfortunately he ran into Juliet and her stun gun. Apparently Chaci's name is Karl.

9:39 -- Juliet returns trying to bring Jack food. Jack goes to sit in the corner so she can bring him food. You know as soon as she starts to open that door, Jack is going to take her down.

9:41 -- Jack follows his dad to an AA meeting and subsequently has a breakdown in front of some strangers.

9:46 -- And Jack takes Juliet down as soon as she opens the door. This will not end well for him. Yeah, Juliet knocked him out. Nice move. I bet if the Others would just tell the castaways what's going on, there would be no fighting. But I bet they have their reasons.

9:50 -- Sawyer is apparently dumber than bears -- kinda already thought that. And now from all indications, Sawyer and Kate are all lovey dovey. Sawyer offers her some food, but didn't she just have bacon and eggs with Henry Gale?

9:53 -- Apparently Jack is being kept in the "Hydra," an underground aquarium of sorts. Juliet avoids questions about being part of the Dharma Initiative and apparently has a "this is your life" file on Jack. Tons of questions abound, but the one I have is this: If she had this file, why was she asking about the plane and Jack's dad?

9:56 -- So Jack drove his dad back to drinking, and, in a way, killed him.

9:58 -- Jack wants to know if his ex is happy. I missed what happened after that because I threw up.

9:59 -- And Juliet broke Jack down. Advantage: Others.

People watch and judge "Lost" for different reasons. For me, I always like to ask "What did I learn this week?" and judge the episode on that. The show raises questions each week, so I don't think it's unfair to ask for answers. So let's try and break it down:

Henry Gale's real name is Ben ... Kate (and maybe Jack and Sawyer, too) are in for a world of hurt ... The island is HUGE ... The shark and polar bear we've seen previously were probably kept in the aquarium and cages, respectively ... The Others read Stephen King.

All in all, I give this episode C+. We didn't learn much and the flashbacks brought nothing to the table. It was the kind of episode that is good unto itself, but doesn't help us much in the overall scheme of things or advance the story.